I have a little experience in this area. From the time I started talking (a few days after I had been to confession for the first time in nearly a decade) to the time that I drove her to the church to go to confession, 10 years passed.
She had been married outside of the church decades before and thought there was no way that she could return. (The marriage had ended in divorce and her husband passed away.) Once I assured her that she could return, there were a million reasons of why not. She had “issues” with confession and telling her sins to a “man”. She wasn’t sure she still wanted to be Catholic. She was mad at the church because they “threw her out” when she married outside of it. She didn’t remember the Act of Contrition. The priest wouldn’t have time to listen to her.
I would nudge, but like you I tried hard not to push too hard. I would tell her my experiences. I invited her to meet me at Daily Mass, and she did for a while. She knew she couldn’t receive the Eucharist. Our parish had Lenten musical performances, so I invited her to that, and she came.
Our parish offers a weekly Bible Study at times. I invited her to participate in some of those with me, and she did. At one point, she was complaining heavily about her life, and I told her point blank that she needed to “go to Church” and at that point, much to my surprise, she started showing up at Mass on the weekends. Regularly.
This happened over a matter of years. About 4 or 5 years in, she met me for morning Mass for a time. About 6 years in, she came to the musical performances. The Bible study and SUnday Mass happened about 8 years in.
Once, I was sitting at Adoration, and I had the strongest impulse that I needed to let her know that God loved her. A couple of days later, sitting in the presence of God again, I held the pen, while He wrote the letter. I have no idea if that played a part. In November, 2011, I sat once again in an Adoration Chapel, on the Feast of Our Lady of Kibeho, and I prayed to her asking for this person to return to the sacraments. A few weeks later, I handed her a booklet with an Examination of Conscience. She asked how much she owed me. I told her just to GO. A couple of weeks after that, she came to work and told me that she just had this “feeling” that she needed to talk to “that man” (our priest) before Christmas. I waited a few days to see if she would call, etc. Brought it up a few days later, the feeling was still there, but she was too afraid to call. I asked her if she wanted me to set it up.
She said “yes” “no” “yes” “no” “Oh OK”. So I emailed our priest and made the appointment. I helped her with the examination of conscience. Reassured. Picked her up. Delivered her to the front door of the rectory at the appointed time, and waited in the church for her while she made her first confession in 36 years…
I hope your friend gets with the program quicker than mine did. Mine had a lot of issues to overcome. I alternated between pushing a little bit and then backing off and doing nothing. I always told her that I didn’t want to push too hard, and she would usually encourage me to keep nudging. Some things, she didn’t really want to hear, but I would try to gently present the church’s view on things. I tried to let the Holy Spirit lead, although I wasn’t always successful, I’m sure.
In keeping with the readings of this week: We are called to sow the seeds. Sometimes we aren’t always lucky enough to see the harvest. Be patient. Pray. Listen. In the end, it’s all the Holy Spirit.
She may enjoy reading the bulletin, and checking out the various groups. It could get her thinking about how she may participate.