Hey everyone, i need answers, bad, so please help!

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mymamamary

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Hey everyone, i feel like i am in hot water

my mom has a problem with a collection agency, and since the account was on my dads name, only he could discuss the situation with the person on the phone, my mom didnt have permission. the problem started when she told me to call and lie in my dads name, saying i was my dad and giving my permission to talk with her about the amount owed. so i did. she did this because she didnt want my dad to find out and get mad at her and the agency. Is this a mortal sin on my part?

I wanted nothing to do with this, i did NOT enjoy it, i was shaking inside as i was about to call, so i wasnt for it. However i did.

i hate lying, especially like this, and i feel very bad

Is this ia mortal sin, because if it is, Oh ****! i need confession, then im gonna call the Priest right away and get a confession tommorrow. i dont think i’ll sleep if it is. I also feel like i want to abandon my Faith, because this is just too much, i cant go anymore,

As you read this, please keep in mind, that i am scrupulous,

i need clear replies, and all replies ARE NEEDED AND APPRECIATED!

please tell me if i need a confession.
 
You were coerced, so in my mind that will lessen what you did. If I were you, I’d be more worried about the legality. If your dad or the agency finds out, there could be some trouble for you and your mom. What you did was illegal. As for the morality of it…well you didn’t want to do it, and you wouldn’t have done it on your own.
 
mymamamary said:
Hey everyone, i feel like i am in hot water

my mom has a problem with a collection agency, and since the account was on my dads name, only he could discuss the situation with the person on the phone, my mom didnt have permission. the problem started when she told me to call and lie in my dads name, saying i was my dad and giving my permission to talk with her about the amount owed. so i did. she did this because she didnt want my dad to find out and get mad at her and the agency. Is this a mortal sin on my part?

I wanted nothing to do with this, i did NOT enjoy it, i was shaking inside as i was about to call, so i wasnt for it. However i did.

i hate lying, especially like this, and i feel very bad

Is this ia mortal sin, because if it is, Oh ****! i need confession, then im gonna call the Priest right away and get a confession tommorrow. i dont think i’ll sleep if it is. I also feel like i want to abandon my Faith, because this is just too much, i cant go anymore,

As you read this, please keep in mind, that i am scrupulous,

i need clear replies, and all replies ARE NEEDED AND APPRECIATED!

please tell me if i need a confession.
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I do not think that would be a mortal sin, because your mother holds some amount of power over you. But you need to make sure that your mom knows you won’t cover for her like that again. It’s illegal. She needs to stand up and do what’s right, which is to tell your father what’s going on so they can deal with it together. She’s acting like a child.

You are not going to abandon your faith over this! You need your faith more than ever when you sin and when others around you cause you to sin!

:grouphug:

Say the rosary, it always calms me down.
 
I’m not sure how old you are or what the situation is at your house. What your mother coerced you to do was sinful on her part. However, it sounds like there is a lot more to the story that is between your parents, such as why she wouldn’t know the amount of the debt, and why she might be fearful of your father’s reaction if he found out that she had found out.

You ought to go to confession, and tell the priest all the circumstances you know about. It seems to me that there is something really wrong going on in your parents’ relationship, and you (quite unfairly) got dragged into it. I’m not a betting person, but if I were, I’d be willing to bet that the priest suggests you get some professional assistance in navigating this kind of dysfunction until you are old enough to be out on your own. When husbands and wives are lying to each other, withholding serious information that impacts both of them, and engaging in spying on each other (which is what this was,) something is very, very wrong.

Since the three conditions for mortal sin are grave matter, knowledge of the gravity of the matter, and freely doing it anyways, the coercion present makes this not a mortal sin, although it’s still serious. Get out your copy of the catechism, and review the conditions necessary for a sin to be mortal.
 
You didn’t commit a mortal sin. To commit a mortal sin we must knowingly and willingly consent and you did not willingly consent.
I add this to others’ comments as you asked for clear answers about your position.
 
Because you mentioned that you are scrupulous, I’d like to direct you to the website of SA, in case you are not already aware of it: mission.liguori.org/newsletters/scrupanon.htm

I myself suffer scruples, and the newsletters, Father Santa’s book, and the Ten Commandments for the Scrupulous, have been very helpful, especially when it comes to the sort of questions like the one you have now.

Peace be with you.
 
Am i obliged to tell my dad? because i know he wouldnt be happy?

Whats the verdict, any replies are apprreciated!
 
Add that to the list of things that you’re going to discuss with the priest when you do go to confession. I don’t think any of us want to pronounce a verdict on whether you should inform your father. Again, none of us know the circumstances in your particular home and situation. “Not happy” could mean anything from displeased to angry enough for physical violence.

I do want to make a comment, though: Dealing ethically and effectively with moral dilemmas is a part of spiritual maturity. Many people are somewhat lacking in formation, in that they do not pray through and think through the application of moral principles. Spiritual direction can help you develop the ability to think through dilemmas on your feet and on the fly, and adult life is full of such situations. Getting competent spiritual direction can also help you assess whether you are truly affected by scrupulosity (it’s different than being scrupulous,) and help you function as an effective adult Catholic moral agent. Consider asking your parish priest about the availability of it.
 
No, he wouldnt get mad in a physical violence way, no, he would however be mad.
 
mymamamary said:
Am i obliged to tell my dad? because i know he wouldnt be happy?

Whats the verdict, any replies are apprreciated!
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No, I don’t think so. In fact doing so could put you in the middle of what is your parent’s problem to deal with. Your mother should not have involved you in the first place. So if you speak to your father, you are taking on an adult role that your mother has abdicated. Talk to your priest, I am sure he will agree with me. You confess your possible sin to him, and let it go. Do not repeat this action, and do not get involved in your parents’ problems, however difficult it may be to stay out of them. If your mother asks you to help her lie to your dad, just say, “Mom, I love you but I cannot help you lie and break the law myself.” She may get angry at you, but it will hurt you more in the long run if you get into the situation with them. In fact, it is called “triangulation” and frequently leads to the 3rd person (in this case, you) being in much greater distress than either of the other 2, who need to deal with their problems directly instead of using an intermediary.

Hang in there. Go see your priest and explain the whole situation. Pray to the Holy Family for help with your parents. You are in my prayers too.
 
Thank you all,! please do,! my parents are VERY, VERY strong Catholics, so please dont get the wrong impression, in fact, i can thank Our LORD, then them for the vocation i feel i have to the Religous life/Priesthood (im 16), however since im scrupulous, i feel like im gonna go to hell, i am so terrified right now! please pray for me, and my parents, WHO ARE VERY, VERY good Catholics!
 
mymamamary said:
Thank you all,! please do,! my parents are VERY, VERY strong Catholics, so please dont get the wrong impression, in fact, i can thank Our LORD, then them for the vocation i feel i have to the Religous life/Priesthood (im 16), however since im scrupulous, i feel like im gonna go to hell, i am so terrified right now! please pray for me, and my parents, WHO ARE VERY, VERY good Catholics!
Click to expand...
I first of all suggest that you relax. Truly, sin is no laughing matter, but we must not be driven to such fear and worry. I know where you are coming from, I too have been there. Now, certainly it is wrong to lie, that much we know. But do not fret, for:

1 ) You know you have committed a sin, and you feel sorrow. As to whether or not it is a mortal sin, I cannot say. I am not a priest, I am not your confessor. I am but a lay person, therefore, do not take my words as absolute Catholic teaching other than obvious things such as “lying is wrong”.

I recall a good article on this matter by a priest on why the scrupulous are really those who really have the least reason to fear Hell. You are not just concerned about sin, you’re overly concerned. This does not mean it’s a good thing that you’re overly concerned though, but at least you are concerned.

2 ) I have found that, as someone who has scrupulous tendencies when I forget to take my anxiety medication (like today. It’s not been a great day), that the Devotion of Divine Mercy is not only comforting, but truly healing. I greatly suggest you look at the Devotion of Divine Mercy, there is a good reason why I hear more and more about it from Catholics. It helped transform my faith into something greater than it once was.
 
Go to Confession, get advice from your priest, and tell your mother two things: it was sinful of her to make you lie and to force you to participate in deceiving your father and you won’t do it again, and she needs to come clean with your dad because she is violating her marriage vows.

Then refuse to ever discuss it again.
 
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