He decided to walk out

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Now that we have formulated a plan for communication and getting along. We have to now formulate a plan on how his time will be organized. I am so sick and tired of all this. Right when I see light, I see dark again.
 
I have another update…He sent me a message stating that he wants to stay the night on Friday through Sunday, help me with our children so I can get sleep, have breakfast on Saturday morning. He is also on board going to the retreat through the military and during that week he is taking time off so we can have time together during Valentine’s day after the retreat.
 
I have to say, I am a bit frustrated. Well, I think a bit is an understatement. I am BEYOND frustrated. I text my husband last night, he does not respond. I text him again 3 hours later, he does not respond. I call him this morning and ask him if he received my text messages, he says “which ones?” Seriously! He expects me to communicate with him about everything. He wants me to keep him informed about everything and I do. Well, when I called him this morning I expressed to him that I would appreciate it if he could communicate with me because I have no idea what goes on in his world. THEN I ask him if I am annoying him, he says “Not really, I’m getting ready for work.” The tone he used was rude. I HAD NO IDEA HE WAS GETTING READY FOR WORK. WHY NOT SAY, “COULD WE PLEASE SAVE THIS CONVERSATION FOR TOMORROW WHEN I GO TO THE HOUSE, I DO NOT WANT YOU TO THINK I AM BLOWING YOU OFF, I AM GETTING READY FOR WORK.” I ask very little, very little and I feel like I’m not getting what I need from him.
 
Look, I know you’re going through some very rough seas and I’m not defending your husband… but I think you need to back down. You need to cool off. You need to not take every little incident and blow them up to epic proportions. His walking out and dragging you through this muck is indeed a big deal. Not answering some texts is not.

For your own sanity you need to get more confident in yourself and not allow what goes on with him or what he does affect you to your core. Way easier said than done, no doubt. But it would be better for you and probably for your relationship with your husband if you found the strength to not flip on every little thing. I’m sure he’s the reason that you’re on edge like this. But you have to adjust to this new reality and rely on God to provide you with peace. His changing will improve your marriage but so will YOU changing and becoming more reliant on God and less reliant on people for your inner consolation.

You don’t really have a choice honestly. You can’t change him. You can only change you. Or, more accurately, you can get out of the way and let God change you.
 
The_Bucket said:
Look, I know you’re going through some very rough seas and I’m not defending your husband… but I think you need to back down. You need to cool off. You need to not take every little incident and blow them up to epic proportions. His walking out and dragging you through this muck is indeed a big deal. Not answering some texts is not.

For your own sanity you need to get more confident in yourself and not allow what goes on with him or what he does affect you to your core. Way easier said than done, no doubt. But it would be better for you and probably for your relationship with your husband if you found the strength to not flip on every little thing. I’m sure he’s the reason that you’re on edge like this. But you have to adjust to this new reality and rely on God to provide you with peace. His changing will improve your marriage but so will YOU changing and becoming more reliant on God and less reliant on people for your inner consolation.

You don’t really have a choice honestly. You can’t change him. You can only change you. Or, more accurately, you can get out of the way and let God change you.
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Thank you for your words. I’m not trying to change him nor do I want to. I am working on me and will continue to for as long as I have to. I do rely on God in many ways. I am very confident in myself. As far as relying on people for my inner consolation, I do not rely on people for my inner consolation. The only person I rely on is God. I have backed down in more ways than you can imagine. Are you kidding me? How in the world are we supposed to move forward if we are not communicating or starting somewhere? I feel I am doing the right thing. I have to bring up things that bother me and we need to come up with ways to fix them. He does the same with me.
 
Divorce Busting

I would buy her book at the least. You can learn new ways of dealing with him that will change your marriage from the inside out.
 
yjenkins said:
Thank you for your words. I’m not trying to change him nor do I want to. I am working on me and will continue to for as long as I have to. I do rely on God in many ways. I am very confident in myself. As far as relying on people for my inner consolation, I do not rely on people for my inner consolation. The only person I rely on is God. I have backed down in more ways than you can imagine. Are you kidding me? How in the world are we supposed to move forward if we are not communicating or starting somewhere? I feel I am doing the right thing. I have to bring up things that bother me and we need to come up with ways to fix them. He does the same with me.
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Well then perhaps I’m simply taking it the wrong way with the ALL CAPS comments and the “beyond frustrated” stuff. I’m not trying to take anyone’s side; I’m quite aware that you’re the aggrieved party here and you have a right to be mad, frustrated, sad and even despairing. I was simply trying to provide a suggestion about not letting his nonsense get to you. Again, way easier said than done.
 
Hi YJ, realise though, that every Christian person’s contribution (regardless at the time of appearing non-helpful) is a message through God, Jesus, The Holy Spirit and Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus to take on board and try, in particular the book that Julieanne has suggested to read.

Upon reflection after my separation of a 20 year marriage, had I asked for suggestions or assistance, my marriage today could have been saved given that the changes in me occurring at the time, could have been dealt with in a more positive way 7 years ago, and the problems I was dealing with in relation to my husband (ex but not divorced), sorted more through prayer and advice sought and relevant suggestions tried!!

People draw from their own experiences and their own families’ and friends’ work colleagues’ experiences, therefore great to read and take or try whatever you feel is beneficial to your current situation.

The people who have been selfless offering suggestions are to be commended whether they are appear negative to you and/or other Christian people at the time.

During your stress, it is commendable that you have thanked everyone YJ and therefore, you are thanking God, The Holy Spirit, Jesus and Our Lady Mary through these people.

Time is the healer through continual prayer so just take one day at a time and keep busy with your children and self (take some me time to really know yourself too and not concentrate on your spouse as much) is my other suggestion.

Love and best wishes to all of your Family xxxx
 
My children and I just returned from Mass and my husband already left. He stayed the night from Friday until today. The visit went well. We did not argue, he helped around the house and with my children. However, I have a problem. I’m so confused. I’m confused about how he feels about me. Because of all the damage that has happened, is it possible to not feel the same way about your spouse? Is it normal not to feel love towards your spouse? Is it possible that during this process of reconciling, that as a couple we are in the process of falling in love all over again? I’m just confused…
 
yjenkins: I know your trauma first-hand. I lift you and your children up to the Holy
Family with love and prayers. The hardest thing will be the acceptance of his decision.
I always prided myself on the control which I guided my life. Then I realized my husband
had the power to change that overnight. Many people say as one door closes, another
opens. Try to be as positive and hopeful as you can. People can and do change their
mind. There is always the possibility they could want back in, but we must not depend
on it. Try to focus on the children and all the stability you desire for them. JESUS, I
TRUST IN YOU. Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us. Wait and pray for answers.
Patience is the hardest thing of all in this situation. Let it play out.

kaylynn7800
 
kaylynn7800 said:
yjenkins: I know your trauma first-hand. I lift you and your children up to the Holy
Family with love and prayers. The hardest thing will be the acceptance of his decision.
I always prided myself on the control which I guided my life. Then I realized my husband
had the power to change that overnight. Many people say as one door closes, another
opens. Try to be as positive and hopeful as you can. People can and do change their
mind. There is always the possibility they could want back in, but we must not depend
on it. Try to focus on the children and all the stability you desire for them. JESUS, I
TRUST IN YOU. Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us. Wait and pray for answers.
Patience is the hardest thing of all in this situation. Let it play out.

kaylynn7800
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Thank you for your words. As time progresses, I would like my husband to step up his game. He wanted back in, I let him in. Now I want him to show me. I want to feel loved, I want affection and romance. I’m not expecting this to happen overnight however, this is something I need from him because during our marriage I had a a void, the void was lack of all of the above.
 
My parents know my husband very well and they are giving me their honest opinion about everything. They do not feel my husband is fully invested and they feel he does not care. To be honest, I have no idea how to feel and what to feel. I spoke to my Pastor and my counselor about my concerns. They agree that they are valid. I told them what I want out of all of this, my needs and what I do not want to repeat again in my marriage. Blah! I am going to address these concerns to my husband this weekend.
 
I am so drained. I am so sick and tired of it all. He has a four day this weekend, he communicates that to me. Okay, great. He then tells me he is only going to stay three days. I expressed to him this is an opportunity to spend more time with your family and me. Than he says, well I am staying an extra day, isn’t that enough. Nothing is ever good enough for you. Seriously? I’m so sick and tired of it all!!! I want nothing to do with him this weekend. I want to be alone.
 
Something just happened…something BIG!!! I’m not sure if this should have happened…but it HAPPENED! My husband and I made love…This weekend has gone well, nothing but positive things, positive feedback, everything has gone well. Now I have a million questions!!! Was making love the right thing to do? For some reason I feel like we moved too fast however, it felt right. Aaaaahhh! I have no idea! I’m confused…
 
It may be time to place your concerns on the children instead of your “husband”.

He has the best of both worlds and doesn’t care who he hurts.
Back off, quite texting him and making yourself his puppet and I bet he will be hounding you for a change.

However, why you would want this type of “man” in your life is beyond me. He is all out for himself and tells you what you want to hear and then pulls back away from you. He is cruel and seems to be enjoying this very sick game.

I’m going to pray for you that you develope strength to see the truth and to be able to go forward with your children.

Get to a doctor and get tested for std’s because his actions are not that of a loving husband.
 
horselvr said:
It may be time to place your concerns on the children instead of your “husband”.

He has the best of both worlds and doesn’t care who he hurts.
Back off, quite texting him and making yourself his puppet and I bet he will be hounding you for a change.

However, why you would want this type of “man” in your life is beyond me. He is all out for himself and tells you what you want to hear and then pulls back away from you. He is cruel and seems to be enjoying this very sick game.

I’m going to pray for you that you develope strength to see the truth and to be able to go forward with your children.

Get to a doctor and get tested for std’s because his actions are not that of a loving husband.
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Believe me, I do not text him or chase him. He is the one who comes to me. Ultimately it is up to him if he wants to take charge and be a “man.” Why would I want this type of “man?” You do not know how many people ask me this question. I will be honest, I do question myself. I will say, this weekend thus far has been very positive for the both of us. He has been proactive with our children and myself. Every time the kitchen needed to be picked up, he would clean the kitchen, he has done a lot throughout this weekend. I’m not saying he has fully proven himself to me. There are a lot of other things that he needs to show me in order for us to “officially” be together again. The people who I respect the most have no high regard for my husband. Do I blame them? Not at all. They have every valid reason to feel this way. I still have questions, concerns and doubts. In the mean time, he knows what he has to do. I will never chase after him, he knows to come to me.
 
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