Help!!

[Solange]

I know this girl who used to be a devoted Christian.
Untill something bad happened to her.She got raped.The guy who did that to her is rich and respected by everyone in town so you know he is not going to pay for that "#*$%.
She totally neglected God and she doesn’t even go to church no more.
Anyway,now she hangs out with people who do drugs and drink.And she does all that crazy stuff,too.She’s going to destroy herself.I tried to help her sooo many times,but she just doesn’t wanna hear it.I can’t imagine what she’s going through.Plus,she’s only 17,and not so long ago her father died.
PLEASE HELP ME!!I don’t know what to do…Why would God let all that happen to her?Is it a test? Cuz if it is,IT’S NOT FAIR. :nope:

 

[deb1]

Talk to your priest. I bet that he knows of an older woman or teenager who has had to deal with the tramua of rape. Ask the girl’s parents if you can put the woman in touch with their daughter. Being able to connect with some one else who has gone through these same experiences might help. I would take your concerns to her mom also. She might not realize the problems that her daughter is facing.

As far as life being unfair…One of the sad facts that you learn as you grow up is that sometimes life just sucks. Bad things happen that seem to have no explanation. It is one of the results of free will. GOd gave us free will but the kicker is that he didn’t just give free will to the good, noble people…He gave it to evil, wicked people also. Because we don’t live in a vaccum, the evil choices of others can effect us. Never once in the bible does it say that bad things won’t happend to good people.

I am sorry for your friend’s tragedy, I am certain that she will be in all our prayers.

 

[Solange]

deb1:

Talk to your priest. I bet that he knows of an older woman or teenager who has had to deal with the tramua of rape. Ask the girl’s parents if you can put the woman in touch with their daughter. Being able to connect with some one else who has gone through these same experiences might help. I would take your concerns to her mom also. She might not realize the problems that her daughter is facing.

As far as life being unfair…One of the sad facts that you learn as you grow up is that sometimes life just sucks. Bad things happen that seem to have no explanation. It is one of the results of free will. GOd gave us free will but the kicker is that he didn’t just give free will to the good, noble people…He gave it to evil, wicked people also. Because we don’t live in a vaccum, the evil choices of others can effect us. Never once in the bible does it say that bad things won’t happend to good people.

I am sorry for your friend’s tragedy, I am certain that she will be in all our prayers.

Thank you so much for your advice,I appreciate it.But the problem is that she just doesn’t want to talk about it.She made her decision.No matter how much people try to get to her and help her,or give her some advice,she just doesn’t care.And there is something I forgot to mention.She’s acting like a prostitute,you know what I mean?She sleeps with every man that comes along…
I guess it has been a real big trauma.
And by the way, I think I’m losing my faith.
But I WILL pray for her…

 

[cheddarsox]

Are you “losing your faith” because of what happened to your friend as well? Or for other reasons?

This is a really awful situation. I am sorry for all involved.

Your friends promiscuity may be a way for her to act as if she is “taking control” of her sexuality, to make up for someone taking control of it. It is self destructive, and misguided, but a common mistake people make after such a trauma, especially when the perpetrator is not brought to justice.

She may also be trying to anihilate herself, do away with the self, the body, the vulnerable person who somehow brought this awful thing upon herself, or was too weak to be able to prevent it.

I concur with others here, that it would be best if someone who has overcome a similar trauma could talk to her. As a friend, continue to pray for her. find out what type of help there is in your community for rape and sexual assault victims. You may even find there is a support group for friends that you can go to. People there may have ideas, stories, resources that can help.

Tell your friend that you love her, and that you know that what happened was beyond awful, remind her she is not alone, and that others have been, and are in her position and there is recovery.

If she won’t go to a real time group, there are web forums, books, pamphlets.

If she is the angry type, you might point out that her self destruction is a way of letting the perpetrator win. But be careful with that one.

And do get help for yourself as well. Crimes like this have many victims in the family and friends and partners of the victim.

People do build new lives, but they are never the same after something like this.

Faith can be rebuilt as well.

cheddar

 

[antiaphrodite]

we’re praying for you and your friend. hang in there, you two.

 

[iserve]

You need to remember that God is ever-loving and ever-faithful. In the great story about the Prodigal Son, the father ALLOWS his son to squander his inheritance. He doesn’t try to stop it, he doesn’t chase after his son, but his love is always there, always waiting for his son to wake up and realize his mistake, repent and come home. After much suffering, this happens and the son comes home. His brother, the son who stayed, is angry, because the father is rejoicing, but the father tells him that he has always had access to the father’s love, and although he doesn’t realize it, he was spared the great suffering of his brother because of his fidelity.
It sounds like you might need to ponder this story, and see two important facts:1. God will not stop people from choosing sin, but He is there when people want to turn away from it and He will help them to continue doing so. 2. The loyal son, while less “celebrated” by the father, nonetheless was wise to have remained faithful, having had full access to the father’s love and assistance throughout his life, and spared himself the agony and pain of remorse and the consequences of a sinful life.

Which one are you? If you choose to let go of your values, you risk everything, a life of suffering without God’s love and assistance, a lifetime of confusion and hurt. This also includes the incredibly sad possibility that you may never return to your Father’s house at all, and die outside of His mercy, to take your place among the damned. You cannot save your friend, only God saves people because only He has what it takes . You, on the other hand, can grow in His love, wisdom and understanding, so that when you are able, you can lead the lost ot Him. I will pray for you both. Bless you for caring for your friend’s soul.

 

[legeorge]

OK, as someone who went down pretty much the same route as your friend, I will try to explain a little. Although the reasons for doing the things she is doing are numerous, they probably fall under three categories.

1. a desire to punish herself
2. a desire to punish/control men
3. a desperate need to find someone who loves her
   I wasn’t raped as a teenager, but I was molested between the ages of 7 and 9. I never told anyone about it. As I grew up, I had a feeling of being “ruined” and “worthless”. I felt like it was my fault. I started doing things that I knew would hurt me like drinking and trying drugs. At the same time, I was full of anger at men and used my sexuality as a weapon against them. All of which led to more self-loathing. The whole time though, I would be thinking, “please, someone see through this tough girl facade and love me for who I really am”. Disappointment would come when each guy was just the same as the last. The horrible wheel would keep on spinning. And after I got over my anger at God, I realized that I was in such a pitiful state of being that I couldn’t believe that he would want anything to do with me.

Anyway, I existed like this for about 4 years. My husband is the one who saw through the tough outer shell, and saw the real me. Changed my life completely! Thanks be to God! Now I can look back and see that without all that suffering, I wouldn’t be who I am today, and I wouldn’t have been prepared for the life God had in mind for me.

I guess the bottom line is that there may not be anything you can do for your friend except pray. Someone must have been praying for me like crazy. If I get to heaven one day, I hope to meet them and thank them. Your friend is too caught up in her misery right now. And losing her father is probably just making the need for love an even greater force on her. Be her friend. Be there for the good things in her life. But don’t participate in the bad. Lectures won’t do any good, and neither will talking about God’s will for her life. She’s probably not in any state of mind to hear it. Just remember that what someone else intends for evil, God turns for the good. You can gently remind her of that on occasion, but don’t be surprised if she blows you off. She will probably get through this stage of her life just fine, but in God’s way and in his time. He may even use you to help bring it about. It is horrible and makes you feel helpless to watch someone you care about go down a destructive path. But have faith, and pray. God’s plan doesn’t always come about the way we would expect! Hang in there. I will pray for you both!!!

 

[StCsDavid]

Pray the Rosary for your friend. Be gentle with her. Be patient. God loves her and you. He will not abandon her given what she’s been through. She is likely angry with God right now. He has big shoulders. He can take it. Watching her suffer, you are experiencing your own “Agony in the Garden.” She may go on to make some bad choices. Don’t be judgemental. Live your own faith, shaken as it might be right now, and she will take notice of that. She is young and it will take awhile for her to deal with this. Give her that time. Be her friend. So many things have changed for her over a short period of time. You may need to be the one consistent thing in her life. Turning to God might be too big of a reach for her to make at this stage in her life. You can be that bridge for her just by living your faith. Trust God to help you with this. Pray for Mary’s intercession on your friend’s behalf.

 

[MariaGorettiGrl]

Man. I am so sorry that this has happened! I will be praying hard for you and your friend.

I know that feeling of “What is God waiting for? We need help YESTERDAY!”. Just remember that God didn’t cause the bad and He is hit hard by these things, too. Not only has He had to see one of His sons sin horribly, but He’s had to see this hurt so badly one of His daughters and her family and friends.

The devil, who really caused this, is also the one pushing your friend to more bad things and trying to pull you away from your faith. But you HAVE TO CLING ON! In those times when there is just one dinky string left holding you up, you have to hold all the harder. If you let go, it won’t help you and it won’t help your friend!

Just keep praying. I know it can seem so useless at these times, but it does so much good. And know that you have lots of friends here praying for you, too.

I can’t say what will happen to your friend, but God does have a plan and He can make the best things come out of the worst situations!

Hold strong! Pray! Good will triumph in the end.