Heartbroken about baby and ex-fiance: Sorry for the long post, but I need help and prayer

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Please pray for me, my ex-fiance and my baby she’s pregnant with. She was brought up Catholic but became Presbyterian as a teenager. I have been a devout Catholic most of my life although I have fallen into sin recently. We were to be married in December. I thought God gave her to me because she agreed to abide by all the Catholic Church’s teaching on sexuality (no contraceptives, etc.). We had too much to drink one night, fell into temptation and had intercourse. After she she repeatedly complained about the Church and, it seemed to me, hated it, we got into some fights and I left her. I didn’t know if it was for good though. Shortly after she informed me she was pregnant. In a moment of hysteria, my mom and I told her we thought she might be faking it to get my attention. She had told me her period had started the weekend following our fornication, so we thought it impossible. My fiance now resents me, my loving parents who took her under their wings the past few months (hers are in the process of divorcing). She says I will never see my child, which she will either raise on her own or give to an adoption agency. I don’t know how it’s all come to this. I believe my ex-fiance has low self esteem and suffers from depression due to her mother and father’s neglect.I have confessed my sins to a priest and received absolution, but I am despondent and heartbroken. I am nearing 44 years of age and finally thought I’d have a family. I am just broken. Please pray for her, the child, my parents who are suffering greatly and anyone else who is affected by this.
 
Praying for both you and her, in hopes of reconciliation and possibly reunion between you both, that through open channels of communication you may both come to an understanding and that her heart may be softened toward you as is God’s will. I offer this up through the intercession of St. Rita, patroness of difficult marriages and of impossible dreams, as well as through the intercession of Mary, Spouse of the Holy Spirit. Hail Mary, full of Grace, the lord is with you, blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus, Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen
 
I will most definitely add you and your fiance to my prayers.

I am not the best person to give advice on these kind of situations. But is it possible for you to talk to your fiance about counseling? Perhaps you both could speak with a pregnancy counselor for a start. I am currently seeing a pregnancy counselor through Catholic Charities so maybe if they have services available near you that could be an option. If worse comes to worse though, which I pray it wont, just know that your fiance can not legally keep your child away from you or put him/her up for adoption without your consent. She is probably in a lot of stress though so maybe she only said that out of frustration. Pregnant women are very vulnerable emotionally and physically so if she is also suffering from depression it could make things even worse. Try and be as supportive and comforting to her as you possibly can during this time. If she doesn’t want to talk, try giving her some space. I hope all goes well for you and your family. God bless!
 
The best thing may be for this child to be placed with a stable, adoptive family.

Prayers that in the future you find someone who shares your faith and will stay chaste with you.
 
Being the father of the baby, you could fight for joint custody, and she can not give the baby up for adoption without your consent…She should be happy the father of her baby cares…if she doesn’t want the baby, tell her you’ll take the baby…just don’t make her mad…would she have an abortion to spite you?
 
Thank you all for the prayers and advice. I am trying to reconcile with her, but some angry exchanges with her have made her wary. I poured my heart out in an email, but she hasn’t responded yet.

She is pro-life and will carry the child to term. There are no worries there. Perhaps I should let her place the baby in a stable family. I don’t know what the right thing is to do if we can’t get back together. I’d feel like I was shirking my duty, but the child may not be better off with me alone.

If only I’d done the right thing all along. All it takes are a couple of slips. I allowed myself to mistake a creature for my creator for a little while.

Thanks again for your help and prayers. God bless you all.
 
I’m really sorry you’re going thru this :hug1: Just wanted to tell you though, I was going to adopt a baby (who sadly died in-utero) but in one of my talks with our attorney, she said a baby cannot be placed for adoption if the father doesn’t give up paternal rights. The one thing she did tell us is that if the mother didn’t know who the baby’s father was, that they revoke paternal rights in court automatically. As that baby’s father, you have all the right in the world to keep him/her if your ex doesn’t want to. You have every right to have shared custody unless she could prove you are a bad person. You have rights as the father, fight for them. Be at the hospital when your baby is born, sign the birth certificate.

I’ll keep you, your baby and your ex in my prayers.
 
You are almost 44 you said? You’re getting too old to have a family, if not this baby chances are you won’t meet another woman in time to have a family.

Maybe you need to think about being a single dad if she doesn’t want the child. Either way, she can’t prevent you from being in the child’s life unless you give up your parental rights.

And you won’t be alone, your parents will be there to help you.
 
You and your ex-fiancee are in my prayers–that you can reconcile enough to do what is best for your baby. :gopray2:

As someone who had A LOT of hormone swings both during pregnancy and after childbirth, I’d suggest that you continue to offer support. Have you offered to go to the OB’s office with her? Having a baby is very overwhelming and I know your ex-fiancee is probaby pretty scared. She may not want you there, but I think she’d appreciate you offering to go to any appointments she has.

If she wants to give the baby up for adoption, ask her if you can attend adoption counseling with her. At least it will be a non-confrontational way of addressing your concerns while still supporting her.

Also, if your ex-fiancee had a “period” a week after you guys had sex and she is pregnant what she thought was her period was probaby implantation spotting–when the baby implants in the lining of the uterus. Not all women have this, but that’s the first thing that I thought when I read your post. I can imagine how heart broken I’d be if my ex told me I had made up a story about being pregnant, so just so you know it is possible to bleed similar to a period throughout an entire pregnancy and it is possible to bleed just for implantation and it is possible to not bleed at all.

You two may very well not be meant to be together, but I hope you apologize and continue to find ways to make up for doubting her word that she is pregnant. Her response may be extreme (i.e. you will never see the baby) but your doubting her when she needed your support the most was pretty low and you’re going to have to apologize more than once and show her through your actions how sorry you are before she’s going to change her behavior.

I hope everything works out…and like the other posters have said–fight to be involved in this baby’s life. God has made you a father and you have to take that responsibility seriously.

KG
 
kevinsgirl said:
Also, if your ex-fiancee had a “period” a week after you guys had sex and she is pregnant what she thought was her period was probaby implantation spotting–when the baby implants in the lining of the uterus. Not all women have this, but that’s the first thing that I thought when I read your post. I can imagine how heart broken I’d be if my ex told me I had made up a story about being pregnant, so just so you know it is possible to bleed similar to a period throughout an entire pregnancy and it is possible to bleed just for implantation and it is possible to not bleed at all.
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I ditto this! I had bleeding in 2 of my 3 pregnancies. One was after I got a positive pregnancy test but if I hadn’t taken an pregnancy test, I would’ve thought it was a period. The second one was just spotting, so don’t think she is making it up. She very well could be but that does happen. Many many pregnant women bleed at the time of implantation, or when their periods were supposed to start, or for no reason at all. Bleeding doesn’t always mean no pregnancy.
 
I will be praying for you all. Continue to support her and try to reach out to her. Pregnancy can be a very emotional time. Try your best to not be emotional back–but be a sure, steady support. Ask your parents to reach out to her also.

As others have said, you can claim your paternal rights, but you will have time to think about adoption vs raising the baby yourself. Hopefully you and she will be reconciled and that won’t be an issue.
 
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