Horrified by close relative's abortion

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attaininggrace

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I just found out that a close relative had an abortion a long time ago. Apparently, her mother and boyfriend were both happy about it, although she and her mother were raised Catholic. She said that she would do it again in an instant. It was a long time ago but I feel that another relative of mine was killed for selfish reasons. I wasn’t judgemental but I wasn’t supportive, either. She probably knows what I think. She is not Catholic now, I gather. I converted but I didn’t believe in abortion before.

It is difficult to deal with and was a shock. I think that I will avoid talking to her about it again. Should I maybe see a Christian psychologist?
 
Okay.
You’re going to have to bring abundant grace to this situation.
Yes, she did wrong, no she’s not sorry, yes, she knows your pro life.

Now you can drop the subject with her.

In your shoes, I would be having Masses said for her, her mom, her boyfriend and the wee one.

You might want to reach out to a right to life group for tips on how to deal or approach the situation—my own general sense is that it’s rarely a good idea to break off family ties with a person because of their sin, but it’s also reasonable to take some space to assimilate this new bit of information you know about her.

If she brings it up to you again, let her do the talking first, let her vent, don’t make her think you believe she is bad or less-than because of this.

Hopefully other people will chime in with their own experience and advice.

:pray:t2:
 
Simply pray for her, her mom, her boyfriend. Ask God’s mercy upon them. And trust that God in his abundant mercy took the baby to heaven.

Avoiding discussing it with her again is a good idea. Don’t bring it up yourself. If she herself brings it up with you, you can tell her as kindly as possible that you don’t approve of abortion and that you find the subject disturbing and upsetting and would prefer to not discuss it. Then change the subject or remove yourself from her presence.

I’m recommending this because you said you found the discussion really disturbing to the point where you’re considering getting psych help, so I don’t think you’re the best person to be listening to this lady vent or whatever about what she did a long time ago. We are not all equipped to be listening to touchy subjects, even when it’s a relative, and this is not a situation where you can save a baby’s life by listening, this happened years ago. If she really needs to talk about it in a sense of just getting it off her chest, I would refer her to a priest or to a Catholic resource in your area that helps women who have had abortions (the diocese can probably direct you to some group).

Only you can decide if you’re troubled enough to have to see a psychologist for help dealing with this.
 
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Two thoughts: I am reading Fr. Michael Gaitley’s “You did it to me” and just this morning read about admonishing sinners - those who are trying to repent vs. those who are not believers (sounds like your relative is closer to the latter). Prayer and focusing on God’s mercy and perpetual gracious forgiveness is the answer. Praying for the Holy Spirit to guide you, when to speak, when to refrain is so key. I too have THREE cousins who have aborted and a dear friend. God help their unrepentant souls. Thank you for reminding me to pray for them too! Fr. Gaitley implied if the topic arises to ask questions about their experience WITH charity.
 
These relatives of yours need your prayers, God has great love, healing, and infinite mercies that he wants to bestow upon us if we just ask. I hope that they are enlightened by the Gospel of love, life, and compassion.
Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, miserere nobis.

Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, miserere nobis.

Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, dona nobis pacem.
 
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I have several friends and family who have procured abortions. Pray for her that she will repent and come back to the church.
 
Thank you everyone for all of your help. I will certainly tell her that it is too distressing if she mentions it again and that I don’t want to talk about it. I will pray for her and her mother and see about going to a Christian psychologist to see what she says, because it was a big shock. I am saddened, but not surprised that many people have had the experience of being told about abortions by close family and friends.
 
I found a youtube video in which a psycologist/therapist said that abortion after a rape is often a way for a woman to forget about the rape. I like this explenation. Even if there is no rape, like in this case, then there is still something someone is fleeing from. This is how I started seeing things. We are often fleeing from our wounds instead of lettting Christ deal with them. Then in Heaven we will not forget the wounds. Abortion is not always about the question: when is someone human?

The question ia often: what are people fleeing from?

What are your thoughts on this?
 
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