Help With Non-Catholic Extended Family

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I converted to Catholicism this past year from a Fundamentalist/Evangelical family. Needless to say, my family is very upset with my decision. They haven’t disowned me, but it’s very clear that they are upset and do not approve of anything I’m doing in my life now, in regards to the Church. Of course, they refused to come to my Confirmation. My mother was going to go to support me, even though she didn’t approve of it, but ended up not coming at the last minute.

Well, this January we are having the children baptized. My mother is refusing to come, of course, and doesn’t even want me mentioning it to the rest of the family-especially my grandparents, because she said it would upset them too much. This really bothers me. My family talks about their church all the time, and all the things they’re involved with, so why is it that I’m not allowed to talk about my faith? I’m not trying to cause problems within the family, and I don’t talk about my faith just to upset them, but I think it’s completely unfair that I’m not even allowed to mention my Church or anything going on in my life, and yet they’re allowed to talk about theirs as much as the want. I love the Church and feel like I’m being unfaithful when I don’t talk about all the joy and peace it has brought me.

So, I guess I’m just looking for some advice on what to do in this situation. Any ideas? And thanks, everyone.

Scout :tiphat:
 
I say talk about your church. Maybe start out with some generalities like “We have a wonderful adult education program that I’m involved in.” or “I really love going to church every Sunday.” I mean, if they’re talking about all the friends they meet at church, you should too. Something maybe to kind of ease them in to talking about your church. Then as they feel more comfortable with you talking about it, you can add the specifically Catholic part.
 
Scout, first welcome home. I’m sorry to hear about your family’s rejection of your decision. Many protestant churches have distorted views of the Catholic Church, as I’m sure you know. Your family feels you’ve made a bad decision, but, that does not mean it was. They are of course wrong. Pray for them. Show them what a real Christian is like, be a shining example of Christian love in everything you do. Don’t get into petty arguments over differences, concentrate on the similarities. We have more in common, the love of our Lord; than we have differences, people just tend to blow the differences out of proportion. When you get insults, and I assure you, you will, turn the other cheek. Respond to hatred with love. Share your love for Jesus. Don’t put yourself on a guilt trip thinking you’re unfaithful for not defending the Church. God knows your heart… It will not be easy, but , just keep in mind, you made the right decision. I will keep you in my prayers.
 
When my husband and I converted to the faith 15 years ago, the majority of our family didn’t understand. We were/ are able to talk about our faith easier with our Lutheran family members then the agnostic ones. We’ve been able to clear up some misconceptions about the Catholic faith with the Lutherans but have had to be patient and show our faith through our actions with the agnostics. My mother and stepdad (who I love dearly) did not attend our children’s Baptisms- Confirmations, etc. Yet, just the past couple of years I have been able to talk a little more about my faith with them. They loved President Reagan and have a lot of respect for many of the conservative politicians and talk show hosts so that has opened a door for me to talk to them about their statements on faith and the culture wars. She also loves President Bush and I plan on giving her a wonderful biography on President Bush’ faith. Hopefully she will have some more questions for me after reading it. I know how hard it is to not be able to share the most important aspect of your life with your loved ones. God has been teaching me patience and perseverence these past 15 years and I am finally seeing some rays of hope. Hang in there and be prepared to give a reason for your beliefs and learn all you can about the faith, so you are able to explain it to them when the opportunity arises. Whatever you do, continue to love and respect them. Your quiet faith speaks volumes!! That’s why I have St. Francis’ quote as my signiture line: Preach the Gospel at all times, and if necessary, use words.God bless~
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Scout:
I converted to Catholicism this past year from a Fundamentalist/Evangelical family. Needless to say, my family is very upset with my decision. They haven’t disowned me, but it’s very clear that they are upset and do not approve of anything I’m doing in my life now, in regards to the Church. Of course, they refused to come to my Confirmation. My mother was going to go to support me, even though she didn’t approve of it, but ended up not coming at the last minute.

Well, this January we are having the children baptized. My mother is refusing to come, of course, and doesn’t even want me mentioning it to the rest of the family-especially my grandparents, because she said it would upset them too much. This really bothers me. My family talks about their church all the time, and all the things they’re involved with, so why is it that I’m not allowed to talk about my faith? I’m not trying to cause problems within the family, and I don’t talk about my faith just to upset them, but I think it’s completely unfair that I’m not even allowed to mention my Church or anything going on in my life, and yet they’re allowed to talk about theirs as much as the want. I love the Church and feel like I’m being unfaithful when I don’t talk about all the joy and peace it has brought me.

So, I guess I’m just looking for some advice on what to do in this situation. Any ideas? And thanks, everyone.

Scout :tiphat:
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Scout, I really am sorry your family is behaving in such an ugly manner. 😦 The only advice I can give you, is send invitations to your family about this baptism. I bet they will behave horribly and there will be an uproar, but guess what? YOU were the one behaving in a civil manner. Have that satisfaction.
 
Just a thought…if you don’t invite them, is it possible that some may think that you were trying to keep things hidden as a sort of trick? Of course, we are in a no win situation sometimes where people will assume the worst. God bless you!

peace in Christ,
Frank
 
GKB Protasius:
Just a thought…if you don’t invite them, is it possible that some may think that you were trying to keep things hidden as a sort of trick? Of course, we are in a no win situation sometimes where people will assume the worst. God bless you!

peace in Christ,
Frank
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Yes, it is a no-win situation. If I don’t invite them, that’s exactly what they would say. If I do invite them, they’ll be upset that I even suggested the idea.

Scout :tiphat:
 
Scout,

May I suggest that you invite them with a really tasteful invitation that quotes scripture (perhaps something along the lines of Christ’s baptism and then how the entire household was baptised into Christ - frequently seen as support for infant baptism) to show why Catholics proceed as we do.

Then hope that they do show and if they accept the invitation, allow them to behave well. Give them the benefit of the doubt. If they don’t, be the bigger person. Don’t react to hurtful comments and actions. Bite your tongue, it’s much harder, so it requires a stronger person than simply jumping on the garbage that’s tossed your way.

Who knows, perhaps in time, they’ll realize what you’ve done in not fighting back and come to see Christ in you and the Church.

May the Peace of the Lord be with you,

CARose
 
I agree that you should invite your family to the baptism of your children. As to not talking about being Catholic, or the catholic faith in family gatherings I would suggest this, if the family is in your house you are free to say whatever you wish. If you are at your parents home you are bound by the commandments to honor them, as to your other relatives, I to politely ask if they will be offended if you offer your point of view, after all you are a guest in their home. By showing this act of respect to them you may well begin to soften the hearts towards you and your beliefs.

God bless you, and welcome home.
Linda H.
 
Dear Scout,

I feel you pain. I am the only Catholic in my family too, though my family was a little more accepting since I was not living a Christian life style before I converted.

Just tell you family, “This (the Catholic Church) is where I found God.”

If you have not done so already, read "Born Fundamentalist, Born-Again Catholic" by David Currie. This book really helped me deal with my family (especially my sisters).

Remember Luke 4:22 when Jesus says, "And He said, ‘Truly I say to you, no prophet is welcome in his home town’. "

When I go home, we agree not to speak of our faith and if we do, we (more times than not) agree to disagree on certain points. If you family starts in on you, let them. Blessed are the persecuted. Listen to them, write down their Catholic bashing, then do your research so you will be ready for the next attack, and the attacks will come.

I have adopted a new family called the Couples for Christ. I know I have spoken about them before, but I can not stress the importance of a Church family ministry to support you and your family.
 
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Scout:
. My family talks about their church all the time, and all the things they’re involved with, so why is it that I’m not allowed to talk about my faith?
Scout :tiphat:
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Sorry about all your troubles, in short your not allowed to talk about your faith because your a Catholic, welcome to the real world.
You know the old saying, actions speak louder than words, just try and be as good a Catholic as you can be, and let all your preaching be example.
I had to deal with an atheist like this, I never started the conversation, but he seemed to get hungier and hungier every day for knowledge of my belief.
Just include all your family members in the offering of the Mass, and the Rosary and let God take care of it.
If people don’t want to listen to you then it’s better to be silent, let your life be your preaching.
Jesus said with out Him we can do nothing, so recommend them to Jesus and I’m sure He will take care of things.
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                                 God Bless you and remember the world rejected Jesus first, so we will be rejected too.
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And a very Happy & peaceful Christmas to you & yours from the Emerald Isle.
 
Scout -

Perhaps word the card as an announcment, with scripture, date and time. Then if they want to be there, fine - if not, they are not rejecting an invitation.

Aside from that, speaking as the only Catholic family unit on both sides of extended family - just keep on living your faith. Smile and talk about church - in love.

Kage
 
Invite them to the baptism with the same kind of invitation you will send everyone else.

Witness to your faith by your life. Witness verbally to your relatives only when questioned or to correct an incorrect statement about the faith. Be brief: “The Catholic Church has never taught people to worship statues.”

Discretion is a great tool of evangalization. Do not cast your pearls before swine. That is, don’t waste your breath on people who will not hear. It can take years.
 
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kage_ar:
Scout -
Perhaps word the card as an announcment, with scripture, date and time. Then if they want to be there, fine - if not, they are not rejecting an invitation.
Kage
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This is a good idea. At least if I don’t ask for an RSVP then I won’t have to receive a “no” answer from any of them, even though I know that’s what it would be. Plus, they can just completely ignore the invite if they wish.

This is kind of what happened when I got married. My father refused to go to the wedding because we weren’t doing it the way he thought we should. We sent him an invitation anyway, just so he couldn’t come back at us later and say, “You didn’t invite me”. It sounds kind of petty, but I guess sometimes you just gotta do whatcha gotta do.

Thanks for the advice, everyone. I appreciate all the (name removed by moderator)ut. You were all a great help. :bowdown2:

Scout :tiphat:
 
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Scout:
I converted to Catholicism this past year from a Fundamentalist/Evangelical family. Needless to say, my family is very upset with my decision. They haven’t disowned me, but it’s very clear that they are upset and do not approve of anything I’m doing in my life now, in regards to the Church. Of course, they refused to come to my Confirmation. My mother was going to go to support me, even though she didn’t approve of it, but ended up not coming at the last minute.
Well, this January we are having the children baptized. My mother is refusing to come, of course, and doesn’t even want me mentioning it to the rest of the family-especially my grandparents, because she said it would upset them too much. This really bothers me. My family talks about their church all the time, and all the things they’re involved with, so why is it that I’m not allowed to talk about my faith? I’m not trying to cause problems within the family, and I don’t talk about my faith just to upset them, but I think it’s completely unfair that I’m not even allowed to mention my Church or anything going on in my life, and yet they’re allowed to talk about theirs as much as the want. I love the Church and feel like I’m being unfaithful when I don’t talk about all the joy and peace it has brought me.
So, I guess I’m just looking for some advice on what to do in this situation. Any ideas? And thanks, everyone.
Scout :tiphat:
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WOW Scout! I know how you feel! My own mother told me NOT to send any more books or tapes to any of my relatives!!!

I would totally ignore this, and do what you feel God is calling you to do. You can’t control whether anyone comes to any events in the RCC, but YOU have the control to discuss whatever you want. By all means, TALK about all the joy and peace it has brought you. God expects you to do this!!!
 
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mercygate:
Do not cast your pearls before swine. That is, don’t waste your breath on people who will not hear. It can take years.
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Thanks for the reminder of this lesson I’d learned last year Mercy! It was really driven home when I was watching a movie with my daughter (pre-Passion release) regarding Christ’s life (the 3 tape Jesus Christ series). There Jesus is, being asked by Pilot “What’s the truth anyways?” Christ just looks at him and doesn’t waste his breath trying to explain it to him. If Christ doesn’t feel the need to try to explain it, shouldn’t I also know to not bother with those who absolutely have no desire to know Christ.

And yet, at the same time, I am called to give answer for the Joy which is in my heart. And I am my brothers keeper. So I don’t simply write people off, but I do have to remember to proceed with caution, especially when sharing with family.

Oh, and DHGrey, good book you suggest!

That and Catholicism and Fundamentalism, is also a good one.

The one thing I want to caution against however. Don’t read and prepare canned “answers” to some previous or anticipated attack. Remember, scripture says we are NOT to prepare our defense. To do so is to deny the Holy Spirit the opportunity to act through us. OK, that may be a bit too strong, but we get ourselves too much in the forefront. To truly do God’s will, we need to get our Will out of the way. I have been amazed at how the Holy Spirit truly can act even through the unprepared.

Am I suggesting you not educate yourself? Heck no, do so for your own sake, if nothing else. But don’t do so with the intent of banging others on the head with what you’ve learned.

God Bless,

CARose
 
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CARose:
The one thing I want to caution against however. Don’t read and prepare canned “answers” to some previous or anticipated attack. Remember, scripture says we are NOT to prepare our defense.
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AMEN. Many of the non-catholics already have a response to the standard “canned” answewrs. Unfortunately, most of what they know about the Catholic Church is what they have heard or read from other Catholic-bashers. If you get cornered and need to defend yourself, use the truth by the way you life.
 
My mother told me last night that if anyone starts anything with me at Christmas, then she’ll put them in their place. I don’t mind people asking legitimate questions because they want to know, it’s those questions that are designed to trap and ensnare you that I don’t like.

My real struggle is with my aunt. She’s training to be a preacher and cried about my becoming a Catholic. She’s not all there anyway, but when she finds out that I’m having the children baptized, heaven only knows what she’ll do then. Plus, she and I don’t have the greatest history, anyway. When I was 15, I was babysitting for this couple and the guy made a pass at me. When I told my aunt (because I was living with her at the time), she told me it was my fault and that I was probably flirting with him. 😦 She also told me that the abuse I suffered as a child from other family members was my fault, too. I was basically told I was an 8-year old whore. 😦 So, now you can see the many, many reasons why family gatherings make me uncomfortable.

Thanks for the help and (name removed by moderator)ut, everyone. You’ve all been a tremendous encouragement to me. Please pray that everything goes okay on Saturday and that I’m not riddled with anxiety. I’m seeing my priest tomorrow and am having him bless a Miracious Medal for me, because I’m going to need a miracle to get through Saturday.

God Bless, Everyone. And Merry Christmas.
Scout :tiphat:
 
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Scout:
My real struggle is with my aunt. … She’s not all there anyway, but when she finds out that I’m having the children baptized, heaven only knows what she’ll do then. Plus, she and I don’t have the greatest history, anyway.
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My heart goes out to you. My only advice when your aunt talks to you is to think of what she says as “the disease talking.” You might try to find something positive to give back to her. “I know you worry about me, I know you pray for me. That means the world to me… I know you mean well and only want heaven for me, but I think we’d better drop the subject.”

Remember the quote about pearls before swine? You can’t teach a pig to sing. You’ll just frustrate yourself and annoy the pig. Just because your relatives don’t understand the realities of swine husbandry doesn’t mean that you should get into their fruitless game. If it ever gets to be real dialogue, go for it. Otherwise, save your breath and witness Jesus with your actions, instead.
 
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