Honor vs Obedience?

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AubrieG

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A little background… I’m 24 yrs old who no longer lives at home. I was raised by very conservative non-denominational parents who honestly did a great job raising us to love the Lord. Almost two and a half years ago I started dating my boyfriend, who is devoutly catholic. Through the course of our relationship I’ve learned a lot about the Church and am seriously considering converting…
All that being said my parents very vocally disagree with this change in direction in my life. They have talked to both myself and my boyfriend about it on numerous occassions, and it’s really beginning to be hard on me to have the tension and it’s making it hard for my boyfriend and I to move forward. (we are talking about getting married, finally! 🙂 )
Now to my question… How can I honor my parents when I’m clearly disobeying them in my choice to join the Church? Am I still required to obey them in respect to not marrying my boyfriend if this is their only problem with our relationship (they have said they will not give us their blessing)? And is it rude if I ask them to stop debating doctrine with me becuase it goes nowhere and does more harm to my relationship with them than it helps?
Sorry this is so long! Any help/encouragement would be hugely appreciated
 
a) You have to choose the Lord first, which means if you believe the Catholic Church is the path to salvation, you have to choose that over what your parents want you to choose.
Do you think that I have come to establish peace on the earth? No, I tell you, but rather division. From now on a household of five will be divided, three against two and two against three; a father will be divided against his son and a son against his father, a mother against her daughter and a daughter against her mother, a mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law." Luke 12:51-53
You cannot choose some religion which you don’t believe in order to put a man before the Lord, nor can you even choose the second-best over the best because the second-best will promise you a man or please your parents or any other human being. Pleasing the Lord comes first.

b) You have to choose your husband next, which your parents do not get to choose for you; a man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife, and the two become one. Likewise, to the bride of the king the psalmist says: Listen, my daughter, and understand; pay me careful heed. Forget your people and your father’s house, that the king might desire your beauty. (Psalm 45)

IOW, it is the assumption of Holy Scriptures that the bonds of marriage have precedence in loyalty over the bonds of blood. Only God has greater claim to you than your marriage does.
 
Honor and obedience are 2 very different things. Honor means showing your parents appropriate respect. Obey means blindly doing what they say. It is like people who grew up with liberal parents who told them ‘don’t ever get married’. Does that justify them living in sin? NO.

You are totally entitled to set a boundary with your parents and ask that these discussions stop. If they don’t give their blessing, that is their choice. The question now is ‘If I marry him will we be welcome at your home as a couple?’

Angie
 
AubrieG said:
A little background… I’m 24 yrs old who no longer lives at home. I was raised by very conservative non-denominational parents who honestly did a great job raising us to love the Lord. Almost two and a half years ago I started dating my boyfriend, who is devoutly catholic. Through the course of our relationship I’ve learned a lot about the Church and am seriously considering converting…
All that being said my parents very vocally disagree with this change in direction in my life. They have talked to both myself and my boyfriend about it on numerous occassions, and it’s really beginning to be hard on me to have the tension and it’s making it hard for my boyfriend and I to move forward. (we are talking about getting married, finally! 🙂 )
Now to my question… How can I honor my parents when I’m clearly disobeying them in my choice to join the Church? Am I still required to obey them in respect to not marrying my boyfriend if this is their only problem with our relationship (they have said they will not give us their blessing)? And is it rude if I ask them to stop debating doctrine with me becuase it goes nowhere and does more harm to my relationship with them than it helps?
Sorry this is so long! Any help/encouragement would be hugely appreciated
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You can honour your parents by respecting them and listening to what they have to say even if you will disagree with it. My wife and I have just been through this through our conversion.

I am sorry that they won’t give there blessing to you it must be really hard :bighanky:

It won’t be rude if you ask them to stop debating doctrine with you as long as you approach it right i.e. Lets agree to disagree and have an adult conversation about it.

As long as you pray to Jesus and are guided by him & listen to his words and wisdom the Lord will work through your life and all will be well. :crossrc:
 
I am sorry if this is off topic, but your parents don’t sound very “non-denominational”, do they? They sound hyper-denominational. This is a great example of what a scam “non-denominational” churches are. The Catholic Church is the non-denominational Christian Church.
 
PaulfromIowa said:
I am sorry if this is off topic, but your parents don’t sound very “non-denominational”, do they? They sound hyper-denominational. This is a great example of what a scam “non-denominational” churches are. The Catholic Church is the non-denominational Christian Church.
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Hyper Denominational? I’m genuinely curious about two things:

A) What that is?

&

B) How that would contribute to the OP’s parents and there feelings about the path her life is taking?
 
AubrieG said:
A little background… I’m 24 yrs old who no longer lives at home. I was raised by very conservative non-denominational parents who honestly did a great job raising us to love the Lord. Almost two and a half years ago I started dating my boyfriend, who is devoutly catholic. Through the course of our relationship I’ve learned a lot about the Church and am seriously considering converting…
All that being said my parents very vocally disagree with this change in direction in my life. They have talked to both myself and my boyfriend about it on numerous occassions, and it’s really beginning to be hard on me to have the tension and it’s making it hard for my boyfriend and I to move forward. (we are talking about getting married, finally! 🙂 )
Now to my question… How can I honor my parents when I’m clearly disobeying them in my choice to join the Church? Am I still required to obey them in respect to not marrying my boyfriend if this is their only problem with our relationship (they have said they will not give us their blessing)? And is it rude if I ask them to stop debating doctrine with me becuase it goes nowhere and does more harm to my relationship with them than it helps?
Sorry this is so long! Any help/encouragement would be hugely appreciated
Click to expand...
you do not owe them obedience, but you should be respectful. They may offer adivce, but you need to follow God, before men. I feel for you! Do not be distressed. The Catholic Church is the true Church which Jesus Christ started. There are good, holy answers to what ever objections or questions your parents may have.

This is a good time to assert your self in a calm respectful voice. I would simply state. “I am an adult, and I will decide where I worship God. You have made it very clear to me that you disapprove. This has been very unpleasant, and I’m growing tired of it. If you choose to be abrasive every time we visit, it won’t be happening as often.” In this way you are making it clear to them that they cannot just relentlessly assult you with their negative opinions which are probably based on untrue, vicious rumors about the Church. You are negotiating how you want them to treat you in the future! If they loose it. I would calmly get up and leave. By your calm example you would show them the consequences of their choice. They can be argumentative, and you will leave. Why should you volunteer to be their punching bag! If they wish to enjoy your company they will behave, and respect the boundaries you set in the relationship. Don’t get angry, just calmly stand up for yourself.

When they call to invite you over, I would ask, “Can you respect that I don’t want to talk about religion at this visit?” or you may wish to say. “Let’s choose one thing about the Catholic Church that you would like to learn about. Let me know what that is, and I will research it. Then we can have an intelligent, fair, open minded discussion about it.” Make them stick to one topic, and not ambush you with one objection after another. You may wish to have a Church member versed in apologetics talk to them, and answer their questions.

When they hit you with a question bring it here! we would be glad to help you! You know how it is when you struggle with something and then finally have that ah ha moment! It’s so exciting you want to share it with others. We would love to share what we’ve learned, because it is exciting to belong to the Church which lived the New Testament, wrote it down, compiled it into the Bible, and gave it to the world! Who better to understand the Sacred Scriptures than the Church which Jesus Christ entrusted it to?

Welcome! Congratulations on your relationship with your boyfriend. It is a blessing that you are marriage minded, and want to be united in your faith! Have you considered signing up for engaged encounter? It is designed to help you discern if you are a good match. It’s something to look forward to. 🙂

I will pray that God softens your parents hearts to honestly consider the blessings of the Catholic Faith. Conversion usually takes time, sometimes years… Who knows maybe you will be the one that leads them to the Church! 🙂

Hang in there sister! :hug1:
 
AubrieG,
Welcome to this forum and I hope you are comforted with good fellowship and advice:)

Peace be with you. I too come from a non-denominational upbringing. My parents were not as devout as yours seem to be. I did date a girl with a very strict father, who did his best to keep her from going to Mass with me. Its not fun. I too think it is very important to have blessings from our parents! It is good you desire this!

The conversations you have with them should be very carefull and wise. They will bring up doctrines in which they hold contempt. Do not go into them. Show them a liitle reply that demonstrates how you feel it contains love and obedience to God, but move out of it, lest they focus on their contempt.

The Spirit of God is peacefull and kind. You must keep Him in the forefront of your thoughts. Take time to filter your first reactions to reply! This is wisdom from above.

Give them the honor they deserve. Meaning, a devoted, undistracted conversation. Honesty full of hope for their blessing. Thank them for their efforts and tell them you love them.

Now, when you go to Mass, open your heart! With all your concerns, worries, and anxieties. The Mass is the highest prayer we partake in;) it is the place (not physical) we are sent from, and the place we return to. Though, He is physically there. Amen!

I have so much I wish I could say, but better to keep short and to the point. I will come back to hear your thoughts again! Meanwhile, I will pray for you imediately after this post. Thank you for seeking Him in a good spirit.

God be with you,
Michael
 
PaulfromIowa said:
I am sorry if this is off topic, but your parents don’t sound very “non-denominational”, do they? They sound hyper-denominational. This is a great example of what a scam “non-denominational” churches are. The Catholic Church is the non-denominational Christian Church.
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Non-denominational merely means that the local church is not a member of an association of congregations that shares a common governance and common creed. The authority within a non-denominational church is entirely local, and usually resides either with the pastor (often the church’s founder, too) or the in-house church counsel. Perhaps these churches could be more accurately called single-congregation denominations, but that isn’t what the English idiom is.

As you very rightly point out, however, not being a member of a large denomination does not mean that the church does not impose strict boundaries on their definition of acceptable behaviors or associations for a Christian. These local nondenominational churches are sometimes much more rigid in the control they attempt to exert over members than larger denominations are, including the Roman Catholic Church. That is a very good point.
 
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