HELP! My Brother's live-in girlfriend!

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juliegh23

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My brother and I were raised Baptist. His girlfriend raised LDS or Mormon. I think he stil believes what he was taught, she is now atheist. We use to be really close. They have been dating for 4 years now. They have 2 dogs 1 cat and a house together. The major problem isn’t even the living together. About 2 years ago I bumped into my brother friends at the gym. I asked where he was, they said his girlfriend never lets him do anything anymore. We continued on, and they said that their girlfriends had told them that she was trying to get pregnant to keep him around, since he found out she cheated on him. I begged them to tell him, but they would not. Long story short, I ended up telling him. Things have not been the same since. They won’t even come to family get-togethers if I am there. She has said the most vulgar, vile things I have ever heard about me, my mother, and other folks. No one has told them to stop coming to things if those are the words, and actions they choose to use. Anyhow, I have tried to apologize for any trouble I might have caused, but she refuses to talk to me. I am not sorry for warning my brother, only for the trouble I have caused. I want my family to get along. What should I do?
 
It sounds like there is nothing much you can do at this point. I can’t tell from your post whether you recognize the role your brother plays in all of this. But clearly it is not all his girlfriend. He is responsible for some of the situation you describe–if only because he is living a sinful lifestyle and because he tolerates her behavior. In any case, all you can do is change your own behavior, not hers or your brothers. So put some emotional distance between you and her (and between you and your brother). Don’t let her behavior upset you. Focus on all the good things God gives you. Pray. God bless.
 
I have a very similar experience with my brother. A woman entered his life and was able to turn him against his whole family. When we tried to warn him that she was pulling him away , they acted very hurt like all of the family members were the problem. She (somehow?:rolleyes: ) got pregnant and they got married. I have not seen him in 12+ years.

The only advice I can give is to keep your emotions in control and stand up for your parents. Obviously he hasn’t. If she is anything like my brothers wife she won’t share him.

The ball is in his court.
I’m sure you did nothing wrong but you will feel like you did. :blessyou:
 
La Chiara:
It sounds like there is nothing much you can do at this point. I can’t tell from your post whether you recognize the role your brother plays in all of this. But clearly it is not all his girlfriend. He is responsible for some of the situation you describe–if only because he is living a sinful lifestyle and because he tolerates her behavior. In any case, all you can do is change your own behavior, not hers or your brothers. So put some emotional distance between you and her (and between you and your brother). Don’t let her behavior upset you. Focus on all the good things God gives you. Pray. God bless.
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I do realize his role in all of this. I guess that is what hurts the most. Thank you for your help, and suggestion. Sometimes it takes someone outside the situation to say the same things, before you really believe that is the right thing to do.
 
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tTt:
I have a very similar experience with my brother. A woman entered his life and was able to turn him against his whole family. When we tried to warn him that she was pulling him away , they acted very hurt like all of the family members were the problem. She (somehow?:rolleyes: ) got pregnant and they got married. I have not seen him in 12+ years.

The only advice I can give is to keep your emotions in control and stand up for your parents. Obviously he hasn’t. If she is anything like my brothers wife she won’t share him.

The ball is in his court.
I’m sure you did nothing wrong but you will feel like you did. :blessyou:
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How sad. I am so sorry for your loss. I have always had my emotions in check when around her, so that’s good I guess. You are right the ball is in his court. I just wish he’d pick it up and do what he knows is right. I think part of the reason he does not end it is because he thinks he would never find someone to love him.
 
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juliegh23:
…Anyhow, I have tried to apologize for any trouble I might have caused, but she refuses to talk to me. I am not sorry for warning my brother, only for the trouble I have caused. I want my family to get along. What should I do?
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I want to concur with the above posters that you did not “cause” the trouble. The trouble was already there and you simply lanced it open. You really cannot change their defensive response. The relationship has too many warning signs of an unhealthy relationship. I suggest trying to keep the relationship open with your brother. I would ignore his girlfriend for the present–nothing to be gained there. And pray for brother to get liberated from this nasty relationship. 😦
 
Our family is in much the same situation. My son’s wife made him choose between her and his family before they got married. She is also an atheist and belittled his faith until he gave that up for her too. She has said horrible things to us and has tried to drive us out of their lives. After a couple of years of this he is beginning to stand up to her, just a bit. They have moved thousands of miles away and we are only allowed minimal contact with him through email, holiday cards and an occasional phone call. I keep our “conversation” light and off our problems and I pray every day for a conversion. I know several other families in similiar situations and I don’t understand why people can be such control freaks that they want total control over someone.
It sounds like this gal wants you to give up on him, don’t do it. Even if it’s minimal, keep the lines of communication open. You can certainly email me privately if you want to.
I know how much it hurts.
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juliegh23:
My brother and I were raised Baptist. His girlfriend raised LDS or Mormon. I think he stil believes what he was taught, she is now atheist. We use to be really close. They have been dating for 4 years now. They have 2 dogs 1 cat and a house together. The major problem isn’t even the living together. About 2 years ago I bumped into my brother friends at the gym. I asked where he was, they said his girlfriend never lets him do anything anymore. We continued on, and they said that their girlfriends had told them that she was trying to get pregnant to keep him around, since he found out she cheated on him. I begged them to tell him, but they would not. Long story short, I ended up telling him. Things have not been the same since. They won’t even come to family get-togethers if I am there. She has said the most vulgar, vile things I have ever heard about me, my mother, and other folks. No one has told them to stop coming to things if those are the words, and actions they choose to use. Anyhow, I have tried to apologize for any trouble I might have caused, but she refuses to talk to me. I am not sorry for warning my brother, only for the trouble I have caused. I want my family to get along. What should I do?
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Pray for them without ceasing. Try a novena. Also, you can send them a gift with a blessed scapular or miraculous medal hidden inside it. For instance, frame an old picture of the family and hide a medal in between the picture and cardboard. Or you can even frame up a nice picture of the couple.

Just be glad that they are not married. You can pray that she be cast out of his life. If that is within God’s will, your prayer will be answered. The atheist woman will become uncomfortable with a blessed item present in the home (even though she doesn’t know it is there) and she will leave (or they will move :-))
 
You’ve already done all you can. If he wants to hold a grudge, you can’t stop him.

Give it time; it’s a great healer of wounds (and wounder of heels).
 
Your brother is an adult, and as such is responsible for his decisions.

I would bet a whole lot that if he didnt know she had cheated on him, he strongly suspected it. He is making a choice. It is obviously wrongheaded, but who of us hasn’t done the same? It is called sin.

Pray for him. Let it go, and if you can be friendly with him, do so. If you can’t, let him know that you love him and care for what happens to him in this relationship, and that he will always be your brother, then let go. It isn’t going to be easy, but it will eventually become tollerable, if you keep perspective and focus on those things you do have control over - your choices.
 
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juliegh23:
My brother and I were raised Baptist. His girlfriend raised LDS or Mormon. I think he stil believes what he was taught, she is now atheist. We use to be really close. They have been dating for 4 years now. They have 2 dogs 1 cat and a house together. The major problem isn’t even the living together. About 2 years ago I bumped into my brother friends at the gym. I asked where he was, they said his girlfriend never lets him do anything anymore. We continued on, and they said that their girlfriends had told them that she was trying to get pregnant to keep him around, since he found out she cheated on him. I begged them to tell him, but they would not. Long story short, I ended up telling him. Things have not been the same since. They won’t even come to family get-togethers if I am there. She has said the most vulgar, vile things I have ever heard about me, my mother, and other folks. No one has told them to stop coming to things if those are the words, and actions they choose to use. Anyhow, I have tried to apologize for any trouble I might have caused, but she refuses to talk to me. I am not sorry for warning my brother, only for the trouble I have caused. I want my family to get along. What should I do?
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YOU did the right thing. PRAY the DAILY ROSARY for that possibly possessed woman.
 
Thank you all for each of your answers. I know now that I am just going to have to let go. The holidays have only escalated the situation. We bought each of them a Christmas present, and my brother a birthday present. Since I am not allowed in their home I sat in the car while my mother broght them their presents. Some how they say they couldn’t find the girlfriends and have called several times wanting to know where it is. Considering I usually never get a phone cal from him at all, this was kinda the sign I needed to know it was time to let go of the situation and realize I can do nothing more than offer this situation to GOD. Again thankyou all for your support, and if you could each pray too, it would mean the world.
 
Yes, “let go and let God”. Also, try to keep the lines of communication open by remembering special occasions with a card. Eventually your brother will soften and may also see the mess he is making with his life and come to you. That is, if you’ve kept that line open. My prayers are with you. God bless~
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juliegh23:
Thank you all for each of your answers. I know now that I am just going to have to let go. The holidays have only escalated the situation. We bought each of them a Christmas present, and my brother a birthday present. Since I am not allowed in their home I sat in the car while my mother broght them their presents. Some how they say they couldn’t find the girlfriends and have called several times wanting to know where it is. Considering I usually never get a phone cal from him at all, this was kinda the sign I needed to know it was time to let go of the situation and realize I can do nothing more than offer this situation to GOD. Again thankyou all for your support, and if you could each pray too, it would mean the world.
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