Help needed discipling youth!

[4Jesus]

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ, I am so thankful for this way to commune with the Body of Christ. Thank you Jesus!
An area of real inner turmoil for me is trying to raise kids protected from the evils of our culture. especially from the media. We have 6 children we have homeschooled from birth now ages 12 to 26. This has been a blessing in many ways but the real problem started 5 years ago when my husband had some difficulties with some members of the Christian Commnity we were very involved with and he has pulled back from church relationships and become more used to just sitting around at home watching T.V. For awile I would go alone to church or with the kids. He kept going on Sundays but we used to be at church mass and bible studies nearly every day.
Needless to say this had an effect on the children who did not understand why we dropped out. Myself and 2 daughters kept going but the sons as common sense would show folled their fathers modeling and lost interest in church. The 3 oldest have moved out and left at home is the 12 year old daughter and her older brothers aged `16 and 17. The real question for me now is how much influence or force to exert. We somestimes make them go to daily mass . And I wonder if this is appropriate for the age level. Also the boys have cut ties wtih the youth group they used to be involved with which had been a blessing as we knew their friends and friends’ families. Now I do not always know who they are with. The 17 teen year old has had alot of girls calling him. Times have changed! He was supposed to go out with a girl tonight and I said no because he did not finish his work but in my mind it was also because I did not like the idea of my son going with a girl I’d never even met. He did not even know what her religion was when I asked him. My husband feels that I am too controlling and I know I need to give him more freedom. He became so loud and emphatic bout this really argumentative that the kids asked what the argument was. which of course does not help them to respect us . If I say this to my husband or suggest a counselor he gets upset with me. But is also breaks my heart because this is the son who used to want to be a priest. Now I feel they’ve become too influeced by the media. Seems most times the T>V goes on at 6 pm and stays on till late 11 ora so. so they are taking in seinfeld, Simpson, King of the HIll,etc I’m not sure what all I rarely watch T. V I’d be happy to be rid of it but my husband seems to want to kep it at least now. He is suggesting a monitoring of it but the ony thng that has ever worked for us is to be rid of it. Am I being judgmental like dh says? Does anyone have suggestions to help direct kids relationships? Thanks, 4Jesus

 

[Mom_of_5]

I’ve raised a lot of children. Each are special and have their own personalities, react differently to the same situation. I have a few comments that I hope are helpful

Daily Mass is too much to expect of any teenager unless they go to a Catholic school and sing in the choir, as I did. Going to extremes is not a good thing. Mabe your children are “churched out”.

When my second son told me that he wanted to try “other” churches, I gasped!! I gathered my composure and then we talked about it. We came to the decision that he could go to “other” churches on Sunday, but only after he went to Mass, and he had to go to youth group once a week. This only lasted about six months. He came to the conclusion that he was Catholic at heart and stopped his experimentation. He was 17 when all of this took place. I would sit and listen to him tell me about the “other” churches, what he liked, what he didn’t. Now he is 37, has 5 children, has had the youth group in his parish for 7 years, leads the youth choir and canters at the early Mass every Sunday.

On the other hand, my oldest son just went along with me to church, didn’t question his faith (out loud) as his brother did. Now, he has three children, does not go to church, does pray with his children, but disagrees with oraganized religion and not 100% sure that christianity is the right road.

I raised all my 5 children the same. Encouraged them to pray, attend Mass and above all, “Love one another”. They all pray, and all are good loving citizens, parents, etc. Sometimes as mothers we want our children to be perfect in every way. We tend to live through them. They need lots of love, to be guided with an iron fist in a velvet glove. We need to always be there to listen, watch, help, but we cannot run their lives or make their decisions. Just as we made our own and maybe rebelled against our parents a bit?

Hope this is food for thought.

With love and peace to you and your family,

Mom of 5

 

[jusher7281]

4Jesus,

Pray for your kids and talk to them about what’s out there. You can’t keep them from being exposed to the media and the world in general, but you should warn them about it. The goal of parenting is to prepare our children for the world, not to keep them isolated from it. They will one day be out there, and your best shot at keeping your sanity when that happens, is to teach them what to look out for while they’re still living with you.

It sounds like your husband is letting other people determine the quality of his relationship with God. One thing is clear, sitting around watching TV isn’t going to solve anything. It is his responsibility to provide for his children’s spiritual upbringing. You can help, but he will be held accountable to God for it. There may be no easy way to make him understand that, but he needs to know it. Pray that God will move him to reassert himself as the spiritual head of the family.

Don’t force your children to go to Mass daily. Explain to them why they should go on Sundays, but don’t push the issue. You may just drive them away from the Church altogether if you do. Also, you should talk to them about what happened to cause their father to stop going as much, or at all.

If you’re not sure where your kids are - ask them! They may be indignant at the questioning, but in their hearts, they will know it’s because you love them.

Your 17-year-old needs to know that while he’s living in your house, he lives by YOUR rules. If he wants to make all his own decisions, he can do that when he moves out, but in the meantime, you’re in charge. As for the girls, as a father of a 16-year-old boy, I know that can be very hard. We don’t even let our son go to a girl’s house unless we have met her parents first. Then, we grill him all the time about what they do together. I don’t care if it hurts his feelings, because I know, and he knows, it’s for his own good. I tell him that he isn’t mature enough to always make the right decisions and he needs us to keep him in check. I remember how I was at 16 and I’ll do whatever it takes to keep him from making the same mistakes I made.

If you love your children, which you clearly do, you need to be controlling. Don’t smother them, but you should know exactly who they’re with, what they’re doing and where they are – at all times. And under no circumstances should you argue in front of your children. I don’t mean minor disagreements. I’m talking about heated arguments, especially when it comes to how to deal with your children. If necessary, take a walk or a drive and go someplace where they can’t hear you.

You and your husband need to agree on the ground rules for things like TV, phone calls, computer usage, when and where the kids are, etc. This is paramount. If you aren’t unified on these things (which are all very important to the kids), you will never get anywhere. The kids will continue to disrespect you and will only play one parent against the other. Even if the two of you disagree on the terms, it’s better to compromise in order to show solidarity to the children.

I hope this is helpful. The most important thing you can do is pray for and with your husband and children. God WILL give you the grace necessary to overcome these difficulties if you trust in Him for wisdom and patience.

JU