HELP Horrible mistake

[PhilotheaZ]

I still feel really guilty and undeserving of God’s love.

I am praying every night for the strength to not let this mistake get me down, but I can’t stop crying whenever I think about it. I feel like I am trapped and that no matter what I do, this sin will be like a stain on my soul forever.

I don’t know what to do.

I want to share with you one of my favorite stories from the Bible, about Jesus and a repentant woman (Luke 7:36-50):

A Pharisee invited him to dine with him, and he entered the Pharisee’s house and reclined at table. Now there was a sinful woman in the city who learned that he was at table in the house of the Pharisee. Bringing an alabaster flask of ointment, she stood behind him at his feet weeping and began to bathe his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them, and anointed them with the ointment. When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who and what sort of woman this is who is touching him, that she is a sinner.” Jesus said to him in reply, “Simon, I have something to say to you.” “Tell me, teacher,” he said. “Two people were in debt to a certain creditor; one owed five hundred days’ wages and the other owed fifty. Since they were unable to repay the debt, he forgave it for both. Which of them will love him more?” Simon said in reply, “The one, I suppose, whose larger debt was forgiven.” He said to him, “You have judged rightly.” Then he turned to the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? When I entered your house, you did not give me water for my feet, but she has bathed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but she has not ceased kissing my feet since the time I entered. You did not anoint my head with oil, but she anointed my feet with ointment. So I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven; hence, she has shown great love. But the one to whom little is forgiven, loves little.” He said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.” The others at table said to themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?” But he said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

The reason I point this out to you is to show you that God can use anything — even our sinfulness — to draw us closer to Himself. The words highlighted above show that when we have been forgiven a grave sin, we can end up loving God even more than we would have had we never sinned, because it makes us aware of God’s wonderful love and mercy.

Since confessing some major sins, I think I have become closer to God than I ever was before I sinned.

I did have trouble “beating myself up” for a while, but then whenever I started thinking about past sins, I would stop myself and use the opportunity to say, “Thank You, Lord, for Your mercy and forgiveness!” It helped a lot.

None of us is deserving of God’s love. He gives it as a free gift, and He wants us to accept it. Don’t ever think that you could commit a sin that is too big for God to forgive. His mercy is bigger than all the sins of every person who ever lived all added together.

 

[BenM]

It seems really common to be tempted to beat yourself up over past sins that have been forgiven, especially stuff we’re not proud of - but the very fact you show such remorse over it all shows your sincerity.

The truth is, we all have sins in our past we regret (myself very much included ) and we’re all a little damaged in some way. Don’t let that hold you back from loving God now and doing your best to avoid any future sins like this. I promise you, if you find the right person to marry and be with, all of this will seem like a distant memory one day - and I’m sure you’ll find them soon!

When therefore they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said to them: He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. *…] *And Jesus alone remained, and the woman standing in the midst. 10 Then Jesus lifting up himself, said to her: Woman, where are they that accused thee? Hath no man condemned thee? 11 Who said: No man, Lord. And Jesus said: Neither will I condemn thee. Go, and now sin no more

 

[Kristen]

I’m praying for you, Mary! Some of us have a lot of trouble forgiving ourselves, even after God has, and fear that significant others will too. There’s some excellent advice and Scripture on this thread. And, there are “living saints” out there who unconditionally love sinners like us and help us become saints; I know because I married one of them almost five years ago.

Regarding the latter fear, that a future boyfriend/spouse will reject one over past sins, especially sexual: A good friend of mine from high school and college (a lifelong evangelical) and I had a discussion years and years before either of us met our husbands or married. We both expressed that we wanted to be virgins until marriage and that we desired the same from our husbands. I asked her what she would do if she found-out that a potential husband wasn’t a virgin. She immediately and simply said that if he had repented and was a “secondary virgin” (like you, committed to no further sexual activity until marriage), she would be fine with him because once God has forgiven someone, what right does any other sinner have to withhold forgiveness. I’ve always thought that was excellent advice, applicable in multiple situations. So, bottom line, if a potential spouse is unable or unwilling to look beyond your repented and confessed (FORGIVEN) sin and see your “secondary virginity,” the problem is not with you but with him.

I hope this helps.

May God bless you!

 

[Marycruz]

Thanks for your advice and prayers