Having "the talk" with your child

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Jack_Burton

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Greetings, my daughter has been leaving entries in her diary regarding wanting to kiss boys and wanting to be “sexy” like on tv. She is only 7 years old but is very smart and now is picking up God knows what ideas from her friends at school. Our tv and computer at home is totally child proofed, but I fear her peers might already be talking about sex or what they think it is at school. Are there any good resources out there I can read up on so that my wife and I can have a good discussion about what sex is really supposed to be for and how to teach her virtues, etc.? She’s the oldest of 3 daughters and we want to try our best at teaching her our faith and morals before the culture beats us to it. :eek:

Thank you in advance!
 
I’d rather respond to the post entitled, “I routinely read my daughter’s diary entries”
 
Jack_Burton said:
Greetings, my daughter has been leaving entries in her diary regarding wanting to kiss boys and wanting to be “sexy” like on tv. She is only 7 years old but is very smart and now is picking up God knows what ideas from her friends at school. Our tv and computer at home is totally child proofed, but I fear her peers might already be talking about sex or what they think it is at school. Are there any good resources out there I can read up on so that my wife and I can have a good discussion about what sex is really supposed to be for and how to teach her virtues, etc.? She’s the oldest of 3 daughters and we want to try our best at teaching her our faith and morals before the culture beats us to it. :eek:

Thank you in advance!
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My mom’s approach when we were very young but showing signs of curiosity, was to ask us what we thought it was. You can use that to gauge where she is at, and adjust your approach accordingly.

My prayers are with you!
 
PaulinVA said:
I’d rather respond to the post entitled, “I routinely read my daughter’s diary entries”
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You are darn tootin’ he does!

You’d better start another thread if you want to suggest that it is wrong to do that. That is what you are suggesting…right?

As to the OP…look at Dr. Meg Meekers book “Strong Fathers…Strong Daughters” and other works by her. She is spot-on and faithful to the church.
 
PaulinVA said:
I’d rather respond to the post entitled, “I routinely read my daughter’s diary entries”
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Me too.

OP-Don’t do that. Its a really horrible thing to do. Everyone, no matter what their age deserves a private place to get their feelings out. I fully believe in being a snoopy parent. I’ll look through Facebook, email, computer history, cell phone, notes from friends left in pockets, but reading a diary is just too far and wrong.

And when she realizes that that’s what you’re doing you will irrevocably lose her trust and confidence, and good luck getting her to open up to you and come to you after that.
 
While reading the OP, I was thinking of a poster I saw severel years ago. It was two kids (about 5 years old), both naked and the boy was standing the the girl’s head and the boy is saying “We took our cloths off, I’m on top of you, are we having fun yet?” Point being, make sure that you are talking about sex, make sure that both of you are on the same page. :eek: :D:gopray:
 
Dr. Coleen Kelly Mast has some materials Sex respect, something along those lines. I am not sure what the age is for the material. She has a call in radio show with Dr. Ray Guarendi called The Doctor is In. I am sure you can call in or research it yourself. I think 7 is very young to discuss this with, but I homeschool my children so they are exposed to this at a much older age(6-7th grade). Theology of the Body is good, but again this may be material that is for older children.
I agree with the poster who said to get more information from your daughter and make sure you are on the same page. She may be thinking about something totally innocent!!!(and I hope she is:D).

Good luck.
 
At your daughter’s age, she should be at least made aware of what will soon happen to her body and why. You can ask if she has any questions about it and find out what she already knows so that you can respond appropriately and correct any misunderstandings. A series of conversations at age-appropriate times is better than a single “talk”, and make sure she knows she can always come to you with questions.

Like other posters on this thread, I think it is very concerning that you are reading your daughter’s diary. Parents should only read their child’s diary if there is truly some compelling reason that leads them to believe their child is in danger or could put someone else in danger. Otherwise, information about what she knows about sex should come from a conversation with her, not from reading her private thoughts.
 
Lorelei12 said:
Like other posters on this thread, I think it is very concerning that you are reading your daughter’s diary. Parents should only read their child’s diary if there is truly some compelling reason that leads them to believe their child is in danger or could put someone else in danger. Otherwise, information about what she knows about sex should come from a conversation with her, not from reading her private thoughts.
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I find your comment to be horrifying! The OP is reading her daughter’s diary BECAUSE she has a very compelling reason to believe her child is in danger! Do you not think that the child wanting to “be sexy” is not dangerous? A seven year old child is far too young to even consider this. The world is trying very hard to sexualize young children and it IS DANGEROUS.
 
Joan_M said:
I find your comment to be horrifying! The OP is reading her daughter’s diary BECAUSE she has a very compelling reason to believe her child is in danger! Do you not think that the child wanting to “be sexy” is not dangerous? A seven year old child is far too young to even consider this. The world is trying very hard to sexualize young children and it IS DANGEROUS.
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And I find it “horrifying” that a man would read his daughter’s private thoughts. We’re all entitled to our thoughts, and any good parent will allow their children the privacy to write their thoughts down without worrying about it being read. This 7-year old child isn’t on drugs, isn’t suicidal, and presumably hasn’t given any indication that she is going to harm anyone.

The OP didn’t say that his daughter’s behavior leads him to be concerned, he said that through reading her diary (multiple entries, so presumably this was not a one-time thing) he found out she was having these thoughts.

I don’t think it’s particularly concerning for a 7-year old to be curious about kissing, but wanting to “be sexy”- yes, that is a problem. I just happen to disagree with the manner in which he found out about it. If she finds out he read her private diary, rest assured it will be the first of many, many things she will hide from him as she grows up.
 
Lorelei12 said:
If she finds out he read her private diary, rest assured it will be the first of many, many things she will hide from him as she grows up.
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And therein lies the problem. I’m all for parents doing like, random searches of a kid’s room looking for drugs or porn or whatnot. A kid’s bedroom is not some super-secretive place that parents have no right to go into. Even email accounts up to a certain age are OK to track, especially given the potential for predators out on the Internet.

But a diary? I don’t think so. Diaries are usually gifts; so hypothetically a parent buys a kid a diary, tells them they can write all their personal feelings out and it’s a secret… and then betrays that secrecy?! That’s not a good way to build trust.
 
Lorelei12 said:
And I find it “horrifying” that a man would read his daughter’s private thoughts. We’re all entitled to our thoughts, and any good parent will allow their children the privacy to write their thoughts down without worrying about it being read. This 7-year old child isn’t on drugs, isn’t suicidal, and presumably hasn’t given any indication that she is going to harm anyone.

The OP didn’t say that his daughter’s behavior leads him to be concerned, he said that through reading her diary (multiple entries, so presumably this was not a one-time thing) he found out she was having these thoughts.

I don’t think it’s particularly concerning for a 7-year old to be curious about kissing, but wanting to “be sexy”- yes, that is a problem. I just happen to disagree with the manner in which he found out about it. If she finds out he read her private diary, rest assured it will be the first of many, many things she will hide from him as she grows up.
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I think we see the problem now. Step 2 is trying to address the actual question he raises.
 
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