High School Moral Choices

[aluked04]

Brothers and sisters,

I had previously made a post about the Rosary as an effect to a difficult moral decision.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=595796

But I think that the cause of my prayers deserves a post of its own:

I am a senior in a Catholic high school. I attend daily Mass, am very religious, and I am also surprisingly popular despite my pious faith. Most students in my school are not religious (nor believe in God) yet I seem to be a good influence. I had a VERY good friend that over the past few months we haven’t been friends. He has turned to drinking and drugs, which lead to all the sexual sins (except bestiality). While I try to admonish the sinner and turn him back to the Church, my efforts are useless. He weening me out of his life… I have turned to daily Rosary for help, and I am not going to stop. He holds over me that I can’t judge him because I drink. Yes, I do drink alcohol, yet, I drink in my own home, under supervision, for cultural purposes. I have never been drunk, nor do I plan to become. Drinking is just very natural in my home, and it has never caused me to neglect my duties as a Christian nor student. No sin has ever been committed under the influence of alcohol. Please continue praying for me, and any advice on how to handle this situation is greatly appreciated.

 

[trmyjs]

I am in a similar situation. And since I haven’t been very successful I don’t have much advice for you. However, you should make sure he knows you’re not judging him, you’re only concerned for him. I think it is important that he knows you’re doing this out of love.

I’ll say a prayer for you. God bless!

 

[Waiting]

Brothers and sisters,

I had previously made a post about the Rosary as an effect to a difficult moral decision.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=595796

But I think that the cause of my prayers deserves a post of its own:

I am a senior in a Catholic high school. I attend daily Mass, am very religious, and I am also surprisingly popular despite my pious faith. Most students in my school are not religious (nor believe in God) yet I seem to be a good influence. I had a VERY good friend that over the past few months we haven’t been friends. He has turned to drinking and drugs, which lead to all the sexual sins (except bestiality). While I try to admonish the sinner and turn him back to the Church, my efforts are useless. He weening me out of his life… I have turned to daily Rosary for help, and I am not going to stop. He holds over me that I can’t judge him because I drink. Yes, I do drink alcohol, yet, I drink in my own home, under supervision, for cultural purposes. I have never been drunk, nor do I plan to become. Drinking is just very natural in my home, and it has never caused me to neglect my duties as a Christian nor student. No sin has ever been committed under the influence of alcohol. Please continue praying for me, and any advice on how to handle this situation is greatly appreciated.

Just continue your prayers for your friend. Keep in contact so that he knows you ARE a friend. This should let him know that your concern is not judgment. No need to mention his sins. He knows they’re sins, and the consequences. In your own case, the drinking could become a problem – it can increasingly become a necessity. Don’t let that happen. Why not give up all drinking as a sacrifice to God in requesting help for your friend? Maybe your sacrifice is what the Lord is waiting for as help for both of you. It can’t hurt to try. It can only help.

 

[nospamgorecycle]

I selected a bible reading that is probably appropriate below, but find another friend to talk to him about it. If that doesn’t work ask for help from the Church, or other adult figures. If that doesn’t work just don’t see him as close friend anymore.

Matthew 18

15“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’c 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

18“I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will bed bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will bee loosed in heaven.

19“Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.

 

[Cryptic1]

It is good that you care enough about your friend to admonish him. Often, friends and family will stand by while someone who is engaging in destructive behavior continues on this path. However, if you really want to help your friend, you have to look to Jesus to see how he dealt with these issues.

While Jesus spoke out about sin, for eg. to the woman caught in the act of adultery, he did not judge her, unlike her captors, who had brought her to Jesus to be judged. Instead, Jesus knelt down and began writing words on the ground, words which may have called judgment upon each captor, and which made them walk away one by one. After some time, Jesus stood up and told the woman, “Woman, has no one judged you. I do not judge you, go and sin no more.”

Jesus did two things here. He told the woman to stop sining but, he did not judge her. Jesus was firm but compassionate and I believe it was his forgiveness and compassion which allowed this adulterous woman to walk away–changed. Most people feel it is their obligation to correct a person who is sinning (and rightly so), however, without offering compassion and a way out, their correction is more about their righteousness than really about trying to help the other person.

Most people judge because they do not know all the circumstances in a person’s life, but Jesus’ heart was such that he knew and understood what was behind their actions. People who drink or do drugs or engage in sex outside of marriage are mostly people who are hurting and looking for a way out. Alcohol, drugs and sex, while they provide temporary relief or satisfaction, actually hold a person in bondage until the next episode of alcohol, drugs and sex.

The world is hurting so much that most of us are not equipped with the skills or knowledge to help, like in your friend’s case. However, by giving words of compassion and hope (love in action), we can offer them a way out of their predicament. Stand by your friend as long as you can and pray also to the Holy Spirit for your friend so that intervention can take place. Your prayers will not go unanswered and your words of support and encouragement are more helpful than you can know.

God Bless

 

[Viki63]

He holds over me that I can’t judge him because I drink. .

Jesus drank wine, see the wedding at Cana.
For anyone who is not an alcoholic, there is nothing wrong with drinking in moderation: which is 2 drinks per day for a man, 1 drink for a woman.

Your friend may be going through a stage of trying to figure out who he is; a lot of teenagers try on different lifestyles while they are young, then return to the way they were raised when they grow up – in their 20s or 30s. I would suggest you not burn any bridges between you, continue to love him as a friend but don’t encourage the sins.
If he starts to tell you about some escapade, just say, “You know I don’t want to hear about that. Do you want to go bowling? (or to a movie, or talk about something else. . .)”

 

[aluked04]

Thank you all for the concerns. In terms of MY drinking, I have never had more than three glasses of table wine, and I never get drunk. I never have hard liqueur, nor have I smoked, and I have yet to fall victim to a sexual sin. But perhaps abstaining from wine for a while will be part of my sacrifice.

There are no adults that I can confront these problems to. There was an incident when pictures of students in the school were put on Facebook clearly suggesting underage drinking, and illegal drugs. When the administration found out (a priest) there were no consequences. When a teacher had students at his house and there were alcoholic beverages and drugs, no consequences for the teacher nor students. There was no doubt that what the students were doing was wrong, just our priest had no incentive to punish or admonish the students for this bad decision. My friends told me when they were asked if it was true they admit to drinking and smoking. None of their parents were called and there was no in-school punishment.

After praying my Rosary for so many months about this issue, I no longer feel any connection to this person. I am of course saddened that I lost such a close friend, but I feel Our Lady has taken that sadness from me. I will continue praying that one day our friendship will be restored, and I look forward to that day. The story of the Prodigal Son is what I am reflecting on, and of course yesterday’s Gospel readings. While I will always miss my friend, hopefully the day will come that he comes back to the Church and there will be a banquet feast in Heaven

 

[jsaldar]

Just let him know you’re not judging him. I have lost many friends to drugs. They used to be faithful and no longer believe in God. This is a sad thing to see happen to a close friend. However, just keep your friend in your prayers and be there for him when he needs you. It is pretty much the only thing you can really do.

If it were easy to change people’s minds then everybody would be a practicing catholic today. As you see this isn’t the case; therefore that is the only thing you can do.

 

[trmyjs]

Be sure you never give up hope. Just six months ago I was using drugs and committing all kinds of horrible sins. Thankfully, Jesus pulled me back in. I’m obviously nowhere near perfect, but in this short time I’ve changed a lot and I know your friend can too!

I’ll continue prayers for you and your friend.