Holidays just for the two of us...dreading this lonely time of year

[montanaman]

How about focusing on the fact you have someone to cuddle with? I’m sorry, but I do not understand the problem. There’s no “just” in “just the two of us”. There are 2 of you. Not one. You are not by yourself.

It is not pointless to cook for “just two”. There doesn’t need to be children to focus the holidays on. Christmas is just as much the birth of the savior for me, a single adult, as it is for children. My brother pulled out of the gift giving name pull awhile back because he says “Christmas gifts are really for the kids”. ugh.

I am single, and sometimes all of my siblings decide to go to their in-laws for holidays and I have absolutely no one. I went to denny’s on thanksgiving awhile ago…by myself. Please remember the lonely and invite the holdiay orphans (college students, etc) to your home.

That’s a good point. We DO have the two of us, plus one exhausting little boy. That’s a full house compared to a lot of people. I’d been hurting a little bit because we’re now both basically estranged from our large families, but the grass is always greener…or something.

 

[sherimarie]

Wishing for a baby to help open presents sure does make for a downer of a Christmas, after all it is all about a Baby. However one year we had a coworker over who had no other place to go and she was so happy and grateful, it was wonderful. Helping other people always takes my mind off my own problems.

 

[agapewolf]

Wishing for a baby to help open presents sure does make for a downer of a Christmas, after all*** it is all about a Baby***. However one year we had a coworker over who had no other place to go and she was so happy and grateful, it was wonderful. Helping other people always takes my mind off my own problems.

What? This infuriates me. Where in the world did you get that idea? Christmas is absolutely not this.

 

[sherimarie]

Jesus.

 

[sherimarie]

Hey, wolfagape, I bet i can guess your your original hair color in one try.

 

[agapewolf]

Hey, wolfagape, I bet i can guess your your original hair color in one try.

Holy cow. Happy thanksigiving to you too.You got the name backwards too.

If you read your post, YOU are the one who implied that it was something other than it was.

 

[Serap]

now now children

What the person meant was that our society tends to see children and their innocence as the focus of Christmas. :christmastree1:

BUT…Jesus is the reason for the season…we must not forget that we are all children of God and we are all equally important to Him during the holidays whether we are single, childless, with children, etc.

 

[pmoo]

The grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence Although I am divorced, I always spend the holidays with my son, DIL, grandchildren, son’s in-laws, etc.

However, this year I am really considering skipping. I have come to actually DREAD Christmas. It’s great until Christmas day, when we all gather at my son’s inlaws. They are really wonderful people.

However, the problem is that it takes about 6 hours to open the gifts. Only one person at a time can open a gift and the rest must sit and watch. There is a specific order in which gifts must be opened. The first year or two I hated it. Then, I found by drinking lots of alcohol from early in the morning, I could get through it. However, to me this isn’t really the way God wants me to spend Christmas.

I don’t want to sit for hours with a frozen smile on my face watching the dogs get more gifts than I do (yes, it’s true, they do!) I don’t want to drink myself into oblivion, but I am miserable.

Honestly, my dream holiday is to go to mass, see my family for a bit and then go to the movies, take a long walk or bike ride.

How can I deal with this. Yes, I know I’m lucky to have family. It’s not the family that is the problem…it’s this one particular day and the way we must spend it.

I’m seriously thinking of just bypassing it this year to see how it feels.

I’d love to hear from others.

 

[anode]

My sympathies. For years, our Xmases with my wealthy no-in-law, who loved to give and get gifts, plus me–I admit, I bought too much–were spent opening HUNDREDS of gifts–we usually started on Xmas eve, and because we, too, were not supposed to open them all it once, it took HOURS. Sometimes I found gifts at home that I had forgotten to open.

Maybe you could suggest a name in the hat, a limitation on the amount spent approach, and one gift per person or something–or give gift certs to non-profits as gifts, starting with yourself. You might also try attacking it head on by discussions–TOO MANY GIFTS-- tho’ we still get stuff from the inlaws that I haven’t given to for years–bec they (she) loves to shop.

If money is an issue you could make homemade jams or candy or other homemade foodstuffs–potpourri, etc. My mother’s homemade peanut brittle was epic, and when she died, it died with her. My husband makes lots of different foodstuffs, including his own homegrown dried tomatoes, which he gives as gifts. Or small funny gifts. I gave gag mini-bourbon containers to my 98 year old mo-in-law which she liked as much as anything. Emphasizing small clever or homemade gifts helps defuse the money and ostentation.

We started to use Xmas lists–what do you WANT and DON’T WANT- my forthright daughter was good at the latter–NO CANDY–even the rainforest variety. Also as they grew up, they wanted more expensive gifts so we’ve give money or help pay for the item beforehand. You’re still out the money, but it does make for fewer gifts.

And try to find other things to do–food, drive or walk around neighborhoods to look at the lights ights, attend performances (Nutcracker, Christmas Carol) EVENTS (MIdnight Mass, of course)–and house decorations–it’s a celebration, not a Going Out of Business Sale.

I don’t recommend early drinking–it’ll give you a reputation. You might also try starting the opening on Xmas eve as we did.

 

[pmoo]

My sympathies. For years, our Xmases with my wealthy no-in-law, who loved to give and get gifts, plus me–I admit, I bought too much–were spent opening HUNDREDS of gifts–we usually started on Xmas eve, and because we, too, were not supposed to open them all it once, it took HOURS. Sometimes I found gifts at home that I had forgotten to open.

Maybe you could suggest a name in the hat, a limitation on the amount spent approach, and one gift per person or something–or give gift certs to non-profits as gifts, starting with yourself. You might also try attacking it head on by discussions–TOO MANY GIFTS-- tho’ we still get stuff from the inlaws that I haven’t given to for years–bec they (she) loves to shop.

If money is an issue you could make homemade jams or candy or other homemade foodstuffs–potpourri, etc. My mother’s homemade peanut brittle was epic, and when she died, it died with her. My husband makes lots of different foodstuffs, including his own homegrown dried tomatoes, which he gives as gifts. Or small funny gifts. I gave gag mini-bourbon containers to my 98 year old mo-in-law which she liked as much as anything. Emphasizing small clever or homemade gifts helps defuse the money and ostentation.

We started to use Xmas lists–what do you WANT and DON’T WANT- my forthright daughter was good at the latter–NO CANDY–even the rainforest variety. Also as they grew up, they wanted more expensive gifts so we’ve give money or help pay for the item beforehand. You’re still out the money, but it does make for fewer gifts.

And try to find other things to do–food, drive or walk around neighborhoods to look at the lights ights, attend performances (Nutcracker, Christmas Carol) EVENTS (MIdnight Mass, of course)–and house decorations–it’s a celebration, not a Going Out of Business Sale.

I don’t recommend early drinking–it’ll give you a reputation. You might also try starting the opening on Xmas eve as we did.

Well they ALL drink early, so no worries about my reputation. The problem is this is the in-laws’ tradition. No one is going to change it for me, I guarantee it. In fact, last year it was supposed to be only for the grandchildren and, I swear, it took even longer! Plus, my son’s in-laws only gave the kids money. REgardless of the number of gifts (still was a lot) they drag it out.

I think it is all about control and making us conform to their rules - could be just my perception. I love your suggestions, but I would be doing all of this alone, which is why I would really prefer to spend it away from the family.

We all get together on Christmas eve, so I would still see all of them for Christmas. I just wouldn’t see them that particular day.

 

[Viki63]

I like the several suggestions to invite someone else over who might be alone otherwise.
When I was a single parent, the holidays were very difficult. Not only did I feel terribly lonely, I had to try to make it special for my two little sons . . .it was hardest when they were young. It’s hard to explain, how you can be lonely with children, but it was feeling that nobody cared.
I’m thnking of suggesting to my husband that we find a single parent from the church and invite her and her children to share Christmas. Not sure if the pastor would know of anyone, but he might.

 

[little_flower_1]

Hubs and I are planning to spend the holidays at home this year. Our 6 month old will hardly know what’s going on, so practically speaking, it’ll just be the two of us. We’ll find a recipe we’ve never tried and cook it together (always fun for us), we’ll sing holiday songs, watch a classic holiday movie (does National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation count? ), go to Mass, and dress the baby up like an elf and take pictures. It’ll be fun. We might even go to the trouble of making a small turkey so we can enjoy the leftovers later on. mmm.

Until now, we’ve spent every holiday at hub’s parents’ (we live across the country from my family and can’t afford to visit). The food is good, but we have no desire to be around his siblings (the one we like is abroad studying for the next few years), who hog all conversation and always find a way to insult us, and we already see his parents weekly. The kids go off to play in another room while everyone else sits in front of the tv watching whatever his father wants to see that day off his roku. We usually end up by ourselves in a corner.

I’m really looking forward to this Christmas!

 

[ElizabethPH]

Aren’t there programs in areas with military bases or towns that have military boot camps such as San Diego and other places around the country where you can invite military personel that couldn’t make in home? My mother-in-law used to do this on Thanksgiving.

 

[TexCatholic4JMJ]

Aren’t there programs in areas with military bases or towns that have military boot camps such as San Diego and other places around the country where you can invite military personel that couldn’t make in home? My mother-in-law used to do this on Thanksgiving.

This is a great idea. You might go to the Catholic Chaplain for names. Maybe even a
family whose father/mother are deployed.