Help with showing respect

[Katie777]

I’m happy you see how words can be misinterpreted and how your husband realizes that sometimes, the wording is not intentional.

In time, you’ll both settle in to an easier flow of things.

 

[JetteZ]

The poster I was responding to asked if there were any Catholic authors on the list of books we received from a Catholic marriage program; as there are easily 100+ books on the list I was explaining why I don’t have an answer to her question.

I am struggling to find anything but condescension in your response.

 

[TheLittleLady]

I always google the author of a book that pertains to a Sacrament before I buy it. Marriage is a Sacrament. I want to know that the author(s) of the book share the Sacramental Theology of the Church.

 

[JetteZ]

First you were sure I needed professional help, then you were sure I was bent on controlling his internet activity, then you were sure I was trying to assign meaning and purpose to his every activity, then you were sure I was interrupting his down time by pressing him to talk when he doesn’t want to, and now you are sure that a book is horrible when you haven’t even read it.

Filling in the blanks may have serve you well; but, being on the receiving end of your assumptions is painful. I respectfully request you take that into consideration when posting.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

First you were sure I needed professional help, then you were sure I was bent on controlling his internet activity, then you were sure I was trying to assign meaning and purpose to his every activity, then you were sure I was interrupting his down time by pressing him to talk when he doesn’t want to, and now you are sure that a book is horrible when you haven’t even read it.

Filling in the blanks may have serve you well; but, being on the receiving end of your assumptions is painful. I respectfully request you take that into consideration when posting.

I still think you need professional help

You do seem bent on assigning meaning to meaningless things

You do seem to want to talk about things he doesn’t… you KEEP saying “how do I address unpleasant things” without indicating if those are really necessary to speak about.

Which made me curious as to what was pushing you so hard to desire such things.

I don’t need to read a book to appreciate rightful and cited criticism of it. It is without merit because any merit it does have is so soundly thrashed by the author’s ideas towards abuse.

Had I actually researched the book in my first post rather than giving it a cursory glance, I probably never would have suggested anything further besides disposing of it and getting valid, profesional help.

Perhaps what I am saying is painful because it is true.

 

[JetteZ]

It was on a list received while in attendance at a Catholic marriage program.

We also reviewed the summary and feedback on Amazon. When available my husband will also look up check out statistics (he’s a librarian) to see if a book is popular - that doesn’t mean a whole lot but it can help decide between two options. I don’t recall if he did that for this book. The feedback made it seem well suited for what we wanted to study. Having read the book, I do think it would qualify as aligning with Catholic ideology.

I understand why others may feel differently after reading the quotes provided by the other poster; but, having read the book I can attest it is not a book about how men can get away with treating their wives like garbage. It is about how men and women, who see the world differently and attain validation in different ways, are called by God to respect and love each other. It then explains, first to men and then to women, what is happening when conflict turns to an argument, helps each understand the actions of the other, and provides each with ways to affirm the other in the language that they speak.

There is a section of the book “for men only” on how to affirm and love your wife was spot on for me. My husband is currently reading the part “for women only” (it is a later set of chapters) and has felt that, thus far, the analysis on how he interprets things and when he feels loved/respected is accurate. I’m sure it isn’t accurate for every person; but, it has resonated with us and many other people who have rated the book highly.

 

[TheLittleLady]

It is sad that a well-respected group like Retrouvaille would promote books that run contrary to the Church’s teaching on marriage. Very sad. That list actually suggests at least one book by Michael Pearl

You might want to read Fulton Sheen’s “Three To Get Married”, books by the Popcack’s, by Matthew Kelly,