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Mur
Guest
My husband is a lapsed Catholic. Has not attended since he was 12. I am converting. What does it mean to have our marriage “blessed”? We were married at a courthouse…Thanks a lot for trying to help me with my question.
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St_Veronica
Guest
First…have either of you been previously married?
SV
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Jennifer123
Guest
Yes some of it depends on whether either of you have been married before. If there are previous marriages, you will have to go through the process of annulment before anything else can take place.
Some of it also depends on whether you are baptised, you mentioned you are converting (congrats and welcome!!
). I assume your husband is baptised. Baptism is required for a valid marraige (in the eyes of the Church).Which leads to the marriage, if performed only as a civil ceremony, is not sacramental in the Church’s eyes. I think the proper term is that it is not valid - you are married in the eyes of the government, but not the Church.
My advice would be to talk to your parish priest, he would have more information. Also the apologetic forum would have better information for you too.
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Mur
Guest
I was married before, he was not. We have both been baptized. He as a Catholic, myself as a Methodist. My first marriage was invalid, I have paperwork in progress. My first husband was not free to marry. What I want to know is what is “blessing a marriage”. My husband wants to know if that means we have to be remarried in the church. And if for some reason, that didn’t happen, would I be able to take communion if for some reason…he did not fully reactivate…
Thanks a lot for your reply.
:tiphat:
Thanks a lot for your reply.
:tiphat:
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Jennifer123
Guest
My recommendation is that you speak to yoru parish priest and/or ask this on the “ask an apologist” forum…
My limited knowledge however is that you may not be able to take communion until your annulment comes through, being that you’re divorced and re-married.
You can take communion, once you have been welcomed into the Church, when the annulment in final regardless of whether your current marriage is blessed or whether your husband comes back into the Church.
As for the marriage blessing, I know that for me and my husband, we were married outside the Church initially. We had to do paperwork, a dispensation, due to the fact my husband wasn’t baptised. Then we had a small Church ceremony in our local parish with a priest and two witnesses.
Hope that helps!!
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George_M
Guest
I had to do just as Jennifer said. My wife was a Lutherian and had to go to RCIA before she could become a Catholic. I had a hard time getting my marriage blessed here in Alabama so I called up North to a priest I know and he said that we were on record of having it blessed.Good luck and I hope you get a good priest to work with you. You have to do some paper work with the priest you will be working with, then he will send it to the diocease to be OKed then you go to church and have a small ceremony and that’s it. You’ll need 2 witnesses. George
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SarahSmile
Guest
To my belief, since your husband is Catholic he cannot recieve Holy Communion b/c he is living in sin. Catholics must be married in a Catholic Church or under the eyes of God, there is no marriage. I hope this helps you…
How to Convalidate a Marriage
To obtain the Church’s blessing of a marriage that was not Catholic can be relatively easy. Here are the basic steps required for a couple to validate their marriage:
1) Contact the local parish for an appointment with the pastor or his delegate to discuss the situation and determine what must be done.
**2) Obtain a new copy of the baptismal record for the Catholic party (or for each person, if both are Roman Catholic). Make that request to the parish where the person was baptized, indicating the name of the individual (as well as the names of the parents), date of birth and approximate date of the Baptism. Since this is a standard procedure for Catholic parishes, the copy should be forthcoming almost immediately.
3) If necessary, seek a Church declaration of nullity. (See The Tribunal Process.) A favorable decision is needed before a convalidation can be scheduled.
4) Complete the necessary paperwork (marriage investigation, inquiry form or premarital document) with the pastor or his delegate.
5) Determine the date, time and most suitable type of service.
6) Celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation before the convalidation ceremony. Quite often, people who were not married in the Church have not been to Confession for a long time. They may not remember how to confess or may be uneasy because of their long absence from this sacrament.
The form and words are not important for Confession; it is what is in the heart that counts. Two booklets I have written that might clear up any questions or misunderstandings about contemporary developments in the Sacrament of Reconciliation are Why Go to Confession?: Questions and Answers About Sacramental Reconciliationand Meeting the Merciful Christ: How to Go to Confession (St. Anthony Messenger Press).
To reduce any uneasiness about going to Confession, I recommend the following: After entering the confessional and hearing the priest say a short prayer, say, “Father, I haven’t been to Confession in a long time. I was not married in the Church, but we will be having our marriage blessed in the next few days. I am not exactly sure when I confessed the last time and don’t remember very well how to do this. But I am sorry. I want to make a new start. Would you help me?”
No doubt the priest will be delighted to assist and send the forgiven person away with a heart as light as a feather.
7) Plan a joyful get-together that will follow the liturgical blessing to celebrate the Church’s recognition of the marriage.
americancatholic.org/Messenger/Feb2004/Feature2.asp
How to Convalidate a Marriage
To obtain the Church’s blessing of a marriage that was not Catholic can be relatively easy. Here are the basic steps required for a couple to validate their marriage:
1) Contact the local parish for an appointment with the pastor or his delegate to discuss the situation and determine what must be done.
**2) Obtain a new copy of the baptismal record for the Catholic party (or for each person, if both are Roman Catholic). Make that request to the parish where the person was baptized, indicating the name of the individual (as well as the names of the parents), date of birth and approximate date of the Baptism. Since this is a standard procedure for Catholic parishes, the copy should be forthcoming almost immediately.
3) If necessary, seek a Church declaration of nullity. (See The Tribunal Process.) A favorable decision is needed before a convalidation can be scheduled.
4) Complete the necessary paperwork (marriage investigation, inquiry form or premarital document) with the pastor or his delegate.
5) Determine the date, time and most suitable type of service.
6) Celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation before the convalidation ceremony. Quite often, people who were not married in the Church have not been to Confession for a long time. They may not remember how to confess or may be uneasy because of their long absence from this sacrament.
The form and words are not important for Confession; it is what is in the heart that counts. Two booklets I have written that might clear up any questions or misunderstandings about contemporary developments in the Sacrament of Reconciliation are Why Go to Confession?: Questions and Answers About Sacramental Reconciliationand Meeting the Merciful Christ: How to Go to Confession (St. Anthony Messenger Press).
To reduce any uneasiness about going to Confession, I recommend the following: After entering the confessional and hearing the priest say a short prayer, say, “Father, I haven’t been to Confession in a long time. I was not married in the Church, but we will be having our marriage blessed in the next few days. I am not exactly sure when I confessed the last time and don’t remember very well how to do this. But I am sorry. I want to make a new start. Would you help me?”
No doubt the priest will be delighted to assist and send the forgiven person away with a heart as light as a feather.
7) Plan a joyful get-together that will follow the liturgical blessing to celebrate the Church’s recognition of the marriage.
americancatholic.org/Messenger/Feb2004/Feature2.asp
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Jennifer123
Guest
SarahSmile said:To my belief, since your husband is Catholic he cannot recieve Holy Communion b/c he is living in sin. Catholics must be married in a Catholic Church or under the eyes of God, there is no marriage. I hope this helps you…
I respectfully disagree with this part. I do believe the Church recognizes civil marriagesand there is no “living in sin” due this fact.
But…this matter is important so I’d get a professional opinion!!
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SarahSmile
Guest
SarahSmile:
**If one person is a Catholic than it is a sin. They are bound to the sacraments, Matrimony is a sacrament. **I do believe the Church recognizes civil marriagesand there is no “living in sin” due this fact.
But…this matter is important so I’d get a professional opinion!!
I respectfully disagree with this part.
"The sacrament forms the stable basis of the whole Christian community. Without it, Christ’s design for human love is not fullfilled…" “The sacrament of matrimony was instituted by Christ as an outward sign both of God’s grace and our faith.” Catholicism & Society Chap 3 pg31.
If you don’t invite God to your wedding how can he bless it??
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Mur
Guest
Thank you everyone, especially Jennifer and George. Good counsel and important advice. I will try to remain optimistic and hopeful through this process knowing the joy that awaits us.
God Bless You!
God Bless You!
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chrystl
Guest
Dear Mur:
Even if you have gone through a previous civil marriage you still must go through the annulment process of the Church. Much of this is a formality, you just need to consult with your parish priest and pray he is well informed of the process.
Depending on your Diocease, the annulment process may differ from Diocease to Diocease.
I’ve know couples that have taken from 6 months to 2 years to go through the process.
Also, your spouse, even thoug he has been Baptised, must also be in “good standing” in order to be married within the Church. Since, as you have stated, he is a lapsed Catholic, he may have to go to Reconciliation in order for him to be able to go through with the ceremony. And as long as one of you is a “Catholic In Good Standing”, you can have your marriage blessed by the Church. The ceremony just won’t be within the Mass setting.
Good luck to you. God’s peace and blessings.
Even if you have gone through a previous civil marriage you still must go through the annulment process of the Church. Much of this is a formality, you just need to consult with your parish priest and pray he is well informed of the process.
Depending on your Diocease, the annulment process may differ from Diocease to Diocease.
I’ve know couples that have taken from 6 months to 2 years to go through the process.
Also, your spouse, even thoug he has been Baptised, must also be in “good standing” in order to be married within the Church. Since, as you have stated, he is a lapsed Catholic, he may have to go to Reconciliation in order for him to be able to go through with the ceremony. And as long as one of you is a “Catholic In Good Standing”, you can have your marriage blessed by the Church. The ceremony just won’t be within the Mass setting.
Good luck to you. God’s peace and blessings.
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mariachiflute
Guest
:harp:
My husband and I were married (civilly) in 1990. We have 3 children, ages 17, 19 and 22. Neither of us has been married in the church, but I did have a civil marriage that I dissolved (divorce, no children) in 1980. We would like to have our union blessed. I did obtain all my sacraments but in various states, so am not sure how to go about looking for certificates (I am 54). My husband, age 58, was raised Catholic but in a tiny rural Mexican town in southern Mexico so did not have access to even regular Mass, much less sacraments. He believes he was baptized, but received no further sacraments. Neither of us has even had a Cahtolic or church marriage of any type.
My husband and I were married (civilly) in 1990. We have 3 children, ages 17, 19 and 22. Neither of us has been married in the church, but I did have a civil marriage that I dissolved (divorce, no children) in 1980. We would like to have our union blessed. I did obtain all my sacraments but in various states, so am not sure how to go about looking for certificates (I am 54). My husband, age 58, was raised Catholic but in a tiny rural Mexican town in southern Mexico so did not have access to even regular Mass, much less sacraments. He believes he was baptized, but received no further sacraments. Neither of us has even had a Cahtolic or church marriage of any type.
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charliedrake
Guest
Does it matter if the couple had a previous marriage and if so why?? I was married Lutheran and divorced. I was remarried by a JOP by then had marriage blessed by Catholic church. Based upon those facts can I still celebrate in confession and communion.
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SuscipeMeDomine
Guest
No one here can possibly advise you. Are you Catholic? If so, talk with your pastor. He can ask the questions that need to be asked and can give you an answer.
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charliedrake
Guest
Merry Christmas, your post is incorrect. There is plenty of advice of these threads.
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puzzleannie
Guest
the proper term is convalidation, that means that because your husband is Catholic, he was required to get married according to Church law (vows witnessed by a priest or deacon) but he did not, so he is not validly married. Convalidation is an exchange of vows before the proper witness, in church, after due preparation, so as the word suggests, makes the union valid. It is important to him as he cannot return to good standing in the Church until he does this because it means he is objectively in a state of sin and unable to receive the other sacraments. For a Catholic, being separated from Jesus Christ in the Eucharist is the worst thing that can happen on this earth, worse than death. It also means that before you can become CAtholic, the marriage would need to be valid (convalidated) so that you could receive the other sacraments.
Welcome home
see your priest who can guide you through the procedure
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charliedrake
Guest
What is interesting is that though the marriage is considered invalid an annullment process is needed in case of a divorce, in which case the church finds the marriage valid.
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puzzleannie
Guest
I am sorry I don’t understand your statement or how it relates to OP’s question. guess I am more tired than I thought. Every marriage is presumed valid until proven otherwise, and a civil divorce does not end a valid marriage. So if someone who has been previously married and divorce wishes to now marry a Catholic, or if a divorced Catholic wishes to remarry, the first marriage must be investigated to determine if it was valid or not, only only if it is found null (the process does not annul a valid marriage, it merely issues a judgment about validity) are the parties free to marry. If they have in the meantime contracted another civil marriage, that marriage must now be convalidated, that is, the consent witnessed by a priest or deacon.
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charliedrake
Guest
First you state that a marriage is presumed valid, then later state the marriage must be investigated to determine if valid. Seems like a cycle of contradiction, loads of red tape and all in the name of a bureaucracy.
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SuscipeMeDomine
Guest
The presumption is that a marriage is valid. However, if one of the parties to a marriage claims that it was not valid then a Tribunal can investigate to determine if it was or wasn’t valid. If no marriage ever took place – in other words, it was invalid – then the parties are free to marry.
It’s really an act of compassion on the part of the Church. The alternative would be that if a marriage ended in divorce the parties could never marry in the future. Instead, the Church will look at the marriage to determine if it was valid – and the parties involved remain married to each other even if they don’t live together – or if it was invalid and the parties are free to pursue new relationships.
No one is forced to pursue a declaration of nullity. A person who doesn’t want to marry again never has to deal with a Tribunal.
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