Help for Catholic convert considering divorce

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Help!

Here goes—I have been in the Catholic Church for over two years now. I came from a Southern Baptist church, and my husband is still currently Baptist. However, he will not let my children (ages 7 and 2 and one on the way!) be baptized in the Catholic Church. I understand that I should be doing everything necessary to bring my children to the Catholic Faith. I pray, offer rosaries, pray before the Blessed Sacrament, light candles, offer the Holy Communion I receive for my family’s coming into the Catholic Church. I’ve tried increasing my service to my husband at home. Nothing is working. I am very discouraged. My husband refuses to read any books I have offered him, (he only likes to read the sports page in the newspaper) and when I show him Holy Scripture that gives evidence for Catholicism, he says that I am interpreting it wrong. 😦 Unfortunately, I have considered divorcing him, asking for full custody of my children, just so I know that I can rear them in the Catholic Church. But, I would hate to break our family apart over religion. Also, if I divorce him, he may never come to know the truth of the Catholic Faith.

I would appreciate any wisdom/advice from any of you who may have been or are in a situation similar to mine. Your prayers would also be appreciated.

Thanks so much!
journey
 
First a question - what were your marriage vows? Did you intend to divorce when things weren’t as nice you thought they would be?

I always hate it when those ambitious JWs and Mormons come knocking on my door and want to ram their religion down my throat. Or when people ask me if I have been saved in a condescending manner. Sounds like you are making the mistake of trying to convert your husband. That is not your job. You may be doing the reverse!

Your job is to pray and to live your Christian faith. Which it sounds like you are doing. You cannot get him to read stuff he doesn’t want to. Would you read an accounting book because I thought you didn’t know much about financial matters even though you couldn’t stand debits and credits?

I think you need to lay off him and quit the holier than thou attitude - which may not be what you intend but may be how you are coming across. Concentrate on his good points and bring them out.

Practice your faith by going to church, praying and taking your children to church. Home school your children in their religion. Most likely he will agree to let you practice if you accept him and don’t try to force the religion on him. He will also let the children be baptized and raised Catholic but give him some space.

Again- concentrate on his good points and look at his view of things. Be understanding. Guide him in leading a good moral life.
 
Journey, my prayers are with you during this difficult time. I think divorcing your huband would be the worst thing you could do. When you were married, you were both of the same faith, but I assume that was not the reason you married him. From how desperately you want him to know the True Church, I would think you married him out of love, and that you still love him. If this is the case then by divorcing him you would place yourself outside of communion with the Catholic Church.

So what can you do? First, trust in God. Only the Holy Spirit can convert the heart of another, so stop trying to do it all yourself. Keep up the wonderful prayers and devotions, but don’t expect them to have magical effects on your husband’s soul. Also, you say that he will not allow your children to be baptised in the Catholic Church. I assume he’d be alright with them being baptised in his church? If so, let them be baptised there. The Nicene Creed states that “we acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sin”. This means that, so long as the proper formula is used (“I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit”), that their baptism will be completely valid in the eyes of the Church.

Secondly, your husband may not let them be raised Catholic, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t teach them about the Catholic Faith. Eventually they will be old enough to make up their own minds, and so long as you have provided a good example, perhaps they will see the truth even if your husband will not. Also, think of this…if your children see you divorce your husband over religion, they may become hostile to God altogether. Better that they be raised with a love of God (even in a Protestant church) than hatred of Him.
 
Is your husband raising your children in his faith or yours? Is he taking them to church and Bible school?Or is he issueing an edict of “Raise them Baptist” knowing full well you are Catholic?
 
Dear Journey:

Your frustration is understandable but your solution would only convince your husband that the Catholic faith which you have so enthusiastically embraced ended your marriage. I could not say for sure, but I would assume that there are probably other issues in your marriage that also need attention. Please seek the help of an orthodox priest that specializes in marriage counseling. Possibly consider Catholic social services although they are hit and miss depending upon where you live.

If you can manage it, I agree with other writers that you have to be patient and allow the Holy Spirit to do the work. It may be that your current situation is God’s plan for your redemption as suffering can be a means for your unite yourself with Christ. Your husband needs to be drawn to the Catholic faith based on the beauty of our faith and probably out of pride will never let you to lead him there.

As for children, remember what Christ said to the apostles “let the children come to me”. We were faced with a similar situation with a niece being raised by atheist/agnostic grandparents. A holy and wise priest said we should not be overly concerned about the children at this point and focus our prayers on the grandparents. My guess is that your children will gravitate to your Catholic faith as they grow and mature because they will see how it works in your life. God belss you!
 
Thank you so much for all of your responses. Yes, I do need to be more patient and allow the Holy Spirit to do His work in my husband’s life. Yes, my husband does think that I have a holier-than-thou attitude, although, I promise you guys, I do not try to present that to him. My husband does insist that our children attend the Baptist church with him. My daughter (7 yrs) has been baptized in the Baptist church, and I was there to support her in that. Thank-you for all of your prayers. God bless each of you!

journey
 
Journey,

My heart goes out to you. I am in a similar circumstance, though one of my own making because I didn’t follow Church teaching. I married outside the Church to a divorced protestant who made it clear that our daughter would not be raised Catholic when she was about 5. To fight it would likely have ended in divorce and I would likely have seen my daughter less (consequently having less influence on her life) and she still would have been raised protestant.

Of course it was only after my wife put her foot down that my eyes were open to the Church’s teaching and how important my Faith really was. So I am journeying my way home to the Catholic Church- alone, metaphorically speaking.

I obviously don’t have a good anwer for you. I pray for my wife, that she might be open to the Church some day. Like your husband, she says I have a “holier-than-thou” attitude and that Catholics think they are better than everyone else. No matter how I try to be humble she sees me in that light. so for now her heart is closed. But I am blessed in the midst of all my sorrow because God has chosen to humble me and teach me things about patience and love that I never understood before. The cross has more meaning for me now that ever and I have had to work at forgiving and loving my wife while I am still “the bad guy” in her eyes.

Almost 5 years ago I made the decision to remain with her and live in countenance with her, as close to the Church’s teaching as I understand it. She does not understand my move to “celebacy” but she seems to respect it even though I have never offered an explanation (not because I don’t want her to understand, but because she can not understand it).

I try to teach our daughter as much as I can about the Catholic Church and keep some connection between her and the Church. I pray regularly to God that she might be open to His Church when she gets older and I remind myself that the Holy Spirit does the work of conversion- I’ll try to not create any addtional barriers.

Good luck. Continue to persevere and remain rooted in faith. May God bless you and know that someone is praying for you.

adam2david
 
Thank you adamtodavid,

I will also be praying for you and your family and your journey back to the Catholic Church.

God bless you!
journey
 
Dearest Journey:

It says in the Bible, that our spouses are made whole or justified by OUR faith, even if they are unbelievers, (or I believe in your case–of a different denomination). Praise the Lord!!!

Journey, I believe it is your wifely duty to honor your husband, even if he does not support you in your Catholic Faith. I know it will be hard, but in the long run you will be blessed. Divorce is NOT an option! Please remove this from your mind all together, O.K.?

Perhaps go to church with him where he wants with the kids on Sunday, (you’re still worshipping the Lord)-- and then you go to the Sat nite. vigil alone. That’s what I do presently, and I pray my hubby and kids will one day, in God’s timing, also come into the Catholic Church as well. A division in denomination is surely NOT a cause for divorce, or even tension! LOVE your husband, tell him so, honor and respect him, even if he wants to worship elsewhere. You are most lucky he wants to go anywhere as there are many women with husbands, who are non-Christians and refuse to go to Church anywhere. Be thankful that he loves the Lord!

My thoughts and prayers are with you! I can relate!!! As I am going through a similar thing. Be patient Journey. It’s hard yes, but God will so honor you in your efforts.
 
Journey:

One more thing I wanted to say-----don’t ever underestimate the power of the Lord-----He is working in YOU and your husband and kids see it.

Just last Sunday, we went to Catholic 12:00 Mass, as we all slept in and were too late for our usual 10:00 a.m. Church, and while there, in the giftshop I was looking at a Rosary. Well, my sweet 14 year old son looks at it, picking up a little brochure on “How to Pray the Rosary” and says “look Mom, maybe you should read this”…it was so cute! Also, I have one in my car, and he loves to feel it and play with it. I’ve always said, “honey some day you will want to pray it too”… So, see, they notice our every move, our faith, don’t ever doubt it–Trust the Lord—HE will not fail you nor your family!!!

What an example WE as women can be to our families! Don’t doubt for a minute Journey!!!

You’re in my prayers and thoughts----
 
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journey:
Help!

Here goes—I have been in the Catholic Church for over two years now. I came from a Southern Baptist church, and my husband is still currently Baptist. However, he will not let my children (ages 7 and 2 and one on the way!) be baptized in the Catholic Church. I understand that I should be doing everything necessary to bring my children to the Catholic Faith. I pray, offer rosaries, pray before the Blessed Sacrament, light candles, offer the Holy Communion I receive for my family’s coming into the Catholic Church. I’ve tried increasing my service to my husband at home. Nothing is working. I am very discouraged. My husband refuses to read any books I have offered him, (he only likes to read the sports page in the newspaper) and when I show him Holy Scripture that gives evidence for Catholicism, he says that I am interpreting it wrong. 😦 Unfortunately, I have considered divorcing him, asking for full custody of my children, just so I know that I can rear them in the Catholic Church. But, I would hate to break our family apart over religion. Also, if I divorce him, he may never come to know the truth of the Catholic Faith.

I would appreciate any wisdom/advice from any of you who may have been or are in a situation similar to mine. Your prayers would also be appreciated.

Thanks so much!
journey
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It’s probably better not to force the issue, my late father rebelled against the Church, and stayed away for years, I used to leave religious books around the house and many times I knew he was reading them.
When he became unwell he used to say the Rosary that I also placed in his way, and he used to hang the beads on the bedpost.
So by example is the best way, not like do as I say, but more do as I do 👍
 
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