Help! Sister will not speak with my brother who left his wife. How to get sister / brother to reconcile?

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chill361

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My brother left his wife for another woman and had a child with her and remains unmarried. My sister, who lost her husband to an adulterer will not speak with my brother. This is causing immense stress and sadness on the family as they will not both be present at family get togethers. What does the church recommend on how the family should address my brother? Is there a way to bring reconciliation between my brother and sister?
 
I don’t know how recently any of these things happened, but maybe you need to just leave it alone for a bit.

You can’t blame your sister for feeling the way she does. I am sure she is reliving betrayal all over again.

As for your brother, he knows what he did is wrong. He doesn’t care.

Why is it so important to get people together that don’t want to be together?
 
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Simply continue to invite the both of them to family get-togethers. Tell them both that you are inviting all the family, including their sibling who they have differences with, and that it is their own choice whether to attend or not, but that you’re not going to get in the middle of them complaining about the other’s presence.

If they still don’t want to get past this and act like adults, which would mean being polite to each other at the event and perhaps keeping a distance and talking to other attendees if they don’t get along, then it’s their choice to continue this babyish behavior. I don’t think you need to do anything about it and frankly I would ignore it and just leave it to them to get over it, if they ever do.
 
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Just keep acting as you always did-to both of them! Did your brother ask your permission, before leaving his wife? Did your sister ask your permission before deciding to nurse this grudge? (I’m assuming they didn’t).

So, neither has the right to tell you what to do! Take care of yourself. God Bless!
 
chill361 said:
My brother left his wife for another woman and had a child with her and remains unmarried. My sister, who lost her husband to an adulterer will not speak with my brother. This is causing immense stress and sadness on the family as they will not both be present at family get togethers. What does the church recommend on how the family should address my brother? Is there a way to bring reconciliation between my brother and sister?
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Welcome to CAF, @chill361. I’m sorry that your family is currently split, and will pray for you and them. You might gain insight, courage, hope, and solace through group prayer. I invite you to participate in the Prayer Intentions Forum or the thread, “Let’s Pray a Perpetual Rosary,” in the Spirituality Forum.

Sometimes, even though we want desperately to manipulate those we love as though they are chess pieces, so that all ends well, we must back off and let them resolve their own issues. It’s difficult, extremely difficult, but the changes must come from within them. No orchestrating on anyone’s part can solve their problems. I join you in praying that they’ll be able to soften their hearts and work to restore family harmony. Best wishes to all of you.
 
Welcome to CAF, chill361. So glad you were able to find us here. I’m very saddened by what you’re going through, especially because I have had a somewhat similar situation in my family. I know it can break one’s heart when things like this happen - on so many levels. I agree wholeheartedly with Minks. I’ve found lots of prayers and gently speaking of my feelings to those involved to be very, very effective. St. Monica is an amazing intercessor in situations like this in a family, and I’ve pleaded for her assistance so many times. Our Blessed Mother has also calmed my soul and helped in many ways - repeatedly. The hardest part for me was trying to stay calm during and after gently explaining my sadness to those involved, and God helps with that when I put it in His loving hands. I found I couldn’t keep harping on the issue but have to let our Lord do His work in His time frame, not mine. Please take care, and may He bless you always.
 
Prayer, patience and love for all involved. Don’t push either of them or you risk being alienated from them.
 
Love them both. Blessed are the peacemakers. Don’t take sides. Be peaceful to both of them.
 
Thanks so much for responding. Them refusing to be at the same place breaks my parent’s hearts adn makes it difficult when setting up family events as someone will be left out. I also think of Matthew 5:23-24 and are concerned for them holding onto negative things and not forgiving each other. Thanks again.
 
Thank you for you help. My family has tried that and will continue to love on them but it upsets my parents as my sister will state her and her daughter will not come to any family events if my brother brings his girlfriend / son. Not easy. Your advice is good and I will continue to pray.
 
Thank you. Prayer is always where we should start. I sometimes forget or put pride first. I will check out the group prayer forums.
 
Somebody has to say it: Based on what you have stated, your brother is in the wrong and needs to repent and do right by the wife he shafted.
 
True. But think…

Is the OP called to do anything about this? I haven’t seen anything that would suggest it is so.

Remember, there is a child involved. Is it right to keep the child from knowing his relatives? After all, he is completely innocent in this matter.

Also, we don’t know the whole story about either of these marriages. Maybe one, or both, were contracted without full consent? I don’t want to judge, and agree, it doesn’t look good. But, we just don’t know, and, most likely, neither does the OP.

We never fail when following the example of Jesus himself. He associated with corrupt tax collectors, prostitutes, and, I assume all sorts of sinners. The only people he was harsh with were those who were overly legalistic, preached false doctrine, and used the temple and it’s rules for financial gain. Those are the people he drove out of His father’s house. He never drove anyone who wanted to be with him, away from him. As he never sinned, himself, he was a wonderful example to people who were in the midst of sin. I can’t imagine anyone being able to sin in his presence, and, although not all became believers, I can’t imagine anyone who was not affected by his love and holiness. Even Judas tried to return the money he was paid for his betrayal.

I’m not qualified to preach a sermon, but I don’t think it’s right to make a decision about any of His creations, without following His example. Who knows? Bringing Jesus into the question. OP,…not by preaching, but by following His example, may help your brother and sister seek out Jesus’ examples, and hopefully, his will…for them to do the right thing!

Wishing the best for all of you, and God Bless!
 
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chill361 said:
I also think of Matthew 5:23-24 and are concerned for them holding onto negative things and not forgiving each other.
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I have seen that passage used multiple times recently. We have to be careful with private interpretations of that passage and use some common sense and what the Church teaches about other things, otherwise evil people can manipulate others with it. As an extreme example, consider a victim who takes out an order of protection against an aggressor doing him/her harm. The aggressor is upset that an order of protection is taken out against him/her, so technically, that person has something against the victim. Should the victim ask that the order of protection be lifted in order to show forgiveness and reconciliation? Obviously not. So please don’t be troubled by that verse. There are cases in which one person is clearly in the right and the other is clearly in the wrong; common sense would dictate that the person in the wrong should be the one to “leave the gift at the altar” and seek reconciliation with the person in the right.
 
Thanks so much for your responses. I am absorbing everything and will pray on it.
 
Honestly, I’d just leave it be. It’s your brother that is in the wrong and needs to make things right. I’m surprised he is still even being invited to family events, especially considering the trauma your sister went through.
 
As I see it, it isn’t his sister that this man ‘sinned’ against. It is his former(?) wife. And, as far as we know, she isn’t involved, as far as this family goes.

Yes, he has also, most likely, sinned against God. Let Him take care of this part of the problem. If this man, the brother, seeks absolution in the church, and it is his confessor’s job to help him make it right.

Meanwhile there is a child involved, who is totally innocent in the matter. It seems cruel to cut this Child away from his extended family.
 
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