Homosexual Friend - Please Help!

[Teencatholic42]

So my friend (girl) has just recently taken in my confidence that she is a homosexual. I have had homosexual friends in the past and have pretty much taken the same response with them - if anyone judges you for being homosexual then they didn’t love or care about you before as love is unconditional. My friend that informed me tonight that she was gay has recently had her parents split and is a very strong Christian (not catholic). During the conversation I tried to turn it to a spiritual point of view asking her if she has talked to her youth group about it. She informed me that whenever it was brought up during church it was dismissed as being wrong and shameful. This worried me, I felt like this was completely incorrect. This also caused me to come to question my beliefs on the subject. I told her being homosexual in and of itself is not a sin, but that my faith believes it is wrong to act on this feeling. I tried not to force the Catholic way on her too much as I know she is not Catholic and that she was in a delicate spot. I don’t know what I believe about it now… She’s been a close friend for so long and I’m starting to question why God even thought that homosexuality was wrong in the first place. I’m not really sure how else to help my friend as she said that her family always talks about how homosexuality is wrong and even shows disgust at shows like Glee which embrace it. Please help me! Thanks!

 

[alongexpected]

So my friend (girl) has just recently taken in my confidence that she is a homosexual. I have had homosexual friends in the past and have pretty much taken the same response with them - if anyone judges you for being homosexual then they didn’t love or care about you before as love is unconditional. My friend that informed me tonight that she was gay has recently had her parents split and is a very strong Christian (not catholic). During the conversation I tried to turn it to a spiritual point of view asking her if she has talked to her youth group about it. She informed me that whenever it was brought up during church it was dismissed as being wrong and shameful. This worried me, I felt like this was completely incorrect. This also caused me to come to question my beliefs on the subject. I told her being homosexual in and of itself is not a sin, but that my faith believes it is wrong to act on this feeling. I tried not to force the Catholic way on her too much as I know she is not Catholic and that she was in a delicate spot. I don’t know what I believe about it now… She’s been a close friend for so long and I’m starting to question why God even thought that homosexuality was wrong in the first place. I’m not really sure how else to help my friend as she said that her family always talks about how homosexuality is wrong and even shows disgust at shows like Glee which embrace it. Please help me! Thanks!

Hello,

Catholic advice…pray on it. Ask god for help in the challenge to resist these feelings and remain chaste, as all are called to do.

Atheist/liberal Catholic/anyone who doesn’t care what religion tries to tell what them what they should or shouldn’t do advice…live your life as you want to live it, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else. Don’t defer to 3000 year old rules to dictate how you live. Use common sense instead.

Above all, think for yourself after weighing evidence and logic from all sides.

 

[odhiambo]

So my friend (girl) has just recently taken in my confidence that she is a homosexual. My friend that informed me tonight that she was gay has recently had her parents split and **is a very strong Christian **(not catholic). During the conversation I tried to turn it to a spiritual Please help me! Thanks!

The Bible mentions four sins which “cry out to God for vengeance”
Sodomy is one of those sins. I have always thought that sodomy is synonymous with homosexuality. If that is the case, your friend being “a very strong Christian”, how does she reconcile the inconsistency?

 

[michelleds]

Your initial thoughts were correct. Continue to love her. same sex attraction is not the sin, acting on that attraction is. in the same way that attraction to an opposite sex person is not a sin, but acting on that attraction outside of holy matrimony is a sin. We are ALL called to be chaste according to our place in life. there is nothing special about a teenager who has attractions to someone of the same sex, he or she is called by God to behave in the same way that a teenager who has attractions to someone of the opposite sex.

Keep being her friend, keep loving her, but continue to gently call to her attention that she is called to be chaste. that GOD is calling her to be chaste.

 

[Teencatholic42]

Michelleds - I’m afraid that she is in such a delicate spot right now that even a poke or prod about it would make her very depressed… I feel like she just needs a comforting friend right now… maybe we could discuss that in the future? Then again she hasn’t really ASKED me what my opinion was but rather just wanted me to be there for her… so maybe just praying for her is the best? Thanks!

 

[OraLabora]

The Bible mentions four sins which “cry out to God for vengeance”
Sodomy is one of those sins. I have always thought that sodomy is synonymous with homosexuality. If that is the case, your friend being “a very strong Christian”, how does she reconcile the inconsistency?

You’ve got it completely wrong. Sodomy is an act. Homosexuality is an attraction. A homosexual who does not act upon his or her attraction is not sinning. Well maybe yes, but in other areas like pride, gluttony, acting uncharitably, etc, but not on the sin of committing illicit sex acts; we all sin in some way or another. We focus too much on this particular sin on this forum. Morality is not just about sex.

The OP did not say if the homosexual friend was sexually active or not. Nothing precludes her from being a very strong Christian just by being homosexual. She could be chaste, which is compatible with being a “strong Christian”. She could be unchaste but striving hard to become so, which is compatible with being a “strong Christian”. She could be unchaste and discouraged at her inability to improve, and still be considered a “strong Christian” (insert “good Catholic” instead of “strong Christian”, it makes no difference).

We need to stop focusing on people’s flaws and look at the whole person. Last weekend I was laid up in hospital after a minor medical emergency that was extremely uncomfortable. One of the nurses that looked after me was clearly a homosexual male. He was funny, decent, caring and competent. I didn’t give a hoot about his homosexuality, just happy for his care and I thanked him when I was discharged. He clearly has lots to give to society. Judgement is not just a tally of the sins, it is an accounting between the sins and what the person has given. God, also, surely will have more mercy for someone’s deep flaws who fails in spite of effort, than He will for those without the same flaw who judge those who do have it. The log in my eye, the speck in our neighbour’s and all that.

So for advice, I would say simply to continue to be friends with the person, do not judge her, do not meddle in her personal affairs, do not lecture to her, do not attempt to “convert” her. Do, however, pray for her, and do listen to her when she needs to talk to someone.

 

[Prophesy]

You’ve got it completely wrong. Sodomy is an act. Homosexuality is an attraction. A homosexual who does not act upon his or her attraction is not sinning. Well maybe yes, but in other areas like pride, gluttony, acting uncharitably, etc, but not on the sin of committing illicit sex acts; we all sin in some way or another. We focus too much on this particular sin on this forum. Morality is not just about sex.

The OP did not say if the homosexual friend was sexually active or not. Nothing precludes her from being a very strong Christian just by being homosexual. She could be chaste, which is compatible with being a “strong Christian”. She could be unchaste but striving hard to become so, which is compatible with being a “strong Christian”. She could be unchaste and discouraged at her inability to improve, and still be considered a “strong Christian” (insert “good Catholic” instead of “strong Christian”, it makes no difference).

We need to stop focusing on people’s flaws and look at the whole person. Last weekend I was laid up in hospital after a minor medical emergency that was extremely uncomfortable. One of the nurses that looked after me was clearly a homosexual male. He was funny, decent, caring and competent. I didn’t give a hoot about his homosexuality, just happy for his care and I thanked him when I was discharged. He clearly has lots to give to society. Judgement is not just a tally of the sins, it is an accounting between the sins and what the person has given. God, also, surely will have more mercy for someone’s deep flaws who fails in spite of effort, than He will for those without the same flaw who judge those who do have it. The log in my eye, the speck in our neighbour’s and all that.

So for advice, I would say simply to continue to be friends with the person, do not judge her, do not meddle in her personal affairs, do not lecture to her, do not attempt to “convert” her. Do, however, pray for her, and do listen to her when she needs to talk to someone.

I agree wholeheartedly. Pray for your friend, but I think what you should be more concerned about is for her health during the division of her parents. I think that’s the larger issue here.

-Prophesy

 

[michelleds]

Michelleds - I’m afraid that she is in such a delicate spot right now that even a poke or prod about it would make her very depressed… I feel like she just needs a comforting friend right now… maybe we could discuss that in the future? Then again she hasn’t really ASKED me what my opinion was but rather just wanted me to be there for her… so maybe just praying for her is the best? Thanks!

speaking as someone who was where this friend of yours is now…albeit 25 years ago…and hindsight is 20/20. I wish someone would have talked to me about the call to chastity. If someone had been able to present the Catholic view to me back then (SSA is not a sin, acting on it is a sin, and we’re all called to chastity), maybe a lot of things would have turned out differently.

as it was, what I got was gay=death=hell from a pentacostal perspective. THAT is not the way to “win a teen for Christ”! I figured if the feelings were sending me to hell, then i might as well go out with a bang.

so yeah, don’t beat her over the head, but don’t be afraid to talk to her gently either.

 

[Teencatholic42]

OraLabora, I agree with your statement about not trying to convert her and praying for her and such, but if she starts to date another girl, what am I to do? I would not agree witht that, but I also would not want to hurt our friendship… Or harm her more than she already is by the fact that her family will probably not accept her… Thanks again for all of the replies…

 

[Windfish]

Well, TeenCatholic42, it sounds like you have to take care of yourself as well. This situation has caused you to question your beliefs, and that is understandable. But don’t you see, it’s precisely these kinds of situations where they count the most! Did you always think it was going to be easy? Look, you may not understand the teaching on homosexuality - a lot of people don’t have the time to really understand the positions they hold - but a helpful starting point is knowing that the teaching really is part of the unchangeable teaching on faith and morals. Once you realize that, it is a matter of faith seeking understanding. That is, you may not understand the teaching, but you proceed in trust precisely because it is part of God’s Revelation to the Church. Do you see what I mean? I am trying to lay the fundamental framework in which to proceed on this issue: what matters is that even though your resolve may be challenged in situations like this, you have to realize that that doesn’t make the truth of the Catholic faith any less true. So lean on that fact.

With regard to your friend, she is still your friend, and like all other people in this world, she needs love and respect but also truth. If you must witness to the truth than do so with gentleness. You might want to research this topic more so that you can witness the truth with intellectual weight. In fact, I highly recommend that you do that.

 

[OraLabora]

OraLabora, I agree with your statement about not trying to convert her and praying for her and such, but if she starts to date another girl, what am I to do? I would not agree witht that, but I also would not want to hurt our friendship… Or harm her more than she already is by the fact that her family will probably not accept her… Thanks again for all of the replies…

You can’t expect to agree with everything a friend does, whether it involves sexuality or not. If she starts to date a girl I suggest that you do exactly as I suggested you do: continue to be her friend, listen to her and pray for her. Focus on her good qualities. If she has issues with acceptance from her parents (plus the split), she will need your friendship more than ever.

Perhaps some day through your prayers she will see the light. Or some other event will happen that will see the light, and she will try to pick up the broken pieces and move towards chastity. If you stay her friend through the ups and downs, she will remember it and appreciate it. Homosexuality is an enormous cross to bear, so she will need your friendship.

 

[odhiambo]

You’ve got it completely wrong. Sodomy is an act. Homosexuality is an attraction. A homosexual who does not act upon his or her attraction is not sinning. Well maybe yes, but in other areas like pride, gluttony, acting uncharitably, etc, but not on the sin of committing illicit sex acts; we all sin in some way or another. We focus too much on this particular sin on this forum. Morality is not just about sex.

The OP did not say if the homosexual friend was sexually active or not. Nothing precludes her from being a very strong Christian just by being homosexual. She could be chaste, which is compatible with being a “strong Christian”. She could be unchaste but striving hard to become so, which is compatible with being a “strong Christian”. She could be unchaste and discouraged at her inability to improve, and still be considered a “strong Christian” (insert “good Catholic” instead of “strong Christian”, it makes no difference).

You are right

We need to stop focusing on people’s flaws and look at the whole person. Last weekend I was laid up in hospital after a minor medical emergency that was extremely uncomfortable. One of the nurses that looked after me was clearly a homosexual male. He was funny, decent, caring and competent. I didn’t give a hoot about his homosexuality, just happy for his care and I thanked him when I was discharged. He clearly has lots to give to society. Judgement is not just a tally of the sins, it is an accounting between the sins and what the person has given. God, also, surely will have more mercy for someone’s deep flaws who fails in spite of effort, than He will for those without the same flaw who judge those who do have it. The log in my eye, the speck in our neighbour’s and all that.

So for advice, I would say simply to continue to be friends with the person, do not judge her, do not meddle in her personal affairs, do not lecture to her, do not attempt to “convert” her. Do, however, pray for her, and do listen to her when she needs to talk to someone.

You are right OraLabora.
I did have it wrong.
Thanks for the correction:thumbsup: