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Good news…Yesterday morning, we were able to make love…I thought my wife was going to be at least somewhat interested, but she wasn’t, and there was nothing that I could do to help her feel positive about it at all–physically, spiritually, or emotionally. I got the standard ‘let’s get this over with’.
Afterwards, she started crying.
So why do I say this is good news?
It prompted us to be able to have a very good conversation about it. She says that during the act, she can’t think of anything but the physical feeling (which she perceives as bad) and then I just ‘dump that c r a p’ in her. I comforted her and when she stopped crying, I started talking about how much I had learned about the catholic view of sexual intimacy, its true meaning and beauty. I corrected her thoughts on ejaculation, explaining the meaning of it regarding reaffirming our commitment to each other each time it happens, renewing our vows, etc…She was very receptive to this idea…and then we actually starting talking about causes for these feelings and a possible healing process. There is definitely some guilt involved from us being intimate before we got married. Also, she is still having a hard time figuring out how to feel about sex…it was taboo and bad before we got married…but then we get married and it is supposed to be okay? She KNOWS this, but doesn’t FEEL it. So, our ideas for healing include lots of prayer, time and education.
We did something incredibly intimate and special yesterday, and I am thrilled. We went to confession together (took turns). It has been about a month for me and 6 years for her. We did our penance together before bed. I hope we continue to pray TOGETHER about this and all things, especially things related to our relationship. We are buying a house and moving in next month, one great thing about it is that it is about 1/2 mile from our church and we are both excited about being able to spend more time there.
I know this is going to take time, so I will also need to pray for lots of patience, but I think we are on the right path now.
As far as education, I hope to use this forum (I have learned a TON on here), Holy Sex, and anything else I can think of to help change her perspective of our marital intimacy. I would greatly appreciate any prayers and advice for our situation.
Afterwards, she started crying.So why do I say this is good news?
It prompted us to be able to have a very good conversation about it. She says that during the act, she can’t think of anything but the physical feeling (which she perceives as bad) and then I just ‘dump that c r a p’ in her. I comforted her and when she stopped crying, I started talking about how much I had learned about the catholic view of sexual intimacy, its true meaning and beauty. I corrected her thoughts on ejaculation, explaining the meaning of it regarding reaffirming our commitment to each other each time it happens, renewing our vows, etc…She was very receptive to this idea…and then we actually starting talking about causes for these feelings and a possible healing process. There is definitely some guilt involved from us being intimate before we got married. Also, she is still having a hard time figuring out how to feel about sex…it was taboo and bad before we got married…but then we get married and it is supposed to be okay? She KNOWS this, but doesn’t FEEL it. So, our ideas for healing include lots of prayer, time and education.
We did something incredibly intimate and special yesterday, and I am thrilled. We went to confession together (took turns). It has been about a month for me and 6 years for her. We did our penance together before bed. I hope we continue to pray TOGETHER about this and all things, especially things related to our relationship. We are buying a house and moving in next month, one great thing about it is that it is about 1/2 mile from our church and we are both excited about being able to spend more time there.
I know this is going to take time, so I will also need to pray for lots of patience, but I think we are on the right path now.
As far as education, I hope to use this forum (I have learned a TON on here), Holy Sex, and anything else I can think of to help change her perspective of our marital intimacy. I would greatly appreciate any prayers and advice for our situation.