Help me with a friend who thinks EVERYTHING is an abuse

[Detroit_Sue]

I have a friend who carries around a copy of the GIRM and a yellow highlighter. She pounced on our new pastor because of the way he did the introductory prayers , and she never, ever accepts that “different” is not always “bad.”

Yesterday we went to the installation Mass of a friend of ours, who just was assigned his first pastorate. This parish had a reputation for being a little to the left before he moved in. Within the first 48 hours, he replaced the Tabernacle to the center of the Sanctuary, much to the delight of some of his new flock, and the annoyment of others. This parish has (what I consider to be stupid) a tradition of letting the parishioners from the back of the church to receive ( I guess it’s “the last will be first” syndrome), and then after receiving some of the parishioners stand and some kneel. She was infuriated! I told her to give the priest some time to develop rapport with the parishioners before he starts changing things, and I know he will. She came over this morning with her GIRM all marked up, and ready to bust a blood vessel.

What can I do to help her? She is single minded. If it’s not done the way our former pastor did it, it’s WRONG!!!

 

[Shiann]

Detroit Sue:

I have a friend who carries around a copy of the GIRM and a yellow highlighter. She pounced on our new pastor because of the way he did the introductory prayers , and she never, ever accepts that “different” is not always “bad.”

Yesterday we went to the installation Mass of a friend of ours, who just was assigned his first pastorate. This parish had a reputation for being a little to the left before he moved in. Within the first 48 hours, he replaced the Tabernacle to the center of the Sanctuary, much to the delight of some of his new flock, and the annoyment of others. This parish has (what I consider to be stupid) a tradition of letting the parishioners from the back of the church to receive ( I guess it’s “the last will be first” syndrome), and then after receiving some of the parishioners stand and some kneel. She was infuriated! I told her to give the priest some time to develop rapport with the parishioners before he starts changing things, and I know he will. She came over this morning with her GIRM all marked up, and ready to bust a blood vessel.

What can I do to help her? She is single minded. If it’s not done the way our former pastor did it, it’s WRONG!!!

That’s too bad. Sometimes in our zeal to have all the technicalities in order (not to say they aren’t important) we loose sight of the prize which is the peace that the Mass can give us.

I would continue to support your priest with her, and gently remind her that we are all imperfect in many ways.

As we learn more about the Faith, some of us (myself included) become passionate about these imperfections. I try to get involved when I can, or drop a note to the person in charge of that area of abuse. But in all my communications I try to remember the following quote:

“Do not use an axe to remove a fly from a friend’s forehead.”

Prayer is the greatest tool in this situation I think…

 

[Scott_Waddell]

Detroit Sue:

I have a friend who carries around a copy of the GIRM and a yellow highlighter. She pounced on our new pastor because of the way he did the introductory prayers , and she never, ever accepts that “different” is not always “bad.”

Yesterday we went to the installation Mass of a friend of ours, who just was assigned his first pastorate. This parish had a reputation for being a little to the left before he moved in. Within the first 48 hours, he replaced the Tabernacle to the center of the Sanctuary, much to the delight of some of his new flock, and the annoyment of others. This parish has (what I consider to be stupid) a tradition of letting the parishioners from the back of the church to receive ( I guess it’s “the last will be first” syndrome), and then after receiving some of the parishioners stand and some kneel. She was infuriated! I told her to give the priest some time to develop rapport with the parishioners before he starts changing things, and I know he will. She came over this morning with her GIRM all marked up, and ready to bust a blood vessel.

What can I do to help her? She is single minded. If it’s not done the way our former pastor did it, it’s WRONG!!!

As far as the Tabernacle being moved to the center, that is where it should go, so no one has much business getting peeved at that. As far as the kneeling/standing thing–that is alot trickier because you have to lean on actual people to do it one way or the other

Scott.

 

[Verbum_Caro]

Hi Sue,

It must be hard.

From my own experience (i.e. dealing with others and with myself when I get a bit too edgy) one useful way to combat overzealousness in liturgical matters is to develop a deeper sense of 1)history and 2) universality.

It often helps me to go back and discover the various historical liturgies, how they developed, what changed, what didn’t, why things changed. Sometimes things went away, and sometimes they came back!

And then I also think about the different rites within the Church. The different rubrics of each rite. Even the different traditions within the same rite do to geography, language, temperment, etc.

In other words, I often find that hyper-sensitivity to the rubrics might be a kind of “provinciality” creeping in, and a loss of the grandeur, majesty, and authenticity of the the various rights throughout history, throughout the world.

Now, with that said, within our own rite, and under our own local ordinary there should be uniformity, conformity and obedience. I always try to remember that true unity is found in the Catholicity of the Universal (and one) Church. That’s why that old saw “well we all stand for the consecration to promote unity” doesn’t really work, because that isn’t *true unity, *rather just a local provincial unity (we are all unified in disobeying the liturgical norms. . . :whacky: )

But for those who may be going too far in the opposite direction, while you certainly don’t want to discourage orthopraxis, a little bit of perspective on the Universal Church might help them let some of the “minor” (if there can actually be minor liturgical abuses) slide for the time being out of charity and prudence (and perhaps respect to the local ordinary and/or pastor who may be slowly making course corrections.)

What do you think?
VC

 

[Detroit_Sue]

I should probably have said that the priest who was installed at a new parish yesterday is as orthodox as they come. When he was ordained, he dedicated his priesthood to the Blessed Virgin. He’s going to have the schoolchildren eased into daily Mass. He’s having my husband assist him with the Sacramental grades in school. While the kids will be receiving their religious education from him ( ), my husband will be in charge of catechising the parents on the importance of the Sacraments. This is a parish who sees the sacrifice of the Mass as “a meal.” So he has a lot of work to do. You just can’t bust into a parish with a steamroller & have the ushers beating the parishioners over the head at every misstep.

I also guess I should be a little less stern with my friend, eh? I would gently like her to learn that not everything is wrong.

 

[harinkj]

Concerning the kneeling and standing: I go to a Tridentine Latin Mass where everybody does it together as it is in the 1962 Missale Romanum. I can never remember :whacky: so i just do what everyone else does. :clapping:

• Kathie :bowdown:

 

[JimG]

Carrying around a copy of the GIRM sounds a little obsessive to me.

 

[Toni]

Its to easy to fall into this and the best response I have ever heard was from a priest who said we can not be holier than the church. Sometimes people do this and I can’t say I have seen any success with these kind of people.