Help for homeless friend?

[kerath25]

Friends, I have found myself in a difficult position and I need some help to work through the best way to handle it.

About six months ago, a friend of mine brought a very interesting man to our bible study. He is covered in tattoos (including his face). He had spent most of his life in prison and now, in his mid-thirties, he wants to come back to faith in Christ. The group accepted him and he came back several times with our mutual friend. He never asked for money or any other type of help. He was being thrown out of his apartment, so I offered to let him stay with me until he had saved up enough to get his own place, gotten his drivers license and a few other essentials.

He stayed for two months. We got along well, but had little in common. He lost his job a few weeks after he moved in and was unsuccessful in finding a new one. My wife and I bought him the things he needed for basic necessities and travel for work. After a while, he stopped coming back at night, saying he wanted to stay with his girlfriend. Finally, he came back and told us that he hadn’t really been staying with her, but had been living under the bridge when he didn’t come home (we never found out why), and now he wanted to move in with his girlfriend. My wife and I disapproved, but decided that we had no power to make him stay. At least this way, he had a roof over his head.

He continued coming to the bible study, but by now, he was asking for help with lots of things: paying his cell phone so employers could reach him, buying food, a new bicycle. I found out through other channels that he was taking some of the money he was given and spending it on alcohol. Just recently, he called me and said his girlfriend threw him out and taken all of his things. She called me a few minutes later to say she hadn’t thrown him out, but he was welcome to pick up his belongings at any time if he wanted to leave. At this point, he is in another relationship of which everyone who knows greatly disapproves. He continues asking for help with almost everything from anyone he can reach that will not “preach” to him.

I feel bad for this man, but he seems unwilling or unable to change his life. He calls on Jesus for help, but refuses to do anything to stop the sins he commits every day. He has lied to me and our community, but most of them don’t know it. I want to help him to know Christ, but I don’t know what to do anymore. At what point do we say that we won’t help anymore? What is more, I don’t know if I should let the other people in the bible study know what he does with the money and things that they give him.

Sorry for the wall-of-text, but it seemed important to have some detail. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

[jessicaAKAmommy]

I would get in contact with a homeless ministry in your area and discuss your situation. The best thing for your friend may be to back off completely. First and foremost pray for him. I wish I had a fool-proof solution for you. It’s hard to watch someone go down a path of destruction and just be a spectator, but sometimes helping them just speeds up the downward spiral. Unfortunately I learned this lesson as a kid watching my dad try desperately to save his brother. My prayers are with you and your friend.

 

[Answersplease]

I would get in contact with a homeless ministry in your area and discuss your situation. The best thing for your friend may be to back off completely. First and foremost pray for him. I wish I had a fool-proof solution for you. It’s hard to watch someone go down a path of destruction and just be a spectator, but sometimes helping them just speeds up the downward spiral. Unfortunately I learned this lesson as a kid watching my dad try desperately to save his brother. My prayers are with you and your friend.

Buy him a very cheap “prepaid” or “pay as you go” cell phone, you buy the phone and they are very cheap depending on what kind you get, then you buy an “airtime” card which activates the phone with how many minutes are on the card. Tell him the phone is to be used only so employers can call him back. An airtime card can be a litle expensive depending on how many minutes you want and how long untill it expires, but it is probably cheaper than a continuous monthly payment on a regular cell phone.

Have someone take him to the unemployment office and have him register and meet with the respresentatives there to plan a job search strategy.

If he needs money for an item, buy the item for him instead of giving him the money.
It is better if the item is used, like an old used bicycle, the older the better, that way if he tries to sell the bicycle he won’t get much money for it.

Have the group be on the look out for jobs that he can apply for, search the internet a couple of minutes a day for a job for him and keep an eye out for jobs when going about in your community.

The unemployment representative can help him with his resume, but follow up and make sure he actually makes one and help him post it online.

He may be depressed about not being able to find work and has turned to alcohol, an expert in this area is needed, perhaps someone in your church is qaulified.

 

[kerath25]

Buy him a very cheap “prepaid” or “pay as you go” cell phone, you buy the phone and they are very cheap depending on what kind you get, then you buy an “airtime” card which activates the phone with how many minutes are on the card. Tell him the phone is to be used only so employers can call him back. An airtime card can be a litle expensive depending on how many minutes you want and how long untill it expires, but it is probably cheaper than a continuous monthly payment on a regular cell phone.

Have someone take him to the unemployment office and have him register and meet with the respresentatives there to plan a job search strategy.

If he needs money for an item, buy the item for him instead of giving him the money.
It is better if the item is used, like an old used bicycle, the older the better, that way if he tries to sell the bicycle he won’t get much money for it.

Have the group be on the look out for jobs that he can apply for, search the internet a couple of minutes a day for a job for him and keep an eye out for jobs when going about in your community.

The unemployment representative can help him with his resume, but follow up and make sure he actually makes one and help him post it online.

He may be depressed about not being able to find work and has turned to alcohol, an expert in this area is needed, perhaps someone in your church is qaulified.

Deep breath

Not to sound too negative on it, but we did get him a phone. He continues to ask members of the community, some whom don’t have phones for themselves, to pay for it. The group gave him a bike, but he lost it and now wants another one. A friend of mine found him a job, guaranteed that they would hire him, and found a ride to get him there every day, but he didn’t show up for either the ride or the job.

Now he’s calling nearly every day, asking if I can get him some food. I feel bad saying no, but I know that he is living almost next door to a soup kitchen. I don’t want to be an enabler; on the other hand, food and water are basic necessities that we as Christians must offer when we can. At what point do we say enough is enough?

Thanks for the suggestions so far. I will try to meet with our priest about this.

 

[quiet52]

Have him rake leaves, pull weeds, paint a fence, wash your car, to earn a few dollars for a meal. In addition, provide him with a couple bottles of water and a sandwich, each time he shows up to do a task, so he can eat before doing it. Just a thought.

 

[dashso40]

Have him rake leaves, pull weeds, paint a fence, wash your car, to earn a few dollars for a meal. In addition, provide him with a couple bottles of water and a sandwich, each time he shows up to do a task, so he can eat before doing it. Just a thought.

This is a good idea…

You are very nice to keep helping this person, but unfortunely, I know people like this…He sounds like an addicted person,you said he drinks alcohol with the money you give him…Until people stop helping him, he will not get help…sometimes people have to hit rock bottom to realize how lost they truly are…If people keep supporting him, he’ll never hit rock bottom, I know this is not Catholic, but I know many people like this…He’ll just keep taking advantage of everyone as long as they let him…If someone is truly making an effort to improve themselves than by all means, help, but so far it doesn’t sound like he is…

 

[Liraco]

At what point do we say enough is enough?

Certainly do talk to a priest but I get the feeling that rather than doing what you should, now all you’re doing him is harming him. He’s not straightening up and he seems to not be trying so he needs help of some kind.

It seems like he needs to once again feel the weight of his cross and realize what it’s like when people stop carrying it for him. It’s usually during hard times when one is vulnerable that one feels most inclined to accept Him. I do hope the priest has some good ideas. I’ll be praying for you and your friend.