Honoring Parents

[SisterSnowflake]

OK…by now you are all used to me asking some pretty odd questions that have come up in my high school moral theology class (juniors). At one point people even started speculating that I was a “troll” or in need of mental health help! I remind you, I’m nothing of the sort…simply a teaching Sister with a bunch of teenagers that have pretty random questions & scenarios for which I can’t always find an answer!

This one, I thought, was a pretty thoughtful question from a very nice boy:

The 10 Commandments say that we must honor thy father & mother. What if one (the mom) is a dishonorable person who abandoned the family & always does bad things? What does honoring your parent look like in this situation?

Next, if the person has the disease of alcoholism does it change anything?

I started out by saying that you are not obligated to stay in a dangerous situation and should, in fact, remove yourself from the situation. My own question is, could he honor his mom simply by recognizing that she brought him into the world and by trying not to be angry or hateful of her (a pretty tall order for a kid in this situation)?

Does her alcoholism alter the picture?

Thanks and God bless.

Sister H.

 

[Scoobyshme]

OK…by now you are all used to me asking some pretty odd questions that have come up in my high school moral theology class (juniors). At one point people even started speculating that I was a “troll” or in need of mental health help! I remind you, I’m nothing of the sort…simply a teaching Sister with a bunch of teenagers that have pretty random questions & scenarios for which I can’t always find an answer!

This one, I thought, was a pretty thoughtful question from a very nice boy:

The 10 Commandments say that we must honor thy father & mother. What if one (the mom) is a dishonorable person who abandoned the family & always does bad things? What does honoring your parent look like in this situation?

Next, if the person has the disease of alcoholism does it change anything?

I started out by saying that you are not obligated to stay in a dangerous situation and should, in fact, remove yourself from the situation. My own question is, could he honor his mom simply by recognizing that she brought him into the world and by trying not to be angry or hateful of her (a pretty tall order for a kid in this situation)?

Does her alcoholism alter the picture?

Thanks and God bless.

Sister H.

The original Hebrew word translates closer to our English word “glorify” than “honor” actually. And, no, the parent’s particular circumstance does not allow us to skip this commandment. This doesn’t mean we condone or support their sin, however. But we must always treat our parents with the dignity due them, and we must honor (glorify) them to the best of our ability. In the case(s) mentioned above, prayer, penance, sacrifice, fasting, alms giving, etc., would certainly seem to be in order, to fight the problems of the parent(s).

Let us not forget that we are in a war, not between flesh and blood, but principalities and powers! The powers of evil vs. the power of good. How can we identify the demonic in our day? Easy. By denial of the Cross. And we see this all over our society.

 

[Myqyl]

The best way to “honor” a parent that is dishonorable may be through prayer. I agree 100% that a child should never be subjected to having to deal with a parent’s issues. They are not equiped to deal with these things.

But they can ALWAYS pray for the recovery and salvation of a parent.

My 2 cents…

 

[SisterSnowflake]

THANKS, friends!

 

[chris138]

I think your answers were right on with this young man.

I am a foster mother and have adopted children. We honor the mothers of our children by recognizing that thier mothers could have chosen abortion, but did not. We pray for them to conquer thier problems with drugs, alcohol etc. and to have a happy life. We should also try to encourage them to be respectful of this person, even if they don’t deserve it. I always tell my children when God said love your neighbor, he wasn’t talking about the ones that are easy to love, anyone can do that…it is those who make it difficult.

I’m interpreting that this was a hypothetical situation, but it may be a good time to mention that lots of kids grow up in similar homes my best friends’ father was an alcoholic(sober since 1986), she went to ala-teen and it helped her deal with this in a healthy way.

 

[SisterSnowflake]

Thanks, Chris!

Sadly, this is his true life. You are right…so many kids (& adults!) are in the same situation.

Thanks for being a foster & adoptive parent!

Thanks for the responses, everyone!

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

The 10 Commandments say that we must honor thy father & mother. What if one (the mom) is a dishonorable person who abandoned the family & always does bad things? What does honoring your parent look like in this situation?

My :twocents: (as a non-theologian) is that sometimes honoring a parent means praying that they’re safe, well, and that they’ll someday find their way back to God.

Next, if the person has the disease of alcoholism does it change anything?

While it might make the parent’s behavior more understandable, it doesn’t excuse what they’ve done or are doing, both to themselves and to their families. In this case I’d add a prayer to Maximilian Kolbe for his intersession. A novena to St. Maximilian can be found here: sobercatholic.blogspot.com/2008/08/st-maximilian-kolbe-novena-for.html