Having marital relations while our marriage is invalid

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Lee14

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He is baptised catholic, now athiest. I am baptised protestant, now converting to catholisim. We got married outside of the church and because he was not practicing catholic he obviously did not get permission. Therfore our marriage is invalid as I now understand. So, should we refrain from sex?

In February of last year by the grace of god I discovered catholisim. And now my faith is the center of my life. My husband hates it, wishes I enjoyed partying on weekends and such again. It is an amazing grace that he has aloud me to raise our 1 year old son catholic and he continues to come to mass wih us on sundays. Although he leaves very angry and irritated every time. Says he feels they brainwash people.

Our parish priest was going to bless out marriage some time ago so that I could recieve the sacraments and become a part of the church right away but as my husband’s drinking at the time got out of hand the priest said we should wait a few months to make sure I didn’t I guess, lock it in, and then couldn’t get out. But since my husbands drinking has become incredibly less and less, I’m sure through all my nights of prayer for him. But just recently this question arose for me, that maybe I should wait to continue having sex until we get our marriage thing all figure out.

On a side note, I’ll love to hear advice on this…I can honestly say our son is the only reason I’m not leaving. That and because as a stay at home mom I would be homeless if i left. I just do not want our son to have his family split apart and I’m willing to take on this cross for my son. But deep down i desperately desire a spouse who wants god as the center of our life together. To raise our children to love God together. I’m making the right choice though by keeping our family together and continuing in prayer, right? Thanks.
 
Please consult your parish priest, he will be able to guide you best and get you in touch with others who can help.

I will be praying for you and your family.
 
It’s so nice to hear about someone who is concerned with their and their family’s relationship with God. I said a prayer for you.

I would recommend calling during the parish office’s hours so you can make an appointment with the pastor of the Church in which you are converting to Catholicism. He would be much more knowledgeable in this area than anyone here.
 
Lee14 said:
He is baptised catholic, now athiest. I am baptised protestant, now converting to catholisim. We got married outside of the church and because he was not practicing catholic he obviously did not get permission. Therfore our marriage is invalid as I now understand. So, should we refrain from sex?

In February of last year by the grace of god I discovered catholisim. And now my faith is the center of my life. My husband hates it, wishes I enjoyed partying on weekends and such again. It is an amazing grace that he has aloud me to raise our 1 year old son catholic and he continues to come to mass wih us on sundays. Although he leaves very angry and irritated every time. Says he feels they brainwash people.

Our parish priest was going to bless out marriage some time ago so that I could recieve the sacraments and become a part of the church right away but as my husband’s drinking at the time got out of hand the priest said we should wait a few months to make sure I didn’t I guess, lock it in, and then couldn’t get out. But since my husbands drinking has become incredibly less and less, I’m sure through all my nights of prayer for him. But just recently this question arose for me, that maybe I should wait to continue having sex until we get our marriage thing all figure out.

On a side note, I’ll love to hear advice on this…I can honestly say our son is the only reason I’m not leaving. That and because as a stay at home mom I would be homeless if i left. I just do not want our son to have his family split apart and I’m willing to take on this cross for my son. But deep down i desperately desire a spouse who wants god as the center of our life together. To raise our children to love God together. I’m making the right choice though by keeping our family together and continuing in prayer, right? Thanks.
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If he formally defected from Catholic faith between 1983 and 2010 (inclusive) then he would not be held to Catholic form of marriage. Was your marriage civil or celebrated in a Protestant Church which he joined, during that time period?
 
Hi Lee14, if I were to give advice just based on your title, the answer would be is that you are precluded from having sexual relations until the marriage has been validated.

I concur with the others to consult your pastor. I would also say to be careful, because sometimes they give the wrong advice, saying what they think instead of what the Church teaches.

I had an uncle (since passed away) and his girlfriend. His girlfriend always came along to the reunions, and everyone knew they were living together, but no one said a thing. They were cohabitating and asked their priest friend if what they were doing is okay. Priest said it is fine, because they love each other anyway. Even my mom, who is a nominal Catholic, knew it was wrong, and said that the priest giving that advice is wrong.

Welcome to the Church and God bless you 🙂
 
Dear Lee,
You are in a very difficult situation; God will bless your faithfulness.

We don’t know enough (and probably never could on a forum) to give good advice, so please do speak to a holy priest.

A couple of thoughts: if your husband is an atheist, but was raised Catholic, he may be angry at God. How could he know God doesn’t exist? It’s impossible to prove the non-existence of someone. It’s an irrational position.

You say your son is the only reason you’re not leaving. Don’t answer these questions here, but is your husband abusive? When he’s drinking? How bad is the drinking? those are questions to consider.

Most children follow in the footsteps of their father’s faith. Odds are if you stay in the marriage and your husband doesn’t change, your child will follow his father’s example.
So if there is abuse, it’s not worth it to stay, However, you don’t mention any, so I hope that’s not an issue.

Are you in the US? There are resources here for single mothers. I raised my sons as a single mom for 17 years. But it’s not something I"d recommend if there are other choices.

As I said, I hope you will talk to a priest. Meanwhile, please focus on the good qualities of your husband, the ones you married him for. Express gratitude for the nice things he does for you. Focus on the positive.
Perhaps with prayer and encouragement, he will return to the church. I’m sure God wants him to.

.
 
Vico said:
If he formally defected from Catholic faith between 1983 and 2010 (inclusive) then he would not be held to Catholic form of marriage. Was your marriage civil or celebrated in a Protestant Church which he joined, during that time period?
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It was celebrated outdoors with a protestant pastor. Which he did not join. At this time in our life he had no relationship wih god and the most my relationship with God was, was prayer. We never attended my non denominational church.
 
fin said:
Hi Lee14, if I were to give advice just based on your title, the answer would be is that you are precluded from having sexual relations until the marriage has been validated.

I concur with the others to consult your pastor. I would also say to be careful, because sometimes they give the wrong advice, saying what they think instead of what the Church teaches.

I had an uncle (since passed away) and his girlfriend. His girlfriend always came along to the reunions, and everyone knew they were living together, but no one said a thing. They were cohabitating and asked their priest friend if what they were doing is okay. Priest said it is fine, because they love each other anyway. Even my mom, who is a nominal Catholic, knew it was wrong, and said that the priest giving that advice is wrong.

Welcome to the Church and God bless you 🙂
Click to expand...
Thanks very much! I will follow others advice and talk with him. Thankfully he is a very traditional priest, celebrating latin mass every week too. I’m sure he will give great advice.
 
Viki63 said:
Dear Lee,
You are in a very difficult situation; God will bless your faithfulness.

We don’t know enough (and probably never could on a forum) to give good advice, so please do speak to a holy priest.

A couple of thoughts: if your husband is an atheist, but was raised Catholic, he may be angry at God. How could he know God doesn’t exist? It’s impossible to prove the non-existence of someone. It’s an irrational position.

You say your son is the only reason you’re not leaving. Don’t answer these questions here, but is your husband abusive? When he’s drinking? How bad is the drinking? those are questions to consider.

Most children follow in the footsteps of their father’s faith. Odds are if you stay in the marriage and your husband doesn’t change, your child will follow his father’s example.
So if there is abuse, it’s not worth it to stay, However, you don’t mention any, so I hope that’s not an issue.

Are you in the US? There are resources here for single mothers. I raised my sons as a single mom for 17 years. But it’s not something I"d recommend if there are other choices.

As I said, I hope you will talk to a priest. Meanwhile, please focus on the good qualities of your husband, the ones you married him for. Express gratitude for the nice things he does for you. Focus on the positive.
Perhaps with prayer and encouragement, he will return to the church. I’m sure God wants him to.

.
Click to expand...
Yes he is very angry with god. He has had very young family member be raped and one almost murdered and one died at 8 wih brain cancer. He said because of that there is no god. And I dont mind answering the question because he is not abusive. Just yellso but he only drinks a couple times a month now instead of every night. Also another great grace, he said he would never let our son know he doesn’t believe in god. The thing is if he ever did grow up like my husband it wouldn’t be too be. Kind caring generous and puts others first. I only get down about his disbelief in god.
 
1Lord1Faith said:
It’s so nice to hear about someone who is concerned with their and their family’s relationship with God. I said a prayer for you.

I would recommend calling during the parish office’s hours so you can make an appointment with the pastor of the Church in which you are converting to Catholicism. He would be much more knowledgeable in this area than anyone here.
Click to expand...
Thanks you so very much
 
Speaking to someone who greatly influence you might really work. It could be a priest, an elderly couple or even a parent. Good luck!
 
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