Help with doubting teens

[maryconcepta]

My four teens come to mass with me every sunday. They know it is a house rule that for as long as they live under my roof ,regardless of their age, they come to mass. Lately they have been trying to get out of coming . They are 18 year old girl and 17,15,14., boys. They are close to each other and whatever one does the other follows. The last few sundays I noticed three of them not receive communion.It almost made me cry. When I tried to talk with them about it they were very teen… Not too much communication and a lot of" I don’t knows" and “I don’t want to” . I think this all began with my daughter (18) just before Christmas when she refused to go to confession( she just said she didn’t want to and plese don’ t make me. ) I have 8 year old and 4 year old boys also and am very worried about this example for them so young. I pray that the holy spirit will give me the right words to say to them when we speak but has anybody got any suggestions or know any good resources for talking to and inspiring teens .

 

[JimO]

maryconcepta:

I pray that the holy spirit will give me the right words to say to them when we speak but has anybody got any suggestions or know any good resources for talking to and inspiring teens .

My oldest are only 13, but I have seen my sister’s kids and other teens go through this. What teens often need is an “encounter with God”. To some degree we all do, but teens need this desperately in order to “connect.” It also helps them to have a connection with the Lord that is separate from their parents (with whom they might be rebelling - a natural part of becoming independent adults).

There are many retreat programs for teens that are effective in making that initial “connection”, but it needs to be orthodox and attractive to the teen. The Franciscan Friars of the Renewal (check their website) hold young adult retreats that are really good. You might consider sending your oldest daughter to one, even if she has to go halfway across the country for a long weekend. If she encounters Jesus and is changed, that could have a domino effect on your other kids.

We’ll pray for you.

 

[Scott_Waddell]

How much catechisis have they had?

I have heard fantastic things about Teens Encounter Christ (TEC). Several people we know decided to pursue priesthood afterwards.

Scott

 

[dhgray]

There is a Vatican approved Young Adult Catholic ministry in Canada called CFC-Youth for Christ. Check them out at: www.cfc.ca
http://www.cfc-canada.org/images/yfcbanner.jpg
CFC Youth for Christ aims to provide a Christian support environment for young teenagers between 13 to 21 years of age.

The program is oriented towards meeting the needs of our young people to belong, to be motivated, to be useful, to be good examples, to be Christian witnesses. It has put a premium on four characteristics: it is Fun ; it builds Friendships ; it enhances the Faith ; it allows the young Free , but responsible expression.

YFC is now established all over the Philippines as well as in cities and states of other countries around the world including Canada. It is in the community parishes, as well as in various high schools and universities.

Annually, for the last ten years, Youth for Christ gathers over 10,000 of its leaders all over the country and abroad in an International Leaders Conference during summer. This is a focal event in the life of YFC, a time to celebrate God’s goodness in the coming together of young brothers and sisters who love the Lord. The three-day weekend is highlighted by talks, creative and sports competitions, vibrant worship, wholesome entertainment, a Praise Parade, Praise Cruise and Praisefest.

YFC’s future is directed towards giving the youth a worthwhile cause to support as we seek to address, in our small way, the plight of the poor and the less privileged and the social and environmental issues that trample on the youth’s human dignity: abortion, drugs, fraternity violence, sexual immorality, corruption and even the rape of our natural resources.

This ministry is available in 122 countries (to include the USA)

 

[AmericanAtheist]

Why do you feel you need to force your beleifs on your children? Shouldnt you be secure enough in your faith to allow others find their own path? Granted, its your roof, but it is THEIR lives. Get over yourself and let your kids make their own decisions.

 

[shannon_e]

AmericanAtheist:

Why do you feel you need to force your beleifs on your children? Shouldnt you be secure enough in your faith to allow others find their own path? Granted, its your roof, but it is THEIR lives. Get over yourself and let your kids make their own decisions.

What a shame you view this thru such a constrictive lens.
Maybe some day you would actually like to discuss it rather than just try to start a fight.

Peace

 

[alyssa]

i’m 19, but I started along the same lines of yours at 15, so I’ll tell you what helped me, and if it fits their type of personality, you can try it. I started reading- I figured what I didn’t like, and read all I could about those things- I’m just now starting to get into “deep” stuff, but even lighter reading- like Hahn, conversion stories, etc, helped me a GREAT deal. What I needed was all the reason behind everything- to the “God loves you” but the answers to the why’s, all the thinking that has been done across the centuries. What also helped me were reading messageboards, websites, encyclicals (I know I spelled it wrong) and seeing there really were people trying to live their faith (I didn’t really know anyone who did where I could tell).

 

[Jeremy]

I agree with the catechesis comment. My best friend grew up Catholic but when he and his sister were young teens they simply refused to go anymore because they hated it. But it is clear when I talk to him that he has no idea what Christianity is.

 

[Fashina86]

Being a teen myself, I have found that providing intersting books and information, I can better believe what my parents have drilled into my head so many times. Sometimes, when I find something difficult to believe or accept, my mother presents a differnt angle to see the problem from. Don’t force them, merely, yet strongly, encourage them to pray and think about their faith. It is a journey for all, and we are all at differnt places and are developing at differnt rates. This is why it is so important that they need to attend Mass, but not to be completely and terribly hard on them for everything. Remember, be open for thier questions and get them onto the forum. They really can learn a lot and become more enthused about their faith.

God Bless–JMJ
Laura

 

[maryconcepta]

AmericanAtheist:

Why do you feel you need to force your beleifs on your children? Shouldnt you be secure enough in your faith to allow others find their own path? Granted, its your roof, but it is THEIR lives. Get over yourself and let your kids make their own decisions.

I decide what my kids eat( I do all the shopping and most of the cooking), I wouldn't allow them to smoke in the house because it affects others who live there , so why can't I decide they come to mass(their decision not to will affect their younger sibs faith formation).Until a child is totally independant isn't my job to instruct and guide them and not leave all decisions up to them( such as bedtime what food to eat ) Perhaps I do need to let them go a little and make their own mistakes but because of the younger kids I need them to be with us at Mass as a family.

 

[maryconcepta]

Jeremy:

I agree with the catechesis comment. My best friend grew up Catholic but when he and his sister were young teens they simply refused to go anymore because they hated it. But it is clear when I talk to him that he has no idea what Christianity is.

 My teens have been in Catholic school since early primary grades and they know much more about their faith than I do. I know the are aware of the richness of their faith and I am praying and hoping they are just being lazy rebelious teens at this time.   Thanks all for the suggestions of groups and goods reading material s I will give it a try.   God

Bless y’all

 

[turboEDvo]

Fashina86:

Being a teen myself, I have found that providing intersting books and information, I can better believe what my parents have drilled into my head so many times. Sometimes, when I find something difficult to believe or accept, my mother presents a differnt angle to see the problem from. Don’t force them, merely, yet strongly, encourage them to pray and think about their faith. It is a journey for all, and we are all at differnt places and are developing at differnt rates. This is why it is so important that they need to attend Mass, but not to be completely and terribly hard on them for everything. Remember, be open for thier questions and get them onto the forum. They really can learn a lot and become more enthused about their faith.

God Bless–JMJ
Laura

For sure. Don’t go part way on anything. It will be killer if you present them with the exceptions to the rules. Like the travel exemption, for example. Before you give them the gray area, they need to have a solid foundation in the essential teachings of the Church and show full respect and acceptance of them.

Eamon

 

[Ter]

maryconcepta:

My teens have been in Catholic school since early primary grades and they know much more about their faith than I do. I know the are aware of the richness of their faith

You should be aware that they might not know much, if any, about their faith despite that. I mean, I thought that my parents were very careful to make sure we knew our faith and we attended Catholic schools (we were very well prepared for Communion, Confession etc.) and yet I am constantly amazed at what my sister doesn’t know (and I remember Dad telling her all this stuff). She’s twenty now & restarted going to Mass in the last 6 months or so.

I always felt part of the reason I didn’t lose my faith as a teenager was because I read novelizations of Saints lives. The life of St. John Bosco or Dominic Savio might appeal to your boys. The life of Dominic Savio by Peter Lappin is aimed at children/young teenagers - I read it as a child & it had a huge impact on me.