How are single adults supposed to make friends?

[Rosebud77]

I don’t think they are.

Sadly, there are many even within the Church who seem to hold that everybody is “called” to marriage and family, and that, with the exception of a few “religious” vocations, something is wrong with those who aren’t in or actively seeking such.

Against that, however, God **never **promises everybody a mate. It’s just not there.

ICXC NIKA

Sweet relief; thank you, I have never heard of this before here in this way. Always single women have given sterling and special service because they are free of close family commitments.

 

[GEddie]

Have you thought about a religious vocation?

You will have heard of “the lack of A does not imply B?”

Specifically, although in the Western Church the call to marriage and family, and to the institutional Church (except for Deacons) are mutually exclusive, the lack of a call to one in no way implies the other.

ICXC NIKA

 

[Faxero]

You are kidding?

I don’t think they are.

Sadly, there are many even within the Church who seem to hold that everybody is “called” to marriage and family, and that, with the exception of a few “religious” vocations, something is wrong with those who aren’t in or actively seeking such.

Against that, however, God **never **promises everybody a mate. It’s just not there.

ICXC NIKA

Sweet relief; thank you, I have never heard of this before here in this way. Always single women have given sterling and special service because they are free of close family commitments.

GEddie is correct. :yup: I am not kidding.

In the past, I’ve witnessed anti-marriage and anti-children sentiments being expressed online (mostly on Reddit). When I read Darklight’s Opening Post, I was reminded of such sentiments, hence my knee-jerk reactions.

 

[Sarcelle]

I’m perfectly fine with other people having sex and babies. But for me personally, I’m not particularly attracted to men, and I have absolutely no desire to have kids of my own. That seems like a pretty good reason not to seek to get married. I don’t think I could be a good wife and mother under the circumstances.

I just feel like in our society, there’s very little place for emotional fulfillment through friendships, because everyone’s expected to have their romantic partner for that.

There is a thread that was started to discuss the beauty of friendship. Now that thread has devolved into a discussion of marriage.

Is the concept of friendship without any romantic entanglements or the expectation of sex now so alien to many that it cannot be discussed for its own sake?

 

[GEddie]

There is a thread that was started to discuss the beauty of friendship. Now that thread has devolved into a discussion of marriage.

Is the concept of friendship without any romantic entanglements or the expectation of sex now so alien to many that it cannot be discussed for its own sake?

I don’t think it’s that alien. Friendship, after all, is not tied to biological complementarity, while (in a sane society) marriage is, or would be.

I believe the issue is that in post-academic adulthood, the expectation is that everybody is in, or seeking marital and familial ties and that friendship per se is unneeded.

ICXC NIKA

 

[chevalier]

I really don’t get it. I go to a biweekly bible study, I go to adoration, I talk to people, but I feel like all the people I meet, our relationship is confined to that place. I’d especially like to meet people my own age, but it seems that most people my own age are either in the desperate for a date stage, or wrapped up in marriage and family. I’m not interested in going into the dating game, I just want to meet people that I can go out for coffee with. But it seems like in the post-school time of life the opportunities to meet new people go way down, and a lot of people seem like they have their family and that’s all they need in their life.

Oh and to make it more complicated I don’t have a car or a whole lot of spare money.

Depends. The opposite sex are likely going to at least consider you for dating or even sometimes, by mistake, consider the two of you as already dating. It just happens that way, it’s only natural. This is not to say there’s anything wrong with not venturing beyond and just sticking with coffee and conversation from time to time. It’s just that it’s difficult for a single human to press some sort of a button and switch off attraction to someone who is eligible but unavailable. If you’re female, this may be somewhat harder for you to fully realize. On the other hand, if you’re male it may be harder for you to realize that women too develop some sort of light-weight feelings of attraction in such circumstances just like we guys do, and end up having very similar problems (they don’t just yea or nay our own advances).

Many people don’t have a car these days and a lean year financially obviously is going to be a problem, but there are quite a lot of things you can do without. I think previous generations had less spare cash than we do anyway, and neither did they have TV and stuff, so creativity in ways of spending free time came more naturally to them. Take some inspiration from your parents or grandparents or other people from their generation? I’m sure they know 10,000 ways we* can’t think about.

(* Myself I’m hopeless. I practically live inside the router.)

You will have heard of “the lack of A does not imply B?”

Specifically, although in the Western Church the call to marriage and family, and to the institutional Church (except for Deacons) are mutually exclusive, the lack of a call to one in no way implies the other.

Quick! We must find something to disagree about! You’d make a worthy opponent!

 

[ConfusedLucy]

There is a thread that was started to discuss the beauty of friendship. Now that thread has devolved into a discussion of marriage.

Is the concept of friendship without any romantic entanglements or the expectation of sex now so alien to many that it cannot be discussed for its own sake?

Sadly I think it is to many. I don’t see why this sort of discussion has to go down the single with friends vs. Married and only interested in spouse when both married and single people will benefit from good friends who support your faith and these friends could be married or single. I don’t remember Paul telling people to forget about their brothers in Christ, pair off ASAP and ignore everyone outside the marriage.

 

[chero23]

I’m going to be sarcastic here. But i don’t know if you have ever watched the show, How I Met your Mother. You can go out with a friend, to a restaurant, sports bar, church, and have him say to someone your interested (as in HIMYM) Have you met Ted?

 

[anon67074017]

The person that I want to make friends with online has an uncle that is a Freemason. Should I still try to make friends with them?

 

[DarkLight]

The person that I want to make friends with online has an uncle that is a Freemason. Should I still try to make friends with them?

I have extended family members that are all sorts of things. I don’t see what bearing it has on anything.

 

[Bataar]

I’m going to be sarcastic here. But i don’t know if you have ever watched the show, How I Met your Mother. You can go out with a friend, to a restaurant, sports bar, church, and have him say to someone your interested (as in HIMYM) Have you met Ted?

That was funny in HIMYM, but unfortunately, it does require that you have someone to go out with in the first place. For people like the OP and myself, that idea doesn’t work when you go to a restaurant, sports bar, church, etc by yourself. It was funny on the show though.

 

[Rosebud77]

GEddie is correct. :yup: I am not kidding.

In the past, I’ve witnessed anti-marriage and anti-children sentiments being expressed online (mostly on Reddit). When I read Darklight’s Opening Post, I was reminded of such sentiments, hence my knee-jerk reactions.

Thank you again… All sounded so… old fashioned, pre -suffragette stuff!

 

[Rosebud77]

I don’t think it’s that alien. Friendship, after all, is not tied to biological complementarity, while (in a sane society) marriage is, or would be.

I believe the issue is that in post-academic adulthood, the expectation is that everybody is in, or seeking marital and familial ties and that friendship per se is unneeded.

ICXC NIKA

Interesting and yes thinking back to those far off days…always it has been friendship for me… Many of them lifetime friendships, some less so

 

[Luvz2travel]

For what it’s worth I’ve never had much luck making friends. I have ADD maybe that is the reason. I know I sometimes miss social ques just because I’m not into playing games. Women are bad about that and get caty. I’ve never been one to want to talk about others. I can hold conversations fine converse and talk to stranger with no issues but going deeper then mere aquaintences has never happened. As soon as a trust someone they backstab me which makes me a bit gun shy I guess. So while I know a lot of people that I have no real friends. I’ve tried to leave the door open but for what ever reason people aren’t interested in getting to know me on a deeper level then just through groups activites. One lady kept asking me don’t you date. A question that was always deeply painful to be me because I did want to date but no one was interested. I’ve since put aside that part of my life. Now I don’t expect much just try to keep myself busy.

 

[GEddie]

The person that I want to make friends with online has an uncle that is a Freemason. Should I still try to make friends with them?

It would even be ok if he himself were. We are not to limit friendship to the narrow circle of faith.

ICXC NIKA

 

[hwriggles4]

I really don’t get it. I go to a biweekly bible study, I go to adoration, I talk to people, but I feel like all the people I meet, our relationship is confined to that place. I’d especially like to meet people my own age, but it seems that most people my own age are either in the desperate for a date stage, or wrapped up in marriage and family. I’m not interested in going into the dating game, I just want to meet people that I can go out for coffee with. But it seems like in the post-school time of life the opportunities to meet new people go way down, and a lot of people seem like they have their family and that’s all they need in their life.

Oh and to make it more complicated I don’t have a car or a whole lot of spare money.

Dark Light:

When I didn’t have much money, I found that there are some “cheap entertainment” opportunities. Try asking a buddy to go to the park on Saturday afternoon and bring a frisbee or a basketball. I used to play volleyball with a group of young adults on Monday nights, which was cheap, relaxing, and fun. We would just meet up at the parish gymnasium, which was reserved for us every Monday. You can also ask someone of the opposite sex to take a walk with you at the park on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon, particularly if the weather is good. It’s a good excuse to get outside and get away from the television or the computer screen.

Another thing: Do any of the groups have Saturday socials? Pot luck dinners are often “cheap entertainment”, and if you don’t have a car, you can ask someone in the group for a ride. Some groups may also do some volunteer work, such as sorting food at a local food bank or visiting a nursing home. Last Christmas, my brother Knights and I served a home cooked meal at the VA Hospital and gave a presentation to the veterans - quite a few of my brother Knights are veterans themselves. It was so well received that we are doing it again this Christmas.

Dark Light, I used to be really shy, so I know it’s sometimes hard to take a chance and outreach to someone out of your comfort zone. After you give it a try, it gets a lot easier.

Hope this helps.

 

[DarkLight]

Dark Light:

When I didn’t have much money, I found that there are some “cheap entertainment” opportunities. Try asking a buddy to go to the park on Saturday afternoon and bring a frisbee or a basketball. I used to play volleyball with a group of young adults on Monday nights, which was cheap, relaxing, and fun. We would just meet up at the parish gymnasium, which was reserved for us every Monday. You can also ask someone of the opposite sex to take a walk with you at the park on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon, particularly if the weather is good. It’s a good excuse to get outside and get away from the television or the computer screen.

Another thing: Do any of the groups have Saturday socials? Pot luck dinners are often “cheap entertainment”, and if you don’t have a car, you can ask someone in the group for a ride. Some groups may also do some volunteer work, such as sorting food at a local food bank or visiting a nursing home. Last Christmas, my brother Knights and I served a home cooked meal at the VA Hospital and gave a presentation to the veterans - quite a few of my brother Knights are veterans themselves. It was so well received that we are doing it again this Christmas.

Dark Light, I used to be really shy, so I know it’s sometimes hard to take a chance and outreach to someone out of your comfort zone. After you give it a try, it gets a lot easier.

Hope this helps.

A lot of the problem is that, as a young adult, I don’t have the luxury of being able to take a 9-5 job that leaves me evenings and weekends free. My current shift is 10:15-7:15 Tues-Sat. So I can’t go to most things because I don’t have enough work experience to land a daytime job.

 

[Rosebud77]

GEddie is correct. :yup: I am not kidding.

In the past, I’ve witnessed anti-marriage and anti-children sentiments being expressed online (mostly on Reddit). When I read Darklight’s Opening Post, I was reminded of such sentiments, hence my knee-jerk reactions.

Only just seen this ( you quoted my post) I am not anti anything… Sorry if I gave that impression. Maybe FOR individualtity and freedom to choose …