Help Needed Desperately

[NoFear]

Hi. I am 24. Still live at home.

A few years ago I spoke sexually with a lot of people online. I don’t believe in pre-marital sex and felt it was a safe way to explore that without any consequences.
Boy was I wrong.

Some Indian guy(who lives in my country, Australia), who looked very big and scary sent me his pic, and mentioned things I had said only in private conversations with my sister and friend online. He must have hacked my comp somehow and gotten info on various things about me. Most likely even my real full name and address etc…

Now, I told this person a lie to get them out of my life. I didn’t feel proud of it, but I felt that it was the safest thing to do. I was just having fun with a stranger, they seemed to want more. I Told them that I don’t believe in pre-marital sex and they told me that it was too hard to abstain from sex and even mentioned that if a woman was raped, it didn’t mean she was no longer a virgin.I don’t know if they meant it as a threat or not, but it was extremely scary.

I then told them I was someone different to who they spoke to, told them my fiance was a cop and that the person they spoke too was a fictitious friend of mine who took off OS.(All lies).
I’ve never really gotten any threatening emails or anything, in fact this person said not to say hello to him if I ever see him on the street as he doesn’t wish to be reminded of that time.

But now, about 3 years on, I have never gotten over the shock of it.

I’ve been to Confession, but some part of me still thinks “This person knows my name. How can I be a singer now? How do I know he still isn’t hacking my comp etc…”? Plus I may have to move to the town where this person was from and some part of me thinks if they know I am there somehow they will want to hurt me. They may have forgotten completely about me for all I know, I just don’t know.

There’s no real reason to see the police or anyone because a lot of this could just be in my head but I worry so much what my family would say if they knew, what could happen etc and I have been surviving all this time just trusting in God, that the past is the past, I’m sorry, and that He will defend my family against everything and everyone bad.

So, my question is, if I just trust in God to protect me and mine, and never do that sort of thing again, will it all be ok? Because some Catholics have told me that it may not be ok. It has been 3 years I think and nothing has happened but I still feel much shame and fear. Every time I see an Indian person I think they are spying on me or something and it’s really affecting me.

Other times I just give it all to God and I am fine.

So, is there any way I can purge myself of this fear once and for all?

I’ve been ill and don’t get to Mass/Confession much now. I just feel like my life is halted from mistakes I made so long ago. I’m afraid to move up in my career or move to that town etc…and I just don’t know if this is all in my head or what. It most likely is but one priest told me it’s forgotten, and another said to deal with it IF something bad happens and not worry but I can’t help it. I just can’t.

Is there a Novena/Prayer/Bible Passage that will definitely, without a doubt, help me? I don’t know what to do I am afraid to move on and am always worried someone is watching and waiting to get me.

Then God says Trust Him and I want to, but others say it doesn’t always work.
Not sure what to do please help. God Bless you.

 

[Tom]

O.K. first of all, chances are really good this guy has moved on and has no recollection of you. If it’s been 3 years and you haven’t heard from him, don’t expect to. He’s moved on to easier prey. You don’t even know if the picture was really him or some little wimp that was trying to scare you, do you? Don’t worry, but learn from your mistake, it’s dangerous to play on the ‘puter.

NoFear:

But now, about 3 years on, I have never gotten over the shock of it.

Well, get over it.

NoFear:

They may have forgotten completely about me for all I know, I just don’t know.

Trust me, he’s forgotten all about you.

NoFear:

So, my question is, if I just trust in God to protect me and mine, and never do that sort of thing again, will it all be ok?

Well, here is another question entirely. Your perception that God will protect you from earthly danger is not correct. God teaches us that the Spirit is what is important, not what is of this earth. God will protect your soul, if you let Him. Nothing can hurt your soul if you follow God. The problem is we as humans normally have our priorities backwards; we worry about our earthly life and neglect our eternal life.

NoFear:

So, is there any way I can purge myself of this fear once and for all?

Absolutely. Reverse your priorities. Put your faith first and earthly life a distant second. I have no fear of death. Sure I’d miss my wife and kids, but my fears are for my soul, my eternal life.

NoFear:

I’ve been ill and don’t get to Mass/Confession much now

Sorry you’ve been sick, I will pray for you, actually I already have, but, I will continue to.

NoFear:

It most likely is but one priest told me it’s forgotten, and another said to deal with it IF something bad happens and not worry but I can’t help it. I just can’t.

See above, worry about eternity, not earthly life.

 

[NoFear]

I know the SOul is more important, but aren’t we supposed to trust in God as our refuge and fortress? And didn’t He say if we trust in Him, we won’t be disappointed? That He will ask His Angels to guide us in all our ways?

I thin God can protect our Souls and our earthly bodies, and I know the Soul is more important but I do worry for the safety(physically) of myself and those around me. Surely God can know the fear humans have for their physical selves. He knows pain as He experienced it being Crucified etc…

The thing is one minute The Bible says to trust in God for everything with Faith, yet then others tell me God may not protect your physical self.

I worry more for my family and how they’d react if something were to happen to me than I do for myself. I’ve asked God to even let me die if it will save my family any pain/anguish over this situation.
AM willing to give up my life so they will be safe and happy.

I guess I just don’t get how one minute we’re chastised for doubting God can do ANYTHING, then we are expected to just focus on our spiritual selves and not worry about our earthly bodies.

Is it so wrong to want Spiritual and Physical protection? I thought it said He would protect us if we asked Him to?

I am not sure what to believe really…

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

There’s nothing wrong with wanting spiritual and physical protection. And there’s nothing wrong with asking the Lord for it. Or asking your Guardian Angel to protect you. But our physical well-being while a really nice perk, should not be our ultimate goal (like salvation should). And I don’t understand it all that well myself, but I do know that at least partially because of original sin and the free will of other people, God does not always protect us from being harmed by others. He does not always grant us every thing we ask for. But he is concerned with our ultimate well-being. If we are harmed physically, we can still go to heaven, and gain eternal happiness. So I guess, if you’re doing what you can through actions and supplication to protect yourself physically, you shouldn’t have an all consuming fear.

Probably the prayer for spiritual protection is most appropriate. Pray to be delivered from fear, and to be able to set your eyes on what God wants you to. Pray for His Will in your life, and for your acceptance of that. He can protect you from having fear, and he can transform you into a saint.

Speaking of doing what you can to protect yourself, if you move, won’t that help? Even if you live closer to him, you’ll have a different address than the one he might know about. And 3 years is a long time. It’s likely that he’s forgotten all about your encounter, but aren’t there other internet providers or ways to get a different email (if you haven’t already), to make yourself unrecognizable as the same person as before to this person?

God Bless.

 

[Happy2bcatholic]

Hello,

I hope this helps. I really feel that the Holy Family can be really helpful. Just walk on their path. I mean like pray the 7 sorrows of Mary or the 7 sorrows and joys of St. Joseph or the 5 sorrows of St. Ann. Its short and I think extremely helpful. I would pick a saint gauged on your own childhood relationships. Who protected you the most or who did you have the closest relationship with growing up? Or think of St. Joseph as your guardian because of your present situation. If you were closest to your Mom when growning up, then pick Mary. Your Dad, pick St. Joseph. Your grandma, pick St. Ann, etc. Again I find these prayers to be very helpful and edifying and when you contemplate what they would do in your circumstance or what you would have done in theirs it is so inciteful and helpful. The 7 sorrows of Mary are prayed as follows: say 1 hail Mary after each sorrow, totalling 7 Hail Mary’s upon completion.
1st sorrow: Prophecy of Simeon
2nd sorrow: flight into Egypt (if you move it will be sort of like a flight into Egypt)
3rd sorrow: loss of child Jesus in temple (you are trying to find peace and Mary and Joseph looked anxiously for Jesus)
4th sorrow: meeting of Jesus and Mary on way of cross - you can do this daily through prayer and going to Mass or whatever you are able
5th sorrow: crucifixion - we are to be crucified with Christ in our daily tribulations and sickness offered up
6th sorrow: taking down of the dead body of Jesus and laying in His mother’s arms (contemplate how Mary, His mother and Our Mother must have felt) I tell you after praying the sorrows of Mary for several months, in the middle of a crisis, after mass and Rosary, I looked up at the statue of Mary and I really thought I heard her say to me “I AM YOUR MOTHER” which I knew IMMEDIATELY translated to that ALL was going to be ok and it was. I have a mother who cares for me and so do you. Get to know her if you haven’t already
7th sorrow: burial of Jesus
there are promises attached to saying this. You can look them up on the web, same goes for sorrows and joys of St. Joseph and 5 sorrows of St. Ann. I really enjoy saying these and contemplating the lives of the Holy Family. I feel closer to them and feel like I AM A MEMBER OF THEIR FAMILY. I don’t do the sorrows of Jesus in the same way because the Rosary and chaplet of divine mercy cover that. I can really relate to Mary because I was very close to my Mom as a kid. A friend likes to pray to St. Ann because she was closest to her grandma growing up. You get the idea. I hope this helps. I really think this is a beautiful prayer. ALso pray to your guardian angel and maybe contemplate what your angel goes through to establish a relationship with them. I haven’t done this, just thought of it now but it couldn’t hurt. But I DO know that by getting to know the Holy Family I realize that when others let me down I have a REAL family! And I am a member of it and I can COUNT on THEM. And its great! ANd it gives me more confidence and happiness. Try it you’ll like it.

 

[mjdonnelly]

Continue to talk to your priest, or ask him about a counselor to talk to.

If emails were sent to you and you saved them, keep them on file. Just in case.

This person may have gotten the information from your friend’s computer, someone who knows you and her who was playing a joke, or something along those lines. Try to put it behind you, but like everything else in life, be cautious. People who take self defense classes are not doing so because they are afraid all the time, it is for the ‘just in case’ times.

Continually pray, just remember, God may not answer in the way you think best. It will be the way He thinks best.

 

[NoFear]

Thankyou. I guess I just don’t understand why I keep going back to this. I can be reasonably ok for months then one day be overcome with crippling fear.

I will Pray the fear goes away and that it’s all good and nothing to worry about.

Will look up the Seven Sorrows. Thankyou very much I Pray that I can get oer this it always seems to come back on me.

In Jesus’ Name I pray. Thankyou all God Bless You.

 

[BobCatholic]

NoFear:

How can I be a singer now? How do I know he still isn’t hacking my comp etc…"?

Download a free firewall program from ZoneAlarm. www.zonelabs.com that’ll prevent him from “hacking your computer” That is, if he WAS doing that. I doubt it, though. He could have simply saved a text log of your conversations. It is not that hard and would not require him to “hack” your computer.

Plus I may have to move to the town where this person was from and some part of me thinks if they know I am there somehow they will want to hurt me.

I can’t tell - did you send this guy your picture? If not, then he doesn’t know what you look like.

So, my question is, if I just trust in God to protect me and mine, and never do that sort of thing again, will it all be ok?

Yes. Go to confession, confess, do penance and repent. You’ll be fine in God’s eyes about this.

Because some Catholics have told me that it may not be ok. It has been 3 years I think and nothing has happened but I still feel much shame and fear. Every time I see an Indian person I think they are spying on me or something and it’s really affecting me.

Trust God. If He has forgiven you (and He has, if you confessed) then you have 100% permission to forgive yourself.

So, is there any way I can purge myself of this fear once and for all?

Ask God for help for carrying this cross.

I just feel like my life is halted from mistakes I made so long ago.

Don’t feel that way. You made a mistake and now it is time to move on.

Then God says Trust Him and I want to, but others say it doesn’t always work.

Trust God. He works wonders, IF YOU ALLOW HIM TO.

The choice is clear. May the Lord shine His light on you always.

 

[pittsburghjeff]

Just a few thoughts:

1. God has forgiven you. We have all made mistakes and have shadows in our pasts, some of us a lot worse than the one you describe. There is no reason to let a mistake three years ago affect your life now. You need to accept God’s forgiveness and move on. I don’t think it is going to affect you being a singer. There are a lot of stars out there that have done a whole lot worse things in their past than you and it hasn’t affected them negatively.

Sinning on the internet is easy to fall into because it doesn’t seem real. It seems it is just you and the computer. But as you found out there are some real consequencest.

1. With regards to safety, just use the ordinary precautions that you would use anyway. All women need to take simple steps to protect themselves from assaults, but they need not be prisoners of fear. Be careful in remote places alone. Always tell someone where you are going. Be careful about partying and drinking. Don’t wear headphones if jogging alone, etc.
2. If this guy or anyone else does start harassing you, there is a crime that is called “cyberstalking” that is against the law in most areas.

 

[Happy2bcatholic]

Hi again,

I remember a retreat master saying that God answers prayers with one of 3 responses: yes, not now, or I have something better for you. All in God’s time not ours.

 

[NoFear]

Hi.
Well I am pretty sure I was hacked, this person said that as he worked for a very large software company or something that they could check people’s P.C’s because it was a security feature for them.
Plus, he knew I played softball-something that I never told anyone online nor was there any documentation of it on my comp. So he may have gotten my real name, typed it in google and seen I played for a certain team in my town.

I also did give out my appearance details aswell as other personal details as I never thought anything bad could come of it. I have learnt my lesson.

It’s amazing how many people DO cyber and think they are safe. I think it would be rare for you to come across someone like this that can actually fidn out who you are but it CAN happen so I really urge all of you to maybe share this experience with others to warn them.

I will continue to trust in God, and everytime I feel fear or guilt I will just remember that God CAN make it the past and not let it hurt me and try and remember that.

Satan really is getting to me with all this fear and guilt and I really need to stop it. I will try so hard to just forget about it when it overcomes me and move on with my life.

In Jesus’ name I Pray.

God Bless You all