Here and safe

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VR70

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Just wanted to send an update and we are safe and at my parent’s house.

Thank you everyone for your prayers. I felt them giving my strength and courage all day.

I can’t thank you all enough for being there for me and my daughter emotionally and spirtually.

God bless you all!!

Trish
 
My prayers are still with you…congratulations on making such a difficult step…stay strong and close to Our Lady, she will guide you…
 
Trish I had to go back and read the other thread you wrote to understand. I am so glad that you are safe. In your last thread Jules asked a very important question. Is your daughter his, or the child of your first husband?
The reason this is important is he has rights to see his daughter if she is his. I know a man who is verbally and emotionally abusive should not have these rights and boy do I know, but unfortunately they have the right. You could get into trouble if you moved out of the your state. Let me say why. My sister is divorce and her ex is verbally and emotionally abusive to their children. We have tried everything to prevent him visitation, but it is impossible here in the US. A man has to be sexually abusing the child to get supervised visitation. Here in Florida a man with a terrible anger problem hit his little girl so much with a broom stick that she was hospitalized. He was put in jail and got out and wanted his daughter. He promised the judge to go to anger management and that did it, he got visitations again with his daughter. What my sister and I have been told by several attorneys here in the US is that the US has said that both parents are needed in the childrens lives and that is what is best for the child. They seem to forget that verbal and emotional abuse creat adults with problems later in life or even criminals. My sister wanted to leave the state and go with her children far away from her ex, but her lawyer adviced against it. She said she had a case presently where a woman did just that to protect herself and her child. She left and her husband went to court and filed for temporary custody of his child. She knew nothing of it. He found them and wanted to see his child. She had to allow it. He took the child and went back to their home state. This mother now is having to fight for custody of her child from an abusive man. Be careful and get advice from attorneys. I will keep you in prayer and admire the courage and strength if took to do this. My sister did refuse visitation over the summer from her ex for he was abusive to the kids and they had to go to court. The judge found my sister in contempt for not allowing the dad to see his children.
 
Stay strong Trish, and stay safe. Still praying your way…
 
To answer the question about our daughter, yes, she is both of ours.

I have not moved out of the state, but have moved out of the county.

Beyond getting here and everything, there have been no set plans. He’s still hoping for a reconcilation, so has been sweeter than sweet.

Right now, I’m just trying to get my head on straight, which hasn’t been as easy as I thought it would be.

Again, thank you everyone for the prayers.

God bless you all!

Trish
 
Trish, do not forget to follow through on therapy for the entire family.
 
LSK said:
Trish, do not forget to follow through on therapy for the entire family.
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Yes, I can see that this definitely something that we will both need. I thought that I would get just my daughter in to see someone, but I think it’s becoming painfully clear that I need it too.

Thank you everyone for your continued prayers and support. I really don’t know what I’d do without this forum!!!

God bless!

Trish
 
VR70 said:
Yes, I can see that this definitely something that we will both need. I thought that I would get just my daughter in to see someone, but I think it’s becoming painfully clear that I need it too.

Thank you everyone for your continued prayers and support. I really don’t know what I’d do without this forum!!!

God bless!

Trish
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Please ignore prior post (other thread)… did not see this one! So glad you are ok Trish… you had me in tears… I went through something very similar, was so worried to read your post… please please know I am here for you… it is not easy, you are so brave, and we are all praying for you 🙂 And so glad you are ok! I am clearly too slow at picking up the results of these threads… but if you feel like talking, please message me? My thoughts and prayers are with you, truly…
 
nana3 said:
Trish I had to go back and read the other thread you wrote to understand. I am so glad that you are safe. In your last thread Jules asked a very important question. Is your daughter his, or the child of your first husband?
The reason this is important is he has rights to see his daughter if she is his. I know a man who is verbally and emotionally abusive should not have these rights and boy do I know, but unfortunately they have the right. You could get into trouble if you moved out of the your state. Let me say why. My sister is divorce and her ex is verbally and emotionally abusive to their children. We have tried everything to prevent him visitation, but it is impossible here in the US. A man has to be sexually abusing the child to get supervised visitation. Here in Florida a man with a terrible anger problem hit his little girl so much with a broom stick that she was hospitalized. He was put in jail and got out and wanted his daughter. He promised the judge to go to anger management and that did it, he got visitations again with his daughter. What my sister and I have been told by several attorneys here in the US is that the US has said that both parents are needed in the childrens lives and that is what is best for the child. They seem to forget that verbal and emotional abuse creat adults with problems later in life or even criminals. My sister wanted to leave the state and go with her children far away from her ex, but her lawyer adviced against it. She said she had a case presently where a woman did just that to protect herself and her child. She left and her husband went to court and filed for temporary custody of his child. She knew nothing of it. He found them and wanted to see his child. She had to allow it. He took the child and went back to their home state. This mother now is having to fight for custody of her child from an abusive man. Be careful and get advice from attorneys. I will keep you in prayer and admire the courage and strength if took to do this. My sister did refuse visitation over the summer from her ex for he was abusive to the kids and they had to go to court. The judge found my sister in contempt for not allowing the dad to see his children.
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My lawyer at the time advised me that if I absolutely had to cross state lines for the safety of myself and my daughter, that although she was advising me against it because it would be considered felony kidnapping, that if I established residence in my new home town, and could quickly get a job and a good home, provide a stable environment and strong support system for my daughter and myself (we had family where we went to) that I had a good chance of preventing him from being able to take her from me because many judges will not want to uproot the child again (if this could be done before he ever found us, if he did). I’m so sorry your sister went through this… I think it depends a great deal upon what judge the case goes in front of though…
 
VR70 said:
Yes, I can see that this definitely something that we will both need. I thought that I would get just my daughter in to see someone, but I think it’s becoming painfully clear that I need it too.

Thank you everyone for your continued prayers and support. I really don’t know what I’d do without this forum!!!

God bless!

Trish
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Trish please check in and just let us know all is ok…
 
Yes, Trish, let us know how it is going. I know you are just getting yourself situated and sometimes there are adjustments to be made. Let us know how you are though and what prayers you need. In the meantime, I’m still praying for you!
 
Still praying also for you and your family. I wish I had more words of encouragment, but all I can say is that the Lord will not allow you more than you can take. You already are a brave woman who protected herself and her child. God will indeed bless this effort. I will keep praying Rosary’s for you and your daughter.
 
Thank you so much everyone for your prayers!!

It has been a rough time, but I think there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

My daughter is doing great - loves her new school, loves my parent’s house, loves not being yelled at constantly.

I have gotten all of my things here now and my husband is living with his stepfather. So contact right now is minimal. There have been isolated threats of “making me move back to the county.” I have surprised him and myself with inner and outer strength that I didn’t know I have. When he brings this up, I remind him that if he plays hardball, I will play harder and he won’t like it one bit. I have stood up for myself to his awfulness and I feel SO much better. I have been assured by local domestic violence center that he would have a very hard time making us move back to his county. I have MS, am on Social Security Disability (only $700 a month) and have NO family or friends in or near his county. And because she has a very stable life right not, in a new school and settled down, no judge would uproot us to put us back there. Especially since he has no permanent residence himself.

I have appointments with the county next month to look at my options for what comes next, as far as divorce.

Again, thank you everyone for your prayers. I have my first confession in 12 years on Friday and some pretty major sins to confess, so please keep me in your prayers because I am TERRIFIED!!! 🙂

God bless you all!

Trish
 
Still here, still praying…May Friday be wonderful, joyful, PEACEFUL.
 
Such great news, Trish! 🙂 You did the right thing… don’t ever doubt it for a minute. Although it isn’t easy and there will be some adjustments, because of your decision your daughter will grow up with a mother who loves her dearly and is emotionally so much better able to care for her daughter without the constant tension and threat of mental and physical abuse looming around every uncertain corner… She will grow up without an unhealthy model for relationships, having learned from a role model who has shown her that women are right in sticking up for the well-being and safety of themselves and their children, and she will develop a healthy sense of self-esteem because of this that she would not have been able to develop had you stayed. Whether you realize it or not, you have shown her that her that although the sacrifice was great and the risk greater, protecting your child and her future was what was most important, that will have an impact in her emotional development and life beyond what you can imagine in the years to come. She has a chance now to grow up happy that would not of had otherwise. With a mother who is alive and well, and out of danger. Please remember this and stay strong. I know we don’t know each other, but I just want to say, please, if you ever need to talk, I am here for you. And my thoughts and prayers are with you as well 🙂

Margaret
 
Margaret33 said:
Such great news, Trish! 🙂 You did the right thing… don’t ever doubt it for a minute. Although it isn’t easy and there will be some adjustments, because of your decision your daughter will grow up with a mother who loves her dearly and is emotionally so much better able to care for her daughter without the constant tension and threat of mental and physical abuse looming around every uncertain corner… She will grow up without an unhealthy model for relationships, having learned from a role model who has shown her that women are right in sticking up for the well-being and safety of themselves and their children, and she will develop a healthy sense of self-esteem because of this that she would not have been able to develop had you stayed. Whether you realize it or not, you have shown her that her that although the sacrifice was great and the risk greater, protecting your child and her future was what was most important, that will have an impact in her emotional development and life beyond what you can imagine in the years to come. She has a chance now to grow up happy that would not of had otherwise. With a mother who is alive and well, and out of danger. Please remember this and stay strong. I know we don’t know each other, but I just want to say, please, if you ever need to talk, I am here for you. And my thoughts and prayers are with you as well 🙂

Margaret
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Margaret,

Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement! My main goal in this life is to see my daughter grow up into a strong woman who won’t let men define who she is! And I know that this was a major first step in that direction.

Thank you too for the prayers. I have felt so much spiritual comfort from everyone’s prayers. It has been such a wonderful feeling!

God bless you!

Trish
 
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