Honor thy father and mother...*sigh*

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I love my parents dearly, but on certain items, I could scream (no different than anyone else, right?) – we have been thru several pregnancy losses, and a traumatic first 16wks with this pregnancy…so we had an ultrasound today to rule out some things, and while we didn’t want to find out the gender, it kind of happened…the baby made it a bit difficult not to notice…lol. Because of where the tech had to hold the probe to get the measurements the docs wanted (bladder), we were at the baby’s mercy wether we saw or not, and as it turns out, HE was giving us a full show…

Needless to say, we’re thrilled baby is healthy, a little disappointed that we know, but very excited to have another boy on the way (my 2yo daughter is going to need to be “flanked” by brothers!) – so I call my mom, and she says “NO!!! I DON"T WANT TO KNOW!!!” – so I said, well, mom, SIL knows, and the kids are going to know, and you’ll be here next week…so she says “well, WHY do you have to tell the kids!!!” I kind of felt like saying “well WHY do you have to make this about YOUR wants and desires!!!” – so now I’m debating…she wants me to tell the rest of the family we’re expecting (it’s been 21wks already) – but not tell them the sex, lest they spill it around her…

Normally my mom is really rational, but this pregnancy has just shown me a whole other side of her…we wanted to keep things quiet b/c there were so many issues with this pregnancy – scary ones, and ones we didn’t know how they were going to turn out, etc. We haven’t even told our own children yet…and I’ve got a bit of a bump going too…they’re young tho, so it’s easy to kind of brush things aside and change the subject. I told her early on, b/c I needed her prayers on more than one occasion…she has bugged me to tell everyone EVER SINCE…like at least 2x/week, and all the “why??? Why won’t you tell everyone!!!”

Would this whole scenario bug you or am I just hormonal??

I feel like calling our family gossip (89-yr old aunt who can’t keep her mouth shut to save her life – we love her to death, but have accepted this fact…lol!) and telling her…knowing full well it will make it back to my mom in NO TIME flat…LOL
 
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leaner:
I love my parents dearly, but on certain items, I could scream (no different than anyone else, right?) – we have been thru several pregnancy losses, and a traumatic first 16wks with this pregnancy…so we had an ultrasound today to rule out some things, and while we didn’t want to find out the gender, it kind of happened…the baby made it a bit difficult not to notice…lol. Because of where the tech had to hold the probe to get the measurements the docs wanted (bladder), we were at the baby’s mercy wether we saw or not, and as it turns out, HE was giving us a full show…

Needless to say, we’re thrilled baby is healthy, a little disappointed that we know, but very excited to have another boy on the way (my 2yo daughter is going to need to be “flanked” by brothers!) – so I call my mom, and she says “NO!!! I DON"T WANT TO KNOW!!!” – so I said, well, mom, SIL knows, and the kids are going to know, and you’ll be here next week…so she says “well, WHY do you have to tell the kids!!!” I kind of felt like saying “well WHY do you have to make this about YOUR wants and desires!!!” – so now I’m debating…she wants me to tell the rest of the family we’re expecting (it’s been 21wks already) – but not tell them the sex, lest they spill it around her…

Normally my mom is really rational, but this pregnancy has just shown me a whole other side of her…we wanted to keep things quiet b/c there were so many issues with this pregnancy – scary ones, and ones we didn’t know how they were going to turn out, etc. We haven’t even told our own children yet…and I’ve got a bit of a bump going too…they’re young tho, so it’s easy to kind of brush things aside and change the subject. I told her early on, b/c I needed her prayers on more than one occasion…she has bugged me to tell everyone EVER SINCE…like at least 2x/week, and all the “why??? Why won’t you tell everyone!!!”

Would this whole scenario bug you or am I just hormonal??

I feel like calling our family gossip (89-yr old aunt who can’t keep her mouth shut to save her life – we love her to death, but have accepted this fact…lol!) and telling her…knowing full well it will make it back to my mom in NO TIME flat…LOL
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I think you are right to be bugged. Really, how you handle your pregnancy is none of your mother’s business. Tell your kids but ask them to keep it a secret from their grandmother.

I think everyone has similar experiences when it comes to pregnancies. Often it seems to be dealing with mothers/mothers in law who think they have a right to be at the birth, to know or now know the gender of the baby, to get naming rights, etc.

Do things your way but do honour her wishes not to know. You can still tell others, telling them not to let her know, but if she happens to find out anyway, oh well. We found out and wanted to keep it between ourselves until the baby was born but got pressured into telling people by our mother.

And I know what you mean about not being able to help seeing what the baby was. I would have known what my sons were whether I’d wanted to or not 😉
 
Some people are just superstitious about such things and may feel like they’ll bring bad luck if they knew… Silly eh? 😛

Prayers 👍
 
Do whatever you and hubby want to do and are comfortable with doing. If she doesn’t want to know, fine, don’t tell her. But that doesn’t mean she gets to control whoever else gets to know and nor can YOU control whether or not they happen to slip around her.

You might remind her that the baby’s sex is a surprise whether it’s at 21 weeks or 40 weeks.

Furthermore, it is up to YOUR discretion when to tell the family about your pregnancy.

Just my two cents! 🙂
 
This has been one of the things about being pregnant that I’ve dreaded…everyone seems to either want to know right this minute or tell us we’re doing something awful if we find out if the peanut is a boy or girl…My MIL has been demanding to know for months now, and we’ve told her when the ultrasound is, but she thinks we’ll find out and keep it a secret or something…then on the other hand we have my dad who is telling us we should just wait until the kid is born, and that we’re committing some horrible atrocity if we find out at our ultrasound in a couple of weeks…the other thing I dread is strangers wanting come up and touch my belly…I don’t know why but strangers touching my belly gives me the creeps…

If your mom doesn’t want to know, I wouldn’t tell her, but I don’t think I’d let that stop me from sharing the info with others who want to know…I’d probably let any mutual friends, family, acquaintances know that she doesn’t want to know, but I wouldn’t worry if they let it slip…

I can’t wait for the 19th to get here so that if we find out, I can get my MIL off my back…

Congrats on your SON! YAY!!!

Jamie
 
I just talked to my dad about something totally unrelated, and he is rolling his eyes at my mom as well…lol. After almost 50yrs together, I suppose he’s entitled, no?! He offered to spill it by accident and take the resulting heat…sweet guy! Then I told him my plans for his sister (the one with the big mouth) and he almost dropped the phone he was laughing so loud…LOL!
 
Your baby.
You get to find out if you want and you get to tell if you want.

Sorry, Mom, you had the chance to be in charge when you had your babies.

I say, tell. If that is what you want.
 
Gosh, aren’t pregnancies and children/grandchildren like the wedding, only times ten? (Maybe a hundred?)

My druthers would be to keep the little secret, make believe that it was our idea, and pat myself and DH on the back for treating my mom so well (secret mutual congratulation is fun during pregnancy), but I am a conflict-avoider from way back, for better and for worse.

You know how things have gone down between you and your mother from way, way back. Look forward, look in the mirror, and ask yourself what you wish you “would have done” about now. Then do that, and live with it. It is the best you know at the time.
 
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