Help...Father-in-law moving, Have Q's

[cakesnmore]

I am looking for some help in counseling my father in law. (actually, my husband will be counseling , I am looking for the info to help him do it)
My 60-something yr old father-in-law will be moving in with my husband & I and our 2 kids in a couple months for an unspecified amount of time while we help him heal from a surgery, quit smoking, drinking etc…as long as it takes for him to rehabilitate himself basically. He is on social security, and does not have a job. He is in the process of selling his mobile home in another part of the country and then flying here. (Here’s where its a little sticky, he has been known to make poor financial decisions in the past, and we would like to help him .) While my father-in-law wants to give away the money and pay off a credit card etc, with the sales from his home, we would like for him to invest it, or at least set it aside in an account for when he is well again. We plan on taking care of him entirely while he is with us, but would like him to have somesort of a footing financially for his future, assuming he will be around for another 20 yrs and would like his independence again. He could easily stay with us for free, get well, pay off his debts with his social security income, while still allowing the proceeds from the sale of his home to wait for him.

How do we talk to him about helping himself financially, when his mentality is “God will provide” so I’ll just give it all away and see what happens… ( while we spend that time worrying about him).
Help!

Shelley

 

[maendem]

Couple suggestions:

It sounds like you have some good financial plans for your father-in-law, but you should be sure he shares these plans with you. Let him know clearly what you envision and why, and listen carefully to his reaction. That reaction will probably determine how well his stay will go; he’s not likely to reverse on a negative mindset half way through.

I have no experience counseling, but tackling a finance problem, a drinking problem and a smoking problem all at once sounds like recipe for failure. Perhaps you could just begin on the latter addictions by setting rules for him as a guest in your house, conditions that he must respect while he stays with you (i.e. only smoking outside, not providing alcohol, etc.)

It’s very generous of you to open your home to him, and I commend you for that. However, his mentality being “God will provide,” just make sure you’re not enabling that attitude by “providing” endlessly and without accountability.

I don’t know what his surgery entails, but I imagine a doctor could give you a prognostic on his estimated healing time. I would find it important to set a time limit on his stay that all of of you could work toward and respect. It is nearly impossible to achieve goals that are not specific and time-limited.

Best of luck, and Merry Christmas!

 

[Deacon_Tony560]

May God bless you for what you are trying to do. I have done quite a bit of work in rest homes and many families dump their loved ones there and never visit them. I understand that most families have everyone working to make ends meet, but this does not excuse leaving your loved one without a visit, even on Christmas. You are to be commended for your compassion.

Deacon Tony SFO