help please!

[coralewis]

I am legally married and we have a problem…my mother wants to run (ruin) everything! She is trying to pick our ‘wedding’ date, make me go back to her house which I Do Not ever want to go back to, and even choose our last name. Please tell me I am not the only one who thinks this is ridiculous. She cannot tell us how to act if she is having an affair which she said she would stop…Prayers are greatly needed!

Thanks,

coralewis

 

[Lance]

How old are you? Were you married in the Church? We need a little more info before giving you any advice.

 

[coralewis]

I am old enough that I do not need to listen to her and yes I am married in the Church.

 

[Shiann]

coralewis:

I am legally married and we have a problem…my mother wants to run (ruin) everything! She is trying to pick our ‘wedding’ date, make me go back to her house which I Do Not ever want to go back to, and even choose our last name. Please tell me I am not the only one who thinks this is ridiculous. She cannot tell us how to act if she is having an affair which she said she would stop…Prayers are greatly needed!

Thanks,

coralewis

If you are already married in the church, why is your “wedding date” so important? Let her pick a date, it is a moot point if you are already married.

She wants to choose your last name? This is also a moot point as you take on the name of your husband.

If she is providing you and your spouse with any support because you are not fully independent, she may think she has the right to make demands of you and your spouse (however illogical they may be). To help this, you need to be fully independent, and take the ‘power’ away.

Always respect your mother. Period. But you are a married woman and need to make your own life with your husband. Be kind to her and call her. But kindly tell her that you are independent and married now, and that she can make suggestions and you will take them under consideration- with your husband. (You need not bring in any of her indiscretions- that’s just mean, and it doesn’t do anything to help the situation.)

Prayers are heading your way.

Shiann

 

[Lance]

coralewis:

I am old enough that I do not need to listen to her and yes I am married in the Church.

Not much of an answer. At 15 my own daugters sometimes thought they were old enough not to have to listen to me. Unless you are at least 18 you should listen to your mom, but from your reply it seems you only want to hear form someone who is going to tell you that you are right, not what is right. So if you are not going to listen to advice why did you make this post?

 

[Sheen]

You need to sit down and have a mother-daughter heart-to-heart.

Tell Mom you love her dearly and appreciate that her motives are – in her view – for your own good, but you are an adult now and must make your own decisions. And tell her that she must return the respect you have for her and respect your decisions and your right to make them.

Mom needs to know you love her and appreciate what a great job she did in raising you to be the woman you are today. Let her know how happy you are in your marriage, which is blessed by God through His Church, and that you intend to stay married to Luke and hopefully bear children whom you can raise to know and love our Lord and His Church.

And lastly, you must let her know how hurt you are by what she is doing, and you want – above all things – to maintain a loving relationship with her, but this requires her backing off and allowing you to follow the path you have chosen for yourself.

God bless you and may He bring healing to your relationship with your mother.

 

[coralewis]

Thank you for your help Sheen and your prayers Shiann! Lance, I am over 18.

 

[Lance]

coralewis:

Thank you for your help Sheen and your prayers Shiann! Lance, I am over 18.

Then I totally agree with Sheen and Shiann. Take it from someone who knows, if you do not maintain a loving relationship with your mom you will live to regret it. I will pray for you and your family.

 

[dhgray]

coralewis:

I am legally married and we have a problem…my mother wants to run (ruin) everything! She is trying to pick our ‘wedding’ date, make me go back to her house which I Do Not ever want to go back to, and even choose our last name. Please tell me I am not the only one who thinks this is ridiculous. She cannot tell us how to act if she is having an affair which she said she would stop…Prayers are greatly needed!

Thanks,

coralewis

1. If you are legally married that why is you mom picking your wedding date if you are already married.
2. If it’s the fact that you want a Church wedding, then who is paying for it?
3. Why does she want you to move in to her house? Are you having financial trouble … is she?
4. Did you not pick up your husband’s name…if so, why not?
5. You are trying to displace your failings and your disrespect and contentment by pointing out others faults.
6. You never told us how old you are, I’d say between 19 and 25. Maybe she is treating you and your husband like a child is because you are acting like a child (read your responses to other posting on this thread).

How does your husband feel about all of this?

 

[Mary_s_Lamb]

There was a romantic comedy on TV this summer called “Love Rules”. It was about a couple that gets engaged. They just want a simple wedding. Then they are surprised to find out that not just mom but everyone else wants to run their wedding. Even though I laughed through it, it also made me angry. Because while planning my own wedding, my mother in law was horrible and manipulative.

The moral of the movie was that getting married is not a solitary affair. It’s the beginning of redefining relationships that will continue to affect you for your whole married life. Various relatives will compete for positions of power. So even if you don’t get the wedding you want, in the end all that matters is that you love each other.