P
PazzoGrande
Guest
One case in particular that is a good example is John Edwards, his mistress Rielle Hunter and their child. John Edwards sought to have the child aborted, then shuffled mother and child around to avoid the media, attempted to disprove that he was the child’s father, then knowingly lied when he denied paternity. Edwards has since taken responsibility for the child. But let’s argue with the premise that he didn’t do so and hasn’t had any positive relationship with his daughter after that.
Can the child in this case consider Edwards to be a stranger who deserves the same respect that any other stranger does rather than a father who should be honoured as a parent? While of course we are taught to forgive, forgiving doesn’t necessarily mean having to honour the person. Rather, the person could forgive only in the sense that there are no hard feelings, and not in the sense that they owe the father any filial love.
How about children who were adopted? Let’s say that the biological father isn’t even aware that he has a child (therefore we can’t argue that the child should be grateful that the father didn’t make the horrendous choice to terminate). Can the child consider his or her adopted parents to be the *true *parents, while the biological father is just some random fellow? The adopted child would seem to owe loyalty to his or her adopted parents and very little, if any, loyalty to the biological father.
I have a relative who was married, abandoned his wife and children; “married” a second woman, had kids with her then they divorced; then died on his third “wife” with other kids (I use quotations because only the first marriage was canonically valid). The children from the first marriage resent him; from his second marriage, his kids didn’t feel any sorrow or obligation as their father was dying. Instead they just felt it was just another human being rather than a parent, and treated him with the same care they would treat another human but not with the same care they would give to a parent. They did care for him as he was in his final months, physically, emotionally and financially, just as they would to any other random human whom they could help. So they did forgive him, but because he was never really a father, they didn’t treat him as a father and just didn’t have those sentiments in them, because there are no loyalties to return. These were acts of “love your neighbour” rather than “honour your father.” I find it admirable that they did as much as they did, but these were not acts of honouring their absentee father. Is this fair or is this sinful?
How exactly does one honour a parent anyway? And in these cases, how can one fulfil the religious duty to honour a dishonourable parent?
Can the child in this case consider Edwards to be a stranger who deserves the same respect that any other stranger does rather than a father who should be honoured as a parent? While of course we are taught to forgive, forgiving doesn’t necessarily mean having to honour the person. Rather, the person could forgive only in the sense that there are no hard feelings, and not in the sense that they owe the father any filial love.
How about children who were adopted? Let’s say that the biological father isn’t even aware that he has a child (therefore we can’t argue that the child should be grateful that the father didn’t make the horrendous choice to terminate). Can the child consider his or her adopted parents to be the *true *parents, while the biological father is just some random fellow? The adopted child would seem to owe loyalty to his or her adopted parents and very little, if any, loyalty to the biological father.
I have a relative who was married, abandoned his wife and children; “married” a second woman, had kids with her then they divorced; then died on his third “wife” with other kids (I use quotations because only the first marriage was canonically valid). The children from the first marriage resent him; from his second marriage, his kids didn’t feel any sorrow or obligation as their father was dying. Instead they just felt it was just another human being rather than a parent, and treated him with the same care they would treat another human but not with the same care they would give to a parent. They did care for him as he was in his final months, physically, emotionally and financially, just as they would to any other random human whom they could help. So they did forgive him, but because he was never really a father, they didn’t treat him as a father and just didn’t have those sentiments in them, because there are no loyalties to return. These were acts of “love your neighbour” rather than “honour your father.” I find it admirable that they did as much as they did, but these were not acts of honouring their absentee father. Is this fair or is this sinful?
How exactly does one honour a parent anyway? And in these cases, how can one fulfil the religious duty to honour a dishonourable parent?