Having "The Talk" with 10 year old ASD Son

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katiecall87

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My 10 year old son is showing signs that he is ready for “the talk”. I would like to approach this from both faith-driven and medical angles. Are there any books or online videos you would recommend that explain the medical sides of reproduction without going too far into topics better handled by me? Are there any good faith based books? I’ve asked my husband to take charge of this one so they can talk man to man, but my husband is more likely to give a very vague reasoning and leave our child unprepared for encountering these topics with his peers. I love my husband, but he doesn’t like dealing with anything uncomfortable. That’s why I’m looking for extra resources other than my own knowledge. I don’t really understand the male end of puberty and I think my son would just feel embarrassed if I talked to him (as opposed to Dad). This is my first time doing this as a parent. My other children are still very little. Any advice is much appreciated.

Some other details it might help to know…

My son has aspergers. He doesn’t process social cues the same way others do and I worry that might make these concepts harder to process too.

My son was also molested by another child when he was only 4. The other child was in the first or second grade. I reported the incident at the time, but I never fully understood what happened. We are confident it didn’t go ‘very far’ for lack of a better way of putting it- but it IS something that happened.

I am very anxious about discussing these things correctly so that my son not only better understands what happened back then, but also… so that he isn’t likely to repeat the behaviors towards other children.
 
katiecall87 said:
. I love my husband, but he doesn’t like dealing with anything uncomfortable.
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I think you are on the right track with finding a good book to work from. I did that with my child and it really helped. I gave it to her to read , first, and then we reviewed it together. It was illustrated with drawings so there wasn’t any confusion about what was being read. It also gave her some time to process the information and formulate questions or comments, etc. For the book, I went with a strictly biological one. It only discussed mechanics and didn’t discuss values or morals. I did that intentionally so once I knew she undertood the mechanics of the process, we had some good conversations based on morality and value systems. That was always an ongoing process.

I quoted your passage above, because I think this is something your husband should work on. Talking about sex with kids should never be uncomfortable. It is, often times, of course. But for a lot of kids, uncomfortable conversations sends the message that there is something wrong or shameful about the subject being discussed. What I learned from raising my child is that this should be an ongoing conversation throughout their teens. Random questions come up and you want them to ask their parents, not rely on friends or “experiences” for the answers they are seeking.

Develop a sense of humor about it. There is a lot about it that is funny, and don’t be afraid to think like your ten year old. Humor connects people.

Good luck with all of this. I am sure you will do just fine.
 
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Three suggestions, two are very Catholic, the third I have heard recommended many times on Catholic Answers Live!

http://www.sexrespect.com/blog.html

you will find the " Seven C’s for Boys: What do I tell my 10 year-old son about manhood?"

Next is a book that takes a Catholic parent through all stages:


Last is about porn. All of our kids, especially kids with some special needs, need to know that it is okay to say NO when someone exposes them to pornography.

https://www.amazon.com/Good-Picture...42&sr=1-1&keywords=good+pictures+bad+pictures
 
American Girl makes a book for boys and while I haven’t used it, it is a really good “leave it on the bed” sort of thing and mostly speaks about hygiene.
 
@QwertyGirl

I agree completely. I do not want my children to feel shamed or afraid of intimacy. I think my husband will come around, but he’s going to need some coaxing on my part. I think if I set the groundwork and provide some good books to work with, he will adapt better. Thank you for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

I’ll be honest, my dad completely avoided these talks with me… at least for the most part. He chose to assume I was ‘getting the info’ from school and when he did finally have something close to “the talk” with me, it was all baseball euphemisms. “You don’t need to be going anywhere near second base until you’re a grown up.” etc etc. Looking back, I find it funny now, but I had the WRONG ideas about a lot of things and didn’t get corrected until I was an adult and at that point it made me look woefully ignorant around my peers.

I definitely don’t want any of my children running into adult life without a correct and healthy knowledge of how their bodies work. 😂
 
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