Hiding a new (dating) relationship from friends?

[PatrickSebast]

I recently started dating a girl who is a part of the same Catholic Young Adult Ministry group as me, thus we have a large circle of mutual friends. For the time being we have decided not to mention it to anyone in the group, at least until we have established some stability and comfort with one another.

From one standpoint this seems like a good idea as it keeps people out of our relationship when we are still sorting our feelings out (we have been platonic friends for a couple years so some aspects of it are still a little confusing/awkward).

From another standpoint we aren’t being open with our close friends, and I sometimes feel sort of guilty for sneaking things around them.

Does the sneaking around thing strike you as acceptable, perhaps even preferable for our situation, or would you say it is a bad idea and potentially harmful?

 

[Chantal25]

This is your private life, you don’t own anything to anyone.

I would feel at peace with your decision.

Congratulations!

 

[robwar]

I recently started dating a girl who is a part of the same Catholic Young Adult Ministry group as me, thus we have a large circle of mutual friends. For the time being we have decided not to mention it to anyone in the group, at least until we have established some stability and comfort with one another.

From one standpoint this seems like a good idea as it keeps people out of our relationship when we are still sorting our feelings out (we have been platonic friends for a couple years so some aspects of it are still a little confusing/awkward).

From another standpoint we aren’t being open with our close friends, and I sometimes feel sort of guilty for sneaking things around them.

Does the sneaking around thing strike you as acceptable, perhaps even preferable for our situation, or would you say it is a bad idea and potentially harmful?

You don’t owe anyone anything and basically it is none of anyone’s business. While you’re are starting out, this may be wise because you are avoiding gossip and questions by others.
Let’s say this doesn’t work out, then the less people that know and are involved, the more peace both of you will have and the friendlier the parting can be. You are also avoiding others getting involved with their opinions and ideas. You are being rather wise. Maybe it is the younger Facebook generation but being older than you, you have to realize and buck the trend that everything you are doing and thinking has to be out there for all to see, it does not at all and there seems to be a big lack of prudence and judgement in the Facebook generation. I think that is why you asked a rather good question because you are bucking the trend of those around you and feel guilty about it but in reality you should not.

 

[3DOCTORS]

I think it’s a splendid idea! It’s wise to spend that time with each other without feeling like you’re in a fishbowl. I’ve thought of doing the same thing if I start dating a guy one of these days (don’t know if that’ll happen - I don’t date much!) - I just want to avoid all the goofy “Awwww, she’s gotta boy-friend!:heart:” 3rd-grade-level commentary for as long as possible! Or the amateur relationship counselors.

 

[mountee]

I guess you made the decision to keep it quiet for a little while together so whatever drove that decision needs to honored. I don’t like secrecy either and if you feel like you are “sneaking around” I would urge you to reconsider. On the other hand taking a relationship from friends to something else can be very tricky and doesn’t need interference even from the very best if friends. Talk it over again to make sure you are both still on the same page.

 

[aemcpa]

I recently started dating a girl who is a part of the same Catholic Young Adult Ministry group as me, thus we have a large circle of mutual friends. For the time being we have decided not to mention it to anyone in the group, at least until we have established some stability and comfort with one another.

They already know.

 

[mcw013]

I recently started dating a girl who is a part of the same Catholic Young Adult Ministry group as me, thus we have a large circle of mutual friends. For the time being we have decided not to mention it to anyone in the group, at least until we have established some stability and comfort with one another.

From one standpoint this seems like a good idea as it keeps people out of our relationship when we are still sorting our feelings out (we have been platonic friends for a couple years so some aspects of it are still a little confusing/awkward).

From another standpoint we aren’t being open with our close friends, and I sometimes feel sort of guilty for sneaking things around them.

Does the sneaking around thing strike you as acceptable, perhaps even preferable for our situation, or would you say it is a bad idea and potentially harmful?

You have both made a wise decision. Neither of you are sure of what exactly happenning, and until you are there is no need to boradcast this to anyone. If issues with your firneds do come up, just tell them “Well we had something going on, but we were not sure how it would turn out, so we did not see a need to make a big issue out of it.”

That is the most that you should tell them, if anything at all.

 

[nickybr38]

They already know.

Yup. Chances are they do.

However, I can understand and respect the decision to keep it quiet.

Whatever drove you to want to keep it quiet is STILL THERE. Continue on how you’re comfortable continuing on. Don’t out yourself just to make everyone else comfortable. You know?

Best of luck to you!

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

I think it is a good idea, as long as you don’t lie etc.

 

[HouseArrest]

I don’t know that I would worry about it so much. What do you think they are actually going to do with the information? Is there going to be a “big reveal”?

 

[aemcpa]

The choice to be “secret” is perfectly acceptable according to Catholic Church teaching. We are only obligated to give details to people who are entitled to know them.

I don’t believe the OP is questioning whether it’s a sin. He is asking whether it’s beneficial or harmful to the new relationship and for their existing relationships with their common circle of friends.

 

[PatrickSebast]

I don’t believe the OP is questioning whether it’s a sin. He is asking whether it’s beneficial or harmful to the new relationship and for their existing relationships with their common circle of friends.

The would be it. I think part of the issue is that a lot of inter-group flirtations have developed, as they often do with young single people, and taming them while keeping up the facade of being single is difficult to navigate.

 

[Luvz2travel]

This is your private life, you don’t own anything to anyone.

I would feel at peace with your decision.

Congratulations!

I agree it’s a good idea to keep others from causing a distraction in a relationship or when you start dating someone. If keeps the pressure off. If things don’t work out then you don’t have to worry about folks gossiping if things do then you can bask in the congradulations you’ll get when you finally announce it.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Does the sneaking around thing strike you as acceptable, perhaps even preferable for our situation, or would you say it is a bad idea and potentially harmful?

You are not sneaking around. Your budding relationship is your business and you are under no obligation to announce it to the world at this stage.