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nobody
Guest
Help! First day of summer vacation and I’m already losing patience with my 13 year old son. Complaints, “bad attitude”, etc… Any advice?
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CARose
Guest
Take a deep breath! Allow a little time for the two of you to decompress from what typcially is an end of year intense school schedule.
Have you any planned activities scheduled for the summer? A camping trip for the family, summer camp, summer school or other such things? Do you live in a neighborhood with other kids he enjoys within walking distance?
Know we’ll keep you in our prayers as the summer progresses.
CARose
Have you any planned activities scheduled for the summer? A camping trip for the family, summer camp, summer school or other such things? Do you live in a neighborhood with other kids he enjoys within walking distance?
Know we’ll keep you in our prayers as the summer progresses.
CARose
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Lillith
Guest
I’ve had a few weeks of summer vacation, and the first week is the toughest. They (11, 15 ) tend to want to watch T.V. too much and lay around saying I’m bord…I turned off the T.V.
The problem is they were so stimulated during school…Figure out what kind of summer you want to have, busy and fast, or slow and relaxed. You can do what Carose suggests, and keep your kids really busy and scheduel activities.
Personally, I like slow and relaxed. I did scheduel 2wks of activity (4H camp and one wk. with their grandparents fishing) The rest is up to their imaginations. This does take patience…when they tell me they’re bord, I say wash the dishes, clean your room, look for 4 leaf clovers…they don’t like my suggestions and end up going outside.
So far this summer, they made a monster slip and slide with old plastic down a large hill, with the water hose and dish soap…set up a pup tent and camped in the back yard…water gun and water ballon fights…and friends over often also.
The thing I love about this is that it reminds me of my own childhood, and I think its good to slow down in the summer!!!
Good Luck!! Lots of parents around the U.S.A. are in the same boat…
Lillith
The problem is they were so stimulated during school…Figure out what kind of summer you want to have, busy and fast, or slow and relaxed. You can do what Carose suggests, and keep your kids really busy and scheduel activities.
Personally, I like slow and relaxed. I did scheduel 2wks of activity (4H camp and one wk. with their grandparents fishing) The rest is up to their imaginations. This does take patience…when they tell me they’re bord, I say wash the dishes, clean your room, look for 4 leaf clovers…they don’t like my suggestions and end up going outside.
So far this summer, they made a monster slip and slide with old plastic down a large hill, with the water hose and dish soap…set up a pup tent and camped in the back yard…water gun and water ballon fights…and friends over often also.
The thing I love about this is that it reminds me of my own childhood, and I think its good to slow down in the summer!!!
Good Luck!! Lots of parents around the U.S.A. are in the same boat…
Lillith
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savone
Guest
Have you considered BOOT CAMP: http://bestsmileys.com/army/4.gif?
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JKirkLVNV
Guest
If he has an attitude, I would figure he wasn’t being kept busy enough. My answer would be…chores! Explain to him that he can either get over himself or you will help him get over himself.
As a school teacher, may I gently point out to you that if he’s doing this to you, he may well have been doing it to his teachers as well. Something to think about.
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deb1
Guest
WHen ever my children tell me that they are bored, I give them chores. I never hear that complaint now.
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StSusanna
Guest
I love giving my kids chores like everybody else above me, but I also have found a saving grace in attending Mass every day with my kids. I really thought they wouldn’t want to do it, and grant it, the younger ones don’t want to be there…but guess what? Not one complains about going. All of a sudden moods are better, patience is a little longer, and we get up earlier which gives us more productive time to finish what we need to … our chores! Also, the other day when tempers did start flashing between the kids, I started them on chores, then went to my car and prayed the Rosary. It was wonderful. Because by the time I came back in, my floor was picked up and they were playing respectfully with one another. I also use the counting method but with prayers. Instead of counting to 10 to calm down, I say a prayer. I ask the Holy Spirit to speak through me and to calm me down. Then I speak. Usually, that gives the child/teenager (my 5 range from 4 to 14) time to reflect upon what they have said. If they don’t recognize that their worlds were hurtful, I tell them. That was disrespectful and I won’t tolerate that tone. If I look at the situation hard enough, I can usually see why they are saying what they are saying and IF warranted, I will validate their words but not HOW they said it. Like you are saying he is bored. I’m sure he is. Take this time to find out what his interests are and let him know that see if your schedule allows time to let him do those things.
If your son is academically inclined, he may enjoy a summer bridge book. It is a collection of everything he should have learned in his last grade and some new materials they will be covering in school next year. My kids enjoy those as well. They are quick, but help keep them going during the summer.
My children like to go to the movies, the mall, Six Flags, swimming, so I ask them to sit with me and schedule those activities on our calendar. When they have been good, we all go and have fun. I take their friends with us so they don’t loose contact over the summer (unless you want them to loose contact with them!) I use the Verizon In plan and give a spare phone to my eldest kids so they can “hang” with their friends without mom being right there. But we check in every 30 to 45 minutes. I tell them when we go that their only warning to be good is the one I’m giving them right then. If they act up, we leave, party over, no excuses no 2nd chances. I have never had one take a chance that I might be bluffing, because they know I’m not.
Also, stock up your frig with fun snacks and under your supervision he can hang with his friends. Maybe they would like to wash your car. I know it sounds goofy, but with the right goodies and music, they could make a mini party out of it, keep cool, and knowing boys, they will make a contest out of who can get the tires the cleanest! (perhaps their is a widow or an elderly person in the neighborhood that would like cleanup up on the outside as a MINISTRY) They can clean gutters, mow lawns, toss a football. This is also a great way for them to earn their own movie tickets. I like to pay with gift certificates to their favorite fast food restaurants or tickets to the movie or to a movie rental store.
In this way you are giving them something to do while giving them a means to do some more things. But only if their attitude is right. Each time you allow him to treat you disrespectfully, he will think he can go further next time. Shut him down quickly and respectfully. Don’t raise your voice, kids are always looking for ways to make us look like we are not in control. The minute you raise your voice, you have lost control of yourself, the situation, and him.
God bless. I saw that you are a cradle Catholic seeking a better understanding of your faith. You’re on a good site. For some extra inspiration, check out the Mary Foundation at Catholicity.com. They give free tapes/cds that explain the Sacrament of Reconciliation, the Mass, Scott Hahn’s converstion, The Rosary, etc. It’s awsome! check it out.
If your son is academically inclined, he may enjoy a summer bridge book. It is a collection of everything he should have learned in his last grade and some new materials they will be covering in school next year. My kids enjoy those as well. They are quick, but help keep them going during the summer.
My children like to go to the movies, the mall, Six Flags, swimming, so I ask them to sit with me and schedule those activities on our calendar. When they have been good, we all go and have fun. I take their friends with us so they don’t loose contact over the summer (unless you want them to loose contact with them!) I use the Verizon In plan and give a spare phone to my eldest kids so they can “hang” with their friends without mom being right there. But we check in every 30 to 45 minutes. I tell them when we go that their only warning to be good is the one I’m giving them right then. If they act up, we leave, party over, no excuses no 2nd chances. I have never had one take a chance that I might be bluffing, because they know I’m not.
Also, stock up your frig with fun snacks and under your supervision he can hang with his friends. Maybe they would like to wash your car. I know it sounds goofy, but with the right goodies and music, they could make a mini party out of it, keep cool, and knowing boys, they will make a contest out of who can get the tires the cleanest! (perhaps their is a widow or an elderly person in the neighborhood that would like cleanup up on the outside as a MINISTRY) They can clean gutters, mow lawns, toss a football. This is also a great way for them to earn their own movie tickets. I like to pay with gift certificates to their favorite fast food restaurants or tickets to the movie or to a movie rental store.
In this way you are giving them something to do while giving them a means to do some more things. But only if their attitude is right. Each time you allow him to treat you disrespectfully, he will think he can go further next time. Shut him down quickly and respectfully. Don’t raise your voice, kids are always looking for ways to make us look like we are not in control. The minute you raise your voice, you have lost control of yourself, the situation, and him.
God bless. I saw that you are a cradle Catholic seeking a better understanding of your faith. You’re on a good site. For some extra inspiration, check out the Mary Foundation at Catholicity.com. They give free tapes/cds that explain the Sacrament of Reconciliation, the Mass, Scott Hahn’s converstion, The Rosary, etc. It’s awsome! check it out.
M
Mary_s_Lamb
Guest
Lil,
My children always foght the first week home. For some reason, they had trouble making the transition from school to home for vacation. Whenever they did this, I made them stop and clean the bathrooms. This is their least favorite job. I’d only have them do it once. After that if they started misbehaving, all I’d have to do is remind them that my bathrooms needed cleaning. They would quickly resolve every problem to avoid the chore.
People ask me HOW do you get them to do it, since they dislike it so much. I simply would tell them that if they don’t do what I want them to do then… I won’t do what they want me to do (like make meals, etc…)
Now my oldest is in college. She’s home for summer bread but fortunately has outgrown fighting with her brother. On the other hand, my bathrooms could use cleaning. : )
My children always foght the first week home. For some reason, they had trouble making the transition from school to home for vacation. Whenever they did this, I made them stop and clean the bathrooms. This is their least favorite job. I’d only have them do it once. After that if they started misbehaving, all I’d have to do is remind them that my bathrooms needed cleaning. They would quickly resolve every problem to avoid the chore.
People ask me HOW do you get them to do it, since they dislike it so much. I simply would tell them that if they don’t do what I want them to do then… I won’t do what they want me to do (like make meals, etc…)
Now my oldest is in college. She’s home for summer bread but fortunately has outgrown fighting with her brother. On the other hand, my bathrooms could use cleaning. : )
K
kage_ar
Guest
In Matthew Kelly’s book, “The Rhythm of Life” – he makes a point about the joy of wasting time with the people you love. That is one part of the book that took root in my heart, and I can tell you that the best Saturdays for us are like this past Saturday – my son, husband and I did not go to town, DH tinkered around a bit – but, no big projects. DS and I plopped on the couch watching movies and napping – we cooked a big breakfast and did NOTHING. It was such a recharging day.
Maybe, let the first few days of summer vacation BE lazy days – having no agenda – and join the kids in this. Just enjoy wasting time with your kids for a couple of summer days!
Maybe, let the first few days of summer vacation BE lazy days – having no agenda – and join the kids in this. Just enjoy wasting time with your kids for a couple of summer days!
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netmilsmom
Guest
I’m just asking here.
What would you like him to do? Is it chores or activites?
My perfect solution is to send my daughter to her room when she gets attitude. I tell her that if she can’t be a member of the family, go cop attitude in her room. She has no computer, phone or tv in the room.
After a few hours her attitude adjusts.
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mommy
Guest
I would LOVE this!!!:dancing:
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space_ghost
Guest
…how about…
http://briem.ismennt.is/4/4.3b/4.3.1.beating.gif
ok, ok,… i know… wrong melinnium…
http://www.verity.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/devizestours/images/spooky.jpg
http://briem.ismennt.is/4/4.3b/4.3.1.beating.gif
ok, ok,… i know… wrong melinnium…
http://www.verity.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/devizestours/images/spooky.jpg
T
turboEDvo
Guest
Well, my mother would never tolerate an attitude from me or my sister. Basically, she told us that it was not her job to occupy us all day long. When we were younger and she worked all day, we got a sitter. When we got older and she would come home after lunch, we didn’t get one. But it was our job to keep occupied, which we always managed to do.
Eamon
Eamon
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Fashina86
Guest
I should suggest that for my brother(I love him anyway)… but I am still in school, so I guess that I can get irrritated starting the 16th of June… until then, give them something a (like books to read) to keep them busy and out of your way for part of the day… reading a book a week, keeps us busy for at least an hour a day! Mom, still would never accept attitude. I recall writing numerous essays about attitude problems.
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Marysgirl
Guest
I think it depends on the child. Since my son was 10yrs old he was busy mowing lawns and doing odd jobs for neighbors. He is 20yr old now and he is still busy all the time.
Five of my grandchildren that I babysit for are ages 5 thru 12yr old. Last summer we had the best time. My hubby and I spend all spring getting ready for summer vacation. My sanity is at stake, hubby works so he is gone.
We have a huge yard and we set up an 18ft pool and have a big trampoline. We have basketball and tetherball. The smaller kids still have a swing set and their big wheels with a long driveway where they ride them. My hubby built a sand box that is at waist level so they don’t sit in it and bring so much sand in the house. Even the older kids love it, we hide treasures in the sand and they love to find them. They love it. We planted a garden with lots of things the kids can go out and check on and pick at their leisure (strawberries, cukes, blue berries). There is a big tire swing. We take a big thermos full of ice water outside so they aren’t going in all the time for a drink.
These kids talked all winter about it and ask all the time when summer is going to get here. I paniced when I thought of having all these bored whinny kids all summer but I totally enjoyed them. They had a ball! Now I’m getting ready for another good summer and my trick is keep them busy all the time.
All the kids have school work to do and reading they are required to do before they can do all the fun stuff.
Five of my grandchildren that I babysit for are ages 5 thru 12yr old. Last summer we had the best time. My hubby and I spend all spring getting ready for summer vacation. My sanity is at stake, hubby works so he is gone.
We have a huge yard and we set up an 18ft pool and have a big trampoline. We have basketball and tetherball. The smaller kids still have a swing set and their big wheels with a long driveway where they ride them. My hubby built a sand box that is at waist level so they don’t sit in it and bring so much sand in the house. Even the older kids love it, we hide treasures in the sand and they love to find them. They love it. We planted a garden with lots of things the kids can go out and check on and pick at their leisure (strawberries, cukes, blue berries). There is a big tire swing. We take a big thermos full of ice water outside so they aren’t going in all the time for a drink.
These kids talked all winter about it and ask all the time when summer is going to get here. I paniced when I thought of having all these bored whinny kids all summer but I totally enjoyed them. They had a ball! Now I’m getting ready for another good summer and my trick is keep them busy all the time.
All the kids have school work to do and reading they are required to do before they can do all the fun stuff.
S
savone
Guest
nobody, who is somebody
While looking at some articles at another website, came across this:
ConQuest Boys Clubs
ConQuest is a national network of leadership clubs and camps for boys and young men ages 5 to 18 years of age. ConQuest’s mission is to train boys to become self-disciplined and confident young men.
Link to catholic.net/linksframe.phtml?link=http://conquestclubs.org/
While looking at some articles at another website, came across this:
ConQuest Boys Clubs
ConQuest is a national network of leadership clubs and camps for boys and young men ages 5 to 18 years of age. ConQuest’s mission is to train boys to become self-disciplined and confident young men.
Link to catholic.net/linksframe.phtml?link=http://conquestclubs.org/
K
Karen_Anne
Guest
Good idea…Bad attitudes do not develop in one day - the day school gets out…Consistency throughout the year will help the most with the problems you are having now.
Karen Anne
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sparkle
Guest
Yep------the ONLY thing is to get kids involved in summer sports activities, set up a weekly schedule and stick with it.
I feel children need even more of a regime in summer, so they don’t go hog wild and lazy.
I.E. Mondays-----go to the gym together
Tuesdays---- movie day or matinee
Wednesday --feed the homeless at your church
Thursdays ------reading only day, no games, but lunch out their choice of restaurant----
Fridays -----bike riding --then a barbeque at nite----assign HIM to do it of course-------
weekends------family together time–doin whatever~~~
I do feel structure helps hold it together-----
Good Luck.
I’m going thru it too–I have one out already, 2 out this Friday…OH NO!!!
I feel children need even more of a regime in summer, so they don’t go hog wild and lazy.
I.E. Mondays-----go to the gym together
Tuesdays---- movie day or matinee
Wednesday --feed the homeless at your church
Thursdays ------reading only day, no games, but lunch out their choice of restaurant----
Fridays -----bike riding --then a barbeque at nite----assign HIM to do it of course-------
weekends------family together time–doin whatever~~~
I do feel structure helps hold it together-----
Good Luck.
I’m going thru it too–I have one out already, 2 out this Friday…OH NO!!!
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Fashina86
Guest
Regimetation works for me… We ususally have 8:00 Mass in the morning and housework until noon… then Angeles and an hour of reading time… then we are free until Mom gets home
S
sparkle
Guest
please tell us how is it going?
Ya know all the ta-doo about SAHM’s --how glorious it is, how lucky we are, etc., etc., well, it’s THE hardest job in the world!!! Only God knows this! right? I think of the days I was a “career woman” making great money–no responsibilities and now I think wow how easy those days were-------well, phooey------being a SAHM is so much harder and with NO pay----except of course, our pay in heaven. And yes, friends, this is the most meaningful of all isn’t it?
There are so many things I’d like to get involved with in my new-found Parish. But, I’m thinkin one of my teen son’s confirmation program probably is the most worthy of them all.!!! As much as I really hate to drive kids–noisy–messy—loud—on “field trips”…this IS my primary vocation right now, and I must yield to it, as you, my friend too, the originator of this thread. It will involve much sacrifice, but it will be soooo worth it in the end, when our children are reared in the Lord and His Church…don 't you think???
Good Luck----I pray every day you might wake and pray: “Lord how might I serve you today”??? Thru my kids, well then O.K.
Luv,
Ya know all the ta-doo about SAHM’s --how glorious it is, how lucky we are, etc., etc., well, it’s THE hardest job in the world!!! Only God knows this! right? I think of the days I was a “career woman” making great money–no responsibilities and now I think wow how easy those days were-------well, phooey------being a SAHM is so much harder and with NO pay----except of course, our pay in heaven. And yes, friends, this is the most meaningful of all isn’t it?
There are so many things I’d like to get involved with in my new-found Parish. But, I’m thinkin one of my teen son’s confirmation program probably is the most worthy of them all.!!! As much as I really hate to drive kids–noisy–messy—loud—on “field trips”…this IS my primary vocation right now, and I must yield to it, as you, my friend too, the originator of this thread. It will involve much sacrifice, but it will be soooo worth it in the end, when our children are reared in the Lord and His Church…don 't you think???
Good Luck----I pray every day you might wake and pray: “Lord how might I serve you today”??? Thru my kids, well then O.K.
Luv,
- Status