Holier Than Thou

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thomasf

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I am not sure if this is the right place to put this, but here goes anyways.

Have you ever been accused of being ‘holier than thou’ by people? If so, how do you react?

I am asking because I have been accused of this recently. Particularly since I’ve come back to the church. And particularly when speaking out against things people do that a christian probably shouldn’t do, or that goes against christian principals.

Imo, people will often respond to you as being ‘holier than thou’ anytime you bring in religion or christian values to a situation. It seems to me that people have become so secular that when you attempt to interject these things that their first reaction is to accuse you of this.

I have tried to make a conscious effort to not bring up these things in a judgemental way, or condemning way. But it seems as though no matter how you do it, people immediately assume your condemning or judging them if you bring up your religious beliefs. At the same time, I feel as though you can’t just let certain things go and you have to speak up against those things if they go against your beliefs.
 
“Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”
-Matthew 5:10

“Blessed are you, when peop0le hate you, and when they exclude and insult you, and denounce your name as evil on account of the Son of Man.”
-Luke 6:22

Don’t give up thomasf. Preaching the Good News is more important than how we are judged when people don’t want to hear the Good News.

I’m sure Jesus received insults much stronger than being accused of being “holier than thou.” Next time you speak up, perhaps remember to pray first. Pray not only that the Spirit help you, but pray with thanks and praise that you’ve been blessed to hear the Good News. And pray that the Spirit helps your friends and family unblock their ears and hearts.
 
The people you are talking to may not yet be comfortable with the “new you”.

You say you recently returned to the Church, so I take it you didn’t give much advice or opinions on christian behavior before that, so IMHO, it will take abit of time for people to become used to the new you. But I think if you go easy, slowly and choose your words carefully, people will soon come to respect your opinions on matters pertaining to Catholicism and Christianity, and they may even show some real interest.

I went through a similar problem a number of years ago with many of my fallen away friends. They kind of mocked it all in the beginning or tried to loosen things up by joking about it, but I persevered and moved slowly, and now they know where I’m coming from and they have respect and still come to me with questions, which is quite gratifying.

Secular society has become so prevalent today, that even discussing our faith has become a hard thing to do, but discuss we must!🙂
 
thomasf said:
I am not sure if this is the right place to put this, but here goes anyways.

Have you ever been accused of being ‘holier than thou’ by people? If so, how do you react?

I .
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no since I am not holier than anybody, and everybody who knows me is well aware of that fact. I have been accused of being judemental (always by family members, and always by those who know I am right but are getting defensive).
 
Let’s see, when I first let it be known to my family i was becoming Catholic:

My mom began to harass me about the teaching on sex and contraception, laughed for a good 5 minutes when I told her vasectomies were very very immoral, and continually asks me if i think she’s gonna go to hell (sarcastically of course). Told me that I am no better than her and that I have no idea what i’m talking about. I tried to explain that it is not my right to judge…oh well. My brother often refers to me as the family “monk”, because of my rosary, even though my I behave the same way i did before. My dad continuously jabs at my decision to become catholic every now and then. They all think that i think i am better than them somehow, and treat me that way.

One of my friends was writing a paper about abortion ethics for a medical class, and asked me to proof read a paragraph: “There are 5 pregnant women tied to a train track, and 5 women with babies standing in front of an oncoming bus, you ahve time to save one group. Which group do you save?” To which i said “you cannot call yourself a Christian (as he claims) and hand that paper in. I would save whichever group i was moved to, and pray for the other one.” He told me I’m not the pope and to come back to reality.

One of my other friends when he found out ( a long time friend of 8 years) suddenly looked sad, and when I asked why he said “because I can’t swear in front of you anymore now…” He’s ok now, maybe the only one who understands my decision.

And many many many more stories…Moral truth is written on people’s hearts, and they don’t like to hear it.

-revelations
 
Try not to let it bother you. Didn’t Christ say that the lamp should be placed on the table so all could see it? It sounds to me that you are just shining your Light and it’s getting in some peoples faces. Some will shun you (those used to living in darkness), but others will welcome you. Shine on! 👍
 
Sometimes when describing our family prayer time (in context not as a “we are holier than you”) I’ll get a couple of comments. I usually reply that without the prayer time we maintain I don’t know how we’d get through the day!

I agree with others that your family and friends are probably getting used to the “new you”. You are doing the right thing and I know you are trying to chose your words wisely, but always do also pray in those situations. A mental “Oh Lord, please guide my tongue” can go a long way! Ask me how I know!! 😛
 
thomasf said:
I am not sure if this is the right place to put this, but here goes anyways.

Have you ever been accused of being ‘holier than thou’ by people? If so, how do you react?

I am asking because I have been accused of this recently. Particularly since I’ve come back to the church. And particularly when speaking out against things people do that a christian probably shouldn’t do, or that goes against christian principals.

Imo, people will often respond to you as being ‘holier than thou’ anytime you bring in religion or christian values to a situation. It seems to me that people have become so secular that when you attempt to interject these things that their first reaction is to accuse you of this.

I have tried to make a conscious effort to not bring up these things in a judgemental way, or condemning way. But it seems as though no matter how you do it, people immediately assume your condemning or judging them if you bring up your religious beliefs. At the same time, I feel as though you can’t just let certain things go and you have to speak up against those things if they go against your beliefs.
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I have never been told that, personally, but have been avoided by family and friends, when speaking of the truth. (ie: people don’t return phone calls, etc) You and I are sinners…and sometimes, I speak from experience, in order to help my brothers and sisters out there. What greater love for another, than to help them ‘see the Light?’ Perhaps, even say that the next time you are ‘accused’ of being holier than thou…maybe just reply with…I care about you very much, and just don’t want to see you go down a bad path. I will say that there are times when we have to leave it alone though. (shae the dust from our feet) God does not force Himself on us, rather He gave us laws (seeds) and it is up to us to heed His advice and warnings. But, does He discard us when we sin? No! He waits on us with only the kind of love a Father could give.

It is a good thing that you want to admonish your fellow friends and family who are struggling in mortal sin, but just plant seeds, pray and God will do the rest. The person him/herself also has to step up to the plate. You can only do so much. But, being a witness is very much what Christ asks of us…to show someone the way. God bless you in your efforts to witness for Christ!🙂
 
Yes. It is ridiculous how giving your opinion on something today can translate into being mean or holier-than-thou.
 
thomasf said:
I am not sure if this is the right place to put this, but here goes anyways.

Have you ever been accused of being ‘holier than thou’ by people? If so, how do you react?

I am asking because I have been accused of this recently. Particularly since I’ve come back to the church. And particularly when speaking out against things people do that a christian probably shouldn’t do, or that goes against christian principals.

Imo, people will often respond to you as being ‘holier than thou’ anytime you bring in religion or christian values to a situation. It seems to me that people have become so secular that when you attempt to interject these things that their first reaction is to accuse you of this.

I have tried to make a conscious effort to not bring up these things in a judgemental way, or condemning way. But it seems as though no matter how you do it, people immediately assume your condemning or judging them if you bring up your religious beliefs. At the same time, I feel as though you can’t just let certain things go and you have to speak up against those things if they go against your beliefs.
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You might say something along the lines of, “My goodness! Knowing myself, I certainly hope YOU are holier than I am!” 😉
 
Tough question…

But, it is possible to evangelize and share your faith in a way that is not “holier than thou”… it takes some self reflection and prayer.

I have personally experienced Catholics (in real life… off the boards) talking down to me in a very preachy manner, and yes, I take offense to that.

I am 100% Catholic and don’t disagree one bit with any aspect of the faith… but when I’m talked to in a demeaning manor, I feel insulted.

So, my only suggestion is to filter your words… don’t change your stance (again, no denial of the faith whatsoever), but put yourself into the listener’s shoes and choose your words wisely…

Evangelization can go much further that way!
(Keep up the good work though! 👍 )
 
Be who you are and be proud of your faith. Try as I might to walk the straight and narrow, I am just glad others do not know me as I know Me.
deacon Ed B
 
You may already be doing this but pray to the Holy Spirit and ask for the grace of humility, piety & wisdom.
 
Since I have become a practicing Catholic recently, whenever I try to bring the topic of religion, faith and morals…my family (who are nominal catholics) would tease me and ask if I was going to become a priest. I’m lucky my family can accept it but I hope they will one day be practicing Catholics. Currently I am trying to live a holy life to give a good example to them 😃
 
Short answer - yes I have.

How do I handle it? I tell the person I am a practicing Catholic. Since I am not very good at it, and struggle with temptation and sin, I have to practice, practice, practice every day.

When a member of my family (a fallen away member of the Church) who professed to love me started to attack me about the Church’s Teachings, I asked them if they had stopped loving me as their sister. They were shocked. They said they still loved me. I then asked them to please treat me as they would treat someone they loved, rather than someone they hate.

That was many years ago. Today this person is slowly making their way Home.

Practice Practice Practice!
 
The only time I talk about our faith is when I am asked a direct question.

The rest of the time I try to live my faith.

All my husband’s family and my family know where we are on Sunday.

And just because of that,things have come to my attention.

My sister in-law asked my husband if I thought I was better then them simply because I stopped calling.
Never mind the fact that I called her at least once if not twice a week for the last 10 years before I finally noticed she never calls me.

Or my brother in-law, who said he was still Catholic but attends the Salvation Army denomination, accused me of trying to convert him back!? I am basically as polite to him as if he were a stranger. It was a really sad day, I promised him I would never discuss religion again.(Funny too because I was talking about the history of Martin Luther and what I had learned)

So people know we’re Catholic. I have crucifixes above doors and statues of Our Blessed Mother and a wall Rosary in our hall as well as water fonts at every entrance.

But unless someone asks me a direct question I simply live my faith.

I come here to get my “fix” of Catholic talk.😉 As well as my children and my husband.
 
revelations said:
And many many many more stories…Moral truth is written on people’s hearts, and they don’t like to hear it.
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Amen! When I first went to college, virtually everyone in my dorm actively tried to “corrupt” me, even though I wasn’t particularly vocal about my faith. All I did was go to Mass on Sundays and try to be a good person. When you do that (especially when you live in close quarters like a dorm) just the simple fact that someone exists who believes these things and actually practices them (to the best of their ability) is a constant reminder to them of their own moral failings. Not that I was perfect or that I believe I was better than them. Not at all! But the simple fact that I was trying to live a moral life and they were not seemed to be unsettling to them. And, of course, their solution was to get me to be like them so that they wouldn’t have to entertain the thought that they might have to change their lives.

Jimcav seemed to hit the nail on the head. Be patient and move slowly, but be firm. That’s seems to be the best approach.
 
puzzleannie said:
no since I am not holier than anybody, and everybody who knows me is well aware of that fact. I have been accused of being judemental (always by family members, and always by those who know I am right but are getting defensive).
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Ever noticed that those who accuse you of being judgmental are, by that very accusation, being judgmental?

Ever notice that people who think Confession is unnecessary have no problem confessing YOUR sins – to you?
 
I have got to remember this. It would go very well in a talk. Thank you.
Deacon Ed B
 
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