Helppp! [Warning: Mature]

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pumpkinmay4ever

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Hi everyone,

So I was wondering; why is masturbation (self-pleasure through excitation of the ‘privates’) and the thinking of incestful, fornication-related, ‘dominant’/‘submissive’-related thoughts etc. wrong?

Edit 1: Please do not simply respond with “It’s a sin” or “It goes against one of the 10 Commandments”…I know that as I am a practicing Catholic; but just feel some sort of deeper or more detailed explanation may be easier for me to relate to, empathize with, remember; and thus stick with/remember in the long run to ultimately change my ways.

Edit 2: Please do not block me or something on account of the fact that you think I’m a troll or I’m being inappropriate; I’m a long-time member of Catholic Answers Forums and have been struggling with this issue on and off for several months (though it feels like too long!!), and genuinely need some help!!! This is a real question I’ve been struggling with in my mind and want a definitive answer --I want to come back to Christ this Advent season, and walk with Him in the New Year. Please don’t turn your back on me, and please give me whatever two cents you can offer…I’d really appreciate it!!!

Best!!
 
I would encourage you to speak in real life with your priest if at all possible.

But ultimately sex is a gift that was given to us by God. It was designed for a very specific purpose… namely union between the spouses and procreation. A married man and woman are meant to give of themselves to the other, and by doing so, may participate in the very act of creation. To use the sexual faculties for any other purpose is an offence against natural law.

You should explore Catholic theology of the body as developed by Pope St John Paul II.
 
Aside from what has been said, when you masturbate you are acting in a distorted way. We are fallen human beings and we are meant to follow God’s Commands (thou shalt not commit adultery…even if you look at another women with lust you commit adultery…I’m paraphrasing Christ’s words).

Here are some other reasons why it is wrong:
  • It destroys your ability to have a NORMAL relationship with women that starts with friendship which leads to marriage and then when acceptable to relations with your wife.
  • It distorts your view of women and how you think of them.
  • It becomes harder on yourself because you are actually training yourself to be sexually attracted to things which are not normal, with people who you don’t know, and are not even in the room (porn). It is a form of addiction, just like people who abuse drugs, alcohol, etc. It’s a sexual addiction.
  • those people in those videos are abused just as much as you are abusing yourself during masturbation for the reasons stated above. You are using their unfortunate circumstance (selling themselves for money) for your own selfish pleasure. The industry is making billions of dollars because people are partaking in this abuse.
  • You are sinning mortally and jeopardizing your soul. Hopefully I don’t have to tell you this, but if you die in a state of mortal sin (knowing that masturbation is wrong, which it is, and still doing it) you will go to Hell, and be apart from God for eternity.
 
Thank-you @twf!!! I really needed that; and I appreciate it!!

God bless 🙏!!!
 
Your answer really touched me, @ColoradoCatholic!! Thank-you so, so much for taking the time to write this; I truly appreciate it ☺️!!! Do you have any tips for how to begin that journey of abstinence?

Thank-you,
 
Confession, and I pray the Rosary and wear the miraculous medal, its what helped me.

or you can use online programs like covenant eyes, etc. Learn about your faith, and here is the big one:

You must make it about Jesus…how does this apply to normal people like you and me? The Eucharist. Would you not want to receive Jesus in the Eucharist every week? (I know its hard because Covid, but if you can go to mass, go. DO NOT receive Jesus in the Eucharist if you are in mortal sin because it is just another mortal sin.)

But here is the kicker, if you want to receive him and your having trouble masturbating what is the one thing that can rectify this? Confession…

I started going every Saturday that I mortal sinned, with intent to break the habit. When I failed, guess what? I went to confession again that next Saturday before mass…and again, and again, and again…make it about Jesus, and you will learn to hate masturbation. You have to do it for God, because even though you can’t see Him he is there beside you. I didn’t want to disappoint him, I wanted to treat him like I do my brother and sister, or anyone who is part of my family. With Love, because I care for him. Imagine if every time you sinned it was like insulting your family…I hated that idea, so I wanted to stop. Find a reason, and keep going to confession to the point where you actually like going. By then, I’m pretty sure you will break the habit. (not the temptation, the habit…the temptation will take longer and will never fully go away, but you have to keep trying)
 
I truly truly appreciate your answer @ColoradoCatholic!! It means so, so much to me. I was especially moved by this bit “You have to do it for God, because even though you can’t see Him he is there beside you.” Thank-you so much, and I wish you all the best!!!
 
God designed sex to be an illustration of Christ and His church. When you defile that, it is such a thing that produces the wrath of God. This world has gone crazy over sex. Most people have no regard for Christ, so it’s no surprise that many are involved in sexual sin. For a christian like me, it’s hard to find a partner that wants to be committed, first of all; second, chaste.

When you are lusting after someone, you are coveting that person’s body in a way that’s impure. That person doesn’t belong to you (in marriage). We shall not covet our neighbor’s wife, as the Bible says.
 
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Thank-you for your answer, @drac16 :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:!!!

Best wishes!!!
 
Adding to that… pray to St Joseph… a powerful advocate… and Pope Francis just declared a year of St Joseph. There are various forms of the St Joseph Rosary that beautifully and powerfully supplement the standard Marian rosary.
 
pumpkinmay4ever said:
was wondering; why is masturbation (self-pleasure through excitation of the ‘privates’) and the thinking of incestful, fornication-related, ‘dominant’/‘submissive’-related thoughts etc. wrong?
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The Church views the sexual impulse as communion oriented, relationship-oriented. God makes each of us with an impulse to be in relationship with another. When you stifle that communion-oriented desire and act as self-oriented, it destroys the healthy order of what it was meant to be. It suppresses our drive towards humanity, towards God… It is actually a gift, a tool to be used, a key to unlocking a concrete manifestation of the beauties of who God is. But if we turn into ourselves, we miss the entire picture. We come face to face with emptiness. If we do come into relationship through marriage, and we’ve abused this gift, we are less able to realize or see that picture, and to fully appreciate our spouse, and our relationships suffer. We hurt the people we most want to love, and we especially hurt our own heart’s desire for completion, as well.

The dominant/submissive thoughts and other unhealthy thoughts you are having with this sexual desire are perhaps the result of sins encountered in your past. It may be worth talking them out with a counselor and getting healthy. They are impulses towards abuse.
 
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Thank-you, @Daisy ☺️!! I very much appreciate the detailed and insightful answer!!
 
God bless you, don’t give up, and trust in His mercy and goodness. He never gives up on you, He just simply wants the best for you, so don’t ever let the devil tell you you can’t keep trying.
 
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