HEATED ARGUMENTS AT HOME:the devil?

[misericordie]

Hello everyone. I have been a little down lately because at home there is constant bickering and arguments, to the point where offenses are said to each other. I parents are great Catholics, married in the CATHOLIC CHURCH, and overall they sacrificed much and raised us well. We are two males, and my two sisters, all married now. I have nver been married, and well, I live with my parents. Though we are all church goers, and my mom is a very prayerful person, my dad pray but not as frequent nor with the same devotion as my mom. I love them dearly, especially my mom. However, there is so much arguing: when one is in a good mood, the other here at home gets in a bad mood, when the other is in a good mood, the other is in a bad mood. We pick on each other, and this has been going on for years. Though when we (me and my siblings) were children we used to hear our parents argue all the time. Now, things are a little better, but I am involved too now. Sometimes I get so angry and frustrated I cannot sleep, and the same thing happens to mom(we are very sensitive). This home has been blessed over and over since 1996 when we moved here. Last one was April 2003. I want to bring a very holy priest here now to RE-Bless each corner etc. of this home, and for us three to be present with this great faithful priest. He was going to come two weeks ago, and when I went to pick the priest up, he was all ready to come to our home(had blessing book in hand, stole, etc.) and 5 minutes before I was to pick him up, he sprained his ankle(the priest) and he could not go. I was shocked! How could this happen MINUTES before he was to come home?
Any thoughts on all I wrote here? Or your own experiences? What should we do? Thanks, and can you ALL PLEASE pray for my parents, and peace in our household?? PLEASE!!!

 

[baltobetsy]

If you want peace in your household, it must begin with you. Resolve right here and now not to get into the arguments. I can tell from your posts here that you are a very emotional person, and it may be difficult for you to keep your thoughts to yourself, but for the sake of peace, pray and try. Don’t pick. Don’t get drawn in. Don’t condemn your parents. Pray to the Holy Spirit for His healing balm on the whole situation.

Betsy

 

[felra]

baltobetsy:

If you want peace in your household, it must begin with you. Resolve right here and now not to get into the arguments. I can tell from your posts here that you are a very emotional person, and it may be difficult for you to keep your thoughts to yourself, but for the sake of peace, pray and try. Don’t pick. Don’t get drawn in. Don’t condemn your parents. Pray to the Holy Spirit for His healing balm on the whole situation.

Betsy

I concur with Betsy, the only one you can control or are resposible for is yourself. I myself grew up in a yelling household at times and know the pit in the stomach feeling when I hear escalating voices.

I’ve learned to monitor and manage my own internal emotional processes, hard as it may be, but now I am able to keep my head above my emotional reactions. If the argument does not involve you, then do not involve yourself, or allow yourself to be triangulated into the argument. Also realize, your parents may never significantly change, and that is not your problem.
Perhaps the only/longterm solution is for you to move out, and in the intermin avoid being around your parewnts when they are most prone to get into heated arguments. Hang in there.

 

[SeekerJen]

felra:

Perhaps the only/longterm solution is for you to move out, and in the intermin avoid being around your parewnts when they are most prone to get into heated arguments. Hang in there.

That’s what worked for me. Honestly, since I moved out, I get along much better with my dad and my parents are getting along better as well. Some people just can’t live under the same roof.

God bless you. Believe me, I know how hard this is.

 

[vera-icona]

Quickly, I will also point out that God wants us to avoid sin – and sometimes we must remove ourselves from the occasion of doing sin.

In this case, it may be removing yourself from the temptation of arguing with your parents and/or picking sides.

Sympathy for one parent over the other opens the door for disrepect and not honoring the other parent – which is a sin against the commandment of honoring your father and your mother.

Much love…

 

[misericordie]

Thank you all soo much , you guys have all given great advice, with which I agree. Thank you all for being so caring.

   May the Lord continue to bless each and evry one of you.  Your brother in Christ, misericordie.
   ALL, keep the your comments and thoughts coming.

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

You should, probably, look into getting out on your own. I have visited my mother for the past 3 or 4 months and Lord have mercy have we had some WHOPPERS.
It really is not natural to have grown children at home, UNLESS mom and dad are infirm and YOU are caring for them.
OR there are some terrible circumstances such as a divorce, loss of home due to fire etc.

 

[misericordie]

Lilyofthevalley:

You should, probably, look into getting out on your own. I have visited my mother for the past 3 or 4 months and Lord have mercy have we had some WHOPPERS.
It really is not natural to have grown children at home, UNLESS mom and dad are infirm and YOU are caring for them.
OR there are some terrible circumstances such as a divorce, loss of home due to fire etc.

TRUE, and I totally agree with your well taken advice. I am working on moving on my own, or sharing with a roomate who is a great very catholic friend.

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

Mis, on the subject AGAIN, I just got into another whopper with my mother. I can hardly wait to get home.

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

TRUE, and I totally agree with your well taken advice. I am working on moving on my own, or sharing with a roomate who is a great very catholic friend.
=-==========================================
I hope it works out for you! Hopefully, you and your parents will get along much better!

 

[misericordie]

Thank you so much everyone for all your great advice.

    May God bless you all.
          Anymore thoughts on this???   Thanks.

 

[Antonio_B]

Lilyofthevalley:

You should, probably, look into getting out on your own. I have visited my mother for the past 3 or 4 months and Lord have mercy have we had some WHOPPERS.
It really is not natural to have grown children at home, UNLESS mom and dad are infirm and YOU are caring for them.
OR there are some terrible circumstances such as a divorce, loss of home due to fire etc.

I think this business of believing is not NATURAL to have grown children at home is a cultural thing not shared by other cultures. I have two sisters who never married and live with mom until mom passed away. My older daughter lives with us and no one has a problem with that. Why, you might ask? Because we are Hispanics and in the Hispanic culture older sons and daughters can live with their parents if the parents don’t mind. That is certainly very different from this culture.

Misericordie is asking for help to see how “harmony” can come into their home, not advise on living arrangements.

Antonio

 

[misericordie]

Antonio B:

I think this business of believing is not NATURAL to have grown children at home is a cultural thing not shared by other cultures. I have two sisters who never married and live with mom until mom passed away. My older daughter lives with us and no one has a problem with that. Why, you might ask? Because we are Hispanics and in the Hispanic culture older sons and daughters can live with their parents if the parents don’t mind. That is certainly very different from this culture.

Misericordie is asking for help to see how “harmony” can come into their home, not advise on living arrangements.

Antonio

Let’s not forget Italians too. Many of my Italian friends live with their parents. However, I do agree(born and raised in NY,attended College here too) that after age 21, one should move out of their parent’s home/apartment.

 

[Antonio_B]

misericordie:

Let’s not forget Italians too. Many of my Italian friends live with their parents. However, I do agree(born and raised in NY,attended College here too) that after age 21, one should move out of their parent’s home/apartment.

Funny you would say “Italians too.” I saw last year a “60 Minutes” program in which many young men were interviewed who still lived at home and found nothing wrong with that.

My older daughter is 28 and still living with us and apparently comfortable to do so. When she decides to go, fine. If she wants to stay and put up with her old parents, fine too.

Are you not a bit afraid living in New York these days with police all around and waiting for the worse?

Antonio

 

[misericordie]

Antonio B:

Funny you would say “Italians too.” I saw last year a “60 Minutes” program in which many young men were interviewed who still lived at home and found nothing wrong with that.

My older daughter is 28 and still living with us and apparently comfortable to do so. When she decides to go, fine. If she wants to stay and put up with her old parents, fine too.

Are you not a bit afraid living in New York these days with police all around and waiting for the worse?

Antonio

LOL, no I am not afraid. I was born and raised in this great city which I love, and I know the police are doing their job of protecting us. I trust them, but above all, I trust in God and the Blessed mother, Mary. Together, they protect me.

 

[Antonio_B]

misericordie:

LOL, no I am not afraid. I was born and raised in this great city which I love, and I know the police are doing their job of protecting us. I trust them, but above all, I trust in God and the Blessed mother, Mary. Together, they protect me.

I presume New York has changed a lot since 1979 when I was there to see John Paul II. Of course, I visited St. Patricks and found it to be beautiful. I that time 42nd Street was a complete mess, full of pornography shops and prostitution. Crime was bad news and I was literally afraid to walk the streets.

Let’s hope in God nothing like what happened at 9/11 repeats itself.

Sorry for deviating from the topic.

Yesterday I was talking to a friend of mine who has his own condominium and he lives alone in it. He is selling it to go live with his brother and his wife because of economic issues. So, I guess while some leave home, some come back to it.

Antonio