Having a confessor

[voltape]

Let the priest be the judge of the quality and content of a sinner’s confession. And if a priest has time for a parishoner and schedules it, he is not being kidnapped.

Consider charity instead of castigation. We’re all sinners seeking God’s mercy.

A mature Catholic, that is somebody who has devoted time to learn his faith, should know exactly what is wrong and what is right. Your town must have been blessed with many. many priests. But in most of the world there are so few priests that it should be a sin to rob them of more than 5 minutes for confession.

 

[Hecares]

A mature Catholic, that is somebody who has devoted time to learn his faith, should know exactly what is wrong and what is right. Your town must have been blessed with many. many priests. But in most of the world there are so few priests that it should be a sin to rob them of more than 5 minutes for confession.

A mature Catholic knows that he can do nothing without the help of God’s grace. In addition to absolving us of out sins the sacrament of reconciliation gives us God’s help in the form of grace so that we can always grow stronger in our faith and better able to avoid sin. If a priest doesn’t have time to give adequate attention to hearing confessions, he needs to make time. That’s like saying a mother has too many kids, so she can’t feed them all. Therefore they shouldn’t say they are hungry or ask for food!

There are many duties in a parish that can be performed by lay people. A priest needs to use the talents of others to do these jobs so that he can do those directly asked of him by Jesus, Eucharist and Reconciliation being two of the greatest of these.

 

[Splagchnizomai]

A mature Catholic, that is somebody who has devoted time to learn his faith, should know exactly what is wrong and what is right.

Agreed!

Your town must have been blessed with many. many priests.

No, we are like many parishes and have a shortage. I live in one the largest parishes in one of the ten most populous cities in my country within a very populous diocese. We have two priests for eight Sunday Masses, which should give you an idea of how busy our priests are. Pray for more priests!

But in most of the world there are so few priests that it should be a sin to rob them of more than 5 minutes for confession.

I agree that confessions should be succinct, especially when there is a line during scheduled confession times, but to claim that it “should be a sin” to go longer than an arbitrary time limit (established by your opinion) is odd, especially for a mature Catholic. If you think that is a sin, then so is blowing your nose after sneezing.

And if a priest schedules more time or allows more time with a penitent, it is his pastoral decision.

 

[tafan]

I combine spiritual direction with confession, which is sort of like what you say above about talking in full conversations and a priest helping you with life situations. I’m supposed to see my confessor every month but it ends up being every 3 months usually. Whenever we meet though, we meet for at least 90 minutes, if not longer

My pastor told me once this is a problem, with how many young priests today perform confessions in response to expectations of many lay people. He said, confession and spiritual direction are two very different things; a priest should not give spiritual direction in the confessional. A long confession is a sign of a it turning into spiritual direction. Confession is about sins and questions about those sins and simple guidance on avoiding those sins in the future. Spritrual direction is much more all encompassing: particularly focusing on prayer life and enhancing the virtures.
Interestingly engouh, he said the end result of the problem is EXACTLY what you describe: “it ends up being every 3 months usually. Whenever we meet though, we meet for at least 90 minutes”. It causes confession to be much too infrequent. Confessions should be every week or so and at the worse case once a month; how can that work if it is 90 minutes at a time?

 

[Justicia_et_Pax]

My pastor told me once this is a problem, with how many young priests today perform confessions in response to expectations of many lay people. He said, confession and spiritual direction are two very different things; a priest should not give spiritual direction in the confessional. A long confession is a sign of a it turning into spiritual direction. Confession is about sins and questions about those sins and simple guidance on avoiding those sins in the future. Spritrual direction is much more all encompassing: particularly focusing on prayer life and enhancing the virtures.
Interestingly engouh, he said the end result of the problem is EXACTLY what you describe: “it ends up being every 3 months usually. Whenever we meet though, we meet for at least 90 minutes”. It causes confession to be much too infrequent. Confessions should be every week or so and at the worse case once a month; how can that work if it is 90 minutes at a time?

I’m not sure why I’m causing so much confusion or outrage here. I go to the priest for spiritual direction. This lasts however long it lasts but Fr has never made it shorter than 90 minutes (HIS decision, not mine. I have no sense of time, so it is hard for me to judge how long we have been talking. There is no clock in the room). We talk about many things, all of which are very important to me and all of which he thinks it is appropriate and within his means for him to handle. At the end he always offers absolution, whether I have actually confessed anything to him or not. He is a good man and understands that I have many sins which I am not yet in a position to tell him of.

I do not go to the confessional because I have a phobia of churches. (This is one of the various things Fr is helping me come to terms with). This also makes going to confession as often as you suggest impractical. Also I have circumstances which make me less culpable for any sins and which Fr therefore has no need to hear. I also do not confess sins that I have no control over or think I might do again. I only confess when I am truly truly sorry.

I have only been to a confessional twice in my life. I would never EVER dare to hold up a confessional queue by taking longer than 10 minutes at the absolute maximum. (Again, bear in mind I have no sense of time.) But because I meet Fr at his house, at a time HE specifies and that HE has blocked out of his diary for me, I see no issue. If he wants to spend so much time with me, it is not right for me to be ungrateful. He has his reasons for taking such an interest in me.

Honestly, I think we are all underestimating the intelligence and sensibilities of my priest here. If I were spending too long with him or doing things incorrectly, do you not all think he would tell me

 

[Irishgal49]

what is a confessor and do a lot of people have one? can anyone have one? do all priests do it?
thanks
meg

Hi Meg,

Not everyone does it but it’s a good idea if you struggle with an addiction or keep falling into the same sin over and over so you can get someone who knows you and can hold you accountable.

I struggle with an addiction so I see the same Confessor, it’s our parochial vicar and he’s awesome. Now if he’s not available I will grab another priest in the area but I will always let him know I “fell again” or whatever when I confess with him next so he can know where I am and what’s going on with my spiritual walk.

A spiritual director or advisor is one who gives advice and counsel, although confessors can play both roles.

Lorrie

 

[Irishgal49]

I couldn’t resist this Confession joke:

A guy goes into old style confessional box after being away from the Catholic Church for many years.

He opens the door, notices a luxurious golden curtain, the faint smell of incense and enters, sitting down on a plush velvet cushion.

He notices a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars, decanters of very expensive liqueur, and Godiva chocolates nearby. On the wall was hanging a flat screen television with closed caption and a DVD player, and on the floor there was a pair of thick, plush slippers, and the latest copy of the Flint Journal.

He hears the priest come in:

“Father, forgive me for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be”.

The priest replied, “Get out, you idiot. You’re on my side”.

 

[Justicia_et_Pax]

I couldn’t resist this Confession joke:

A guy goes into old style confessional box after being away from the Catholic Church for many years.

He opens the door, notices a luxurious golden curtain, the faint smell of incense and enters, sitting down on a plush velvet cushion.

He notices a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars, decanters of very expensive liqueur, and Godiva chocolates nearby. On the wall was hanging a flat screen television with closed caption and a DVD player, and on the floor there was a pair of thick, plush slippers, and the latest copy of the Flint Journal.

He hears the priest come in:

“Father, forgive me for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be”.

The priest replied, “Get out, you idiot. You’re on my side”.

Love it! That’s cheered me up. The misunderstandings on this thread have been getting me down this evening

 

[littlesoul]

I couldn’t resist this Confession joke:

A guy goes into old style confessional box after being away from the Catholic Church for many years.

He opens the door, notices a luxurious golden curtain, the faint smell of incense and enters, sitting down on a plush velvet cushion.

He notices a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars, decanters of very expensive liqueur, and Godiva chocolates nearby. On the wall was hanging a flat screen television with closed caption and a DVD player, and on the floor there was a pair of thick, plush slippers, and the latest copy of the Flint Journal.

He hears the priest come in:

“Father, forgive me for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be”.

The priest replied, “Get out, you idiot. You’re on my side”.

**haha! thanks! i really needed a laugh tonight also,

meg**

 

[Irishgal49]

It’s just what it says on the tin. Basically I don’t believe absolutely everything or do absolutely everything the Church says

No one does…we all struggle… but to reject Catholic teachings is NOT being Catholic. You are either trying to live your life in obedience to the Church Jesus established or you are not. The latter has eternal consequences. I am FAR FAR FAR from perfect but I am trying to do EVERYTHING the Catholic Church teaches not rearrange it to suit my personal tastes like a flavor of ice cream or favorite color or an ala carte menu. There is no “liberal” Catholicism, and I’m not afraid to tell it like it is. I spent years in rebellion and destroyed my spiritual life, I am struggling hard to practice obedience and I can tell you the “ala carte” menu is NOT the way to get to heaven.

 

[Justicia_et_Pax]

No one does…we all struggle… but to reject Catholic teachings is NOT being Catholic. You are either trying to live your life in obedience to the Church Jesus established or you are not. The latter has eternal consequences. I am FAR FAR FAR from perfect but I am trying to do EVERYTHING the Catholic Church teaches not rearrange it to suit my personal tastes like a flavor of ice cream or favorite color or an ala carte menu. There is no “liberal” Catholicism, and I’m not afraid to tell it like it is. I spent years in rebellion and destroyed my spiritual life, I am struggling hard to practice obedience and I can tell you the “ala carte” menu is NOT the way to get to heaven.

Thank you for your concern about my soul etc but I beg to differ. In any case, I am a work in progress and am constantly trying to learn and understand Church teaching better. So there’s hope for me yet!

 

[HonoraDominum]

Just a few quick comments on some of the dialogue in this thread:

First, any time I get scared of going to the confessional due to my scruples or forces that obviously don’t want me to have the graces given there, I listen to this priest and it gives me the courage to go: The Sacrament of Penance (Part 1)

At my parish, an EF parish which is an apostolate of the FSSP, our priests regularly say from the pulpit that regular confessions, even weekly confessions or more, are good for the soul. They also remind us that to gain as many indulgences as we can for holy souls in pergutory that we should go to confession at least every other week, as one confession counts for the requirements both 8 days before and 8 days after an indulgenced act or prayer. I am fortunate that our priests offer confession time 7 days a week, and find it very easy to pop in there after a daily mass once every week or so.

As far as whether one should have a regular confessor, I find that it is very helpful to go to the same confessor who knows my tendancies and weaknesses (scrupulocity being a big one), and works within those contexts to help me make the most out of the graces given in the confessional. St. John of the Cross actually says that one of the spiritual vices of beginners is a form of spiritual pride that involves the confessional, and switching confessors so as not to seem “bad” to a regular confessor [emphasis added]:

Many want to be the favorites of their confessors, and thus they are consumed by a thousand envies and disquietudes. Embarrassment forbids them from relating their sins clearly, lest their reputation diminish in their confessor’s eyes. They confess their sins in the most favorable light so as to appear better than they actually are, and thus they approach the confessional to excuse themselves rather than accuse themselves. Sometimes they confess the evil things they do to a different confessor so that their own confessor might think they commit no sins at all. Therefore, in their desire to appear holy, they enjoy relating their good behavior to their confessor, and in such careful terms that these good deeds appear greater than they actually are.

Also, another thing I find myself struggling with is that after a while of not commiting a mortal sin, I find myself trying to figure out what I should really confess. My priest suggests picking one virtue each month and focusing on that particular examen for both the daily examination fo conscience as well as in the confessional. You’d be amazed how much gunk one can come up with when one is looking for a particular fault or failing. It’s also good to pray to be able to clearly see your predominant fault and keep that as a focus during each day’s particular examen. Here’s an excellent homily about the subject: Predominant Fault: Identifying It and Battling It

It’s a huge leap from going from regular mortal sin to only intentional and unintentional venial sin, but that is only the very beginning of sanctification and holiness here on earth. Learning to scrub out all intentional venial sin, which in other words is intentional lack of love for God, is very important to truly walk with God. At the same time, it’s also important to nurture a humble confidence in God that gives us serenity in our failings, and allows us to look at God wtih contrition and go on with confidence that we truly are loved and forgiven. This combination of desire to do only what pleases God and humble confidence in His mercy is paramount in developing true holiness.

Learning how to see ourselves as God sees us (Or as St. Augustine said, “Noscam Te, Noscam Me” - Let me know Thee, Let me know Myself) is achieved only through daily examination of conscience and the guidance given in the confessional. My confessor is also my spiritual director, and we meet every 6-8 weeks outside of the confessional for about 45-minutes or so for a more thorough discussion of my spriitual state and practices. But we discuss many things in the confessional that are never mentioned outside of those doors. I bring him my most disgusting tendancies and falls as an act of humility, and tell him my temptations in the hopes that by mentioning them in the confessional that they may be weakened and that I may be given graces not to fall to them. Sometimes all I get in the confessional from the priest is “That’s a good confession, for your penance say three Hail Marys, now make your act of contrition.” And sometimes I hear things that prove to me that God truly works through the Priests in that holy sacrament.

 

[englishredrose]

oh ok, that makes sense, i thought maybe it meant that you talked to the priest seperate from confession, as a friend, and he would help you with life situations. but i suppose confessing to said priest is the same. confession is different now than when i was a kid. you talk and have full conversations, rather than just, i did this this and the other thing, and the priest forgiving you. maybe people with “confessors”, go at times other than regular confession times? so they have more time with the priest?

Different priests are will do different things for their parishioners

Some parishioners will talk to their priest in spiritual guidence seperate from confession be it the same priest or some will talk within the confession. I have a conversation with my priest in the confession though its kept quite short and to the point. If I am seeking spiritual guidence away from the confession he has given me a full hour and its more free flowing as of a conversation but gone away feeling just as good as of confesson.