Help, please, to advise someone whose spouse is losing hearing

[Annie]

I know a couple, one of whom is going deaf. The other spouse is having a hard time handling the situation in a good way. I am wondering if there is a person who can help in the same way that there is a person who comes and helps people who are going blind? And what would this person be called, so I can look one up for this couple which is having trouble?

Thanks so much!

 

[stuartbrianhenlis]

Hi Annie!

Specifically, what kind of help are you asking about?

 

[BartholomewB]

I know a couple, one of whom is going deaf. The other spouse is having a hard time handling the situation in a good way.

There are degrees of deafness. I’ve been losing my hearing, gradually, for some years now. I no longer own a telephone, for example, because I had virtually stopped using it. People can call me on my wife’s phone, if they really want to talk to me, and if I can’t make out what they’re saying I can hand it to my wife to “translate” for me. On the whole, these days, I prefer to communicate in writing.

I can still manage face to face conversation, as long as people take the trouble to speak clearly and facing me. If they’re facing away from me, or mumbling, then a lot of the time I just hear the sound of their voices without being able to make out the words.

I’ve never heard of any kind of assistance that I could call in, and I don’t really understand what use that might be.

 

[Annie]

They need understanding of how to improve their interactions. Jane doesn’t understand, for example, that she speaks more loudly sometimes, which causes Joe to feel yelled at. Joe, otoh, doesn’t understand that getting Jane’s attention by waving a hand works better than by calling to her.

I think too that neither understands things like Jane not always being able to hear herself, causing some difficulty in speaking clearly, and that Jane is less able to hear some frequencies than others.

I recall hearing that when people were going blind, someone would train them in how to be blind, like how to arrange their clothes so as not to dress in purple and yellow socks, iyswim, and how to use a cane.

I thought there might be someone similar for hard-of-hearing people, who could come over and see what the problems are and offer strategies to smooth things out.

 

[Annie]

Thank you, Batholemew. I think too that neither finds it easy to discuss their experiences with each oother. So Joe can’t say, I feel ignored when you don’t respond, so he doesn’t find out that Jane would prefer a visual cue.

This is why I thought a kind of teacher would help them.

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

That sounds like couples counseling.
I do think there are deaf associations–they might want to reach out to them to learn about alternate forms of communication.
Are there other things going on like age-related changes or dementia or loss of mobility that might be adding to their overall stress

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

They need understanding of how to improve their interactions. Jane doesn’t understand, for example, that she speaks more loudly sometimes, which causes Joe to feel yelled at. Joe, otoh, doesn’t understand that getting Jane’s attention by waving a hand works better than by calling to her.

I think too that neither understands things like Jane not always being able to hear herself, causing some difficulty in speaking clearly, and that Jane is less able to hear some frequencies than others.

I recall hearing that when people were going blind, someone would train them in how to be blind, like how to arrange their clothes so as not to dress in purple and yellow socks, iyswim, and how to use a cane.

I thought there might be someone similar for hard-of-hearing people, who could come over and see what the problems are and offer strategies to smooth things out.

Yeah…this is really a couples issue.

All the techniques in the world are not going to help if the couple is always at odds.

The reason that there is less emphasis on when a person goes deaf is because there IS a Deaf (capital D) culture whereas there isn’t really a blind culture. Blind people tend to see their blindness as a disability whereas Deaf Culture sees it as normative and NOT a disability.

 

[Annie]

Thanks to both of you for your replies.

The problems are really related to the hearing problem, they’ve been married over 50 years. They are just having trouble navigating this one thing.

Xantippe, I know what you mean about the deaf and the Deaf; I used to know some Deaf people. However, older adults who become hard-of-hearing or even deaf are not always able to join in the deaf community. They are kind of caught outside two worlds, no longer able to use spoken English well, but unable to sign.

Thanks again

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Thanks to both of you for your replies.

The problems are really related to the hearing problem, they’ve been married over 50 years. They are just having trouble navigating this one thing.

Xantippe, I know what you mean about the deaf and the Deaf; I used to know some Deaf people. However, older adults who become hard-of-hearing or even deaf are not always able to join in the deaf community. They are kind of caught outside two worlds, no longer able to use spoken English well, but unable to sign.

Thanks again

Yep. But that’s one of the reasons there is much less guidance for the HOH crowd than there is for those going blind. The blind community seems to have a vested interest in helping all those with sight disabilties but the Deaf community feels no such obligation.