"How are you doing?"

[JChapel]

“How are you doing?”

That is the one question that I hear just about every day. Unfortunately, it comes at a time when I’m in the middle of a severe (borderline-crisis) depressive episode, and more often than not from acquaintances who really have no business knowing about such information (they probably wouldn’t want to hear about it anyway).

I guess when it comes down to it, my question is: How can I avoid lying to these people without dragging them into the mess that is my current life situation?

 

[fieldsparrow]

A lot of the time, “How are you doing?” is just a greeting, not an actual question to be answered. The expected response is something like “Fine, and you?” I don’t think that’s lying, is it? More formulaic.

You could also employ my usual Monday morning at work reply, which is “Eh, I’m here. How are you?”

 

[nickybr38]

“How are you doing?”

That is the one question that I hear just about every day. Unfortunately, it comes at a time when I’m in the middle of a severe (borderline-crisis) depressive episode, and more often than not from acquaintances who really have no business knowing about such information (they probably wouldn’t want to hear about it anyway).

I guess when it comes down to it, my question is: How can I avoid lying to these people without dragging them into the mess that is my current life situation?

Usually when I’m in that state of mind I answer: I’m alive. How are you?

Anyway, I’m curious to see what others suggest you do.

 

[JohnMPhilomena]

“How are you doing?”

That is the one question that I hear just about every day. Unfortunately, it comes at a time when I’m in the middle of a severe (borderline-crisis) depressive episode, and more often than not from acquaintances who really have no business knowing about such information (they probably wouldn’t want to hear about it anyway).

I guess when it comes down to it, my question is: How can I avoid lying to these people without dragging them into the mess that is my current life situation?

You could just say something like, “It’s business as usual.” or a sarcastic, “Just wonderful.”, or how about, “Comme si, comme ca.” (French for like this, like that - or so-so). I don’t think being vague or sarcastic is the same as a lie when the person has no business knowing personal information. Usually they don’t even want anything other than a “Fine thank-you”.

Also pray for help. Here’s one of my favorite Augustine quotes:

Lord, have pity on me; my evil sorrows contend with my good joys. Lord, have pity on me. Thou art the Physician, I am the sick man; thou art merciful, I need mercy. Is not the life of man on earth an ordeal? My whole hope is in thy exceeding great mercy and that alone. Give what thou commandest and command what thou wilt. O Love, O my God, enkindle me! - St. Augustine

 

[FidesSpesCarita]

My vote is for a casual “Better than I deserve”. Always makes people think…

 

[TheRealJuliane]

“How are you doing?”

That is the one question that I hear just about every day. Unfortunately, it comes at a time when I’m in the middle of a severe (borderline-crisis) depressive episode, and more often than not from acquaintances who really have no business knowing about such information (they probably wouldn’t want to hear about it anyway).

I guess when it comes down to it, my question is: How can I avoid lying to these people without dragging them into the mess that is my current life situation?

I sometimes give a song lyric,

“I can’t complain but sometimes I still do.”



But usually I just say, “I’m good, how are you?” As the other poster said, it’s just a formula, not like they really want to know. Kind of like how the grocery store checker says, “Did you find everything OK today?” and I don’t have to tell her, “No, I wanted Mission corn tortillas in the large size but they’ve disappeared, and dishwasher soap doesn’t work right any more, no matter what I try.” I just say, “Yeah pretty much.”

 

[kmuestwin]

If I’m having a bad day, I tell people that it’s been a bad day. I would rather tell someone a little bit of my situation than have them wonder why I was in a sour mood. It’s better to give at least a hint of what’s really going on that way people know how to approach me and that way nobody gets their feelings hurt.

 

[kmuestwin]

I sometimes give a song lyric,

“I can’t complain but sometimes I still do.”



But usually I just say, “I’m good, how are you?” As the other poster said, it’s just a formula, not like they really want to know. Kind of like how the grocery store checker says, “Did you find everything OK today?” and I don’t have to tell her, “No, I wanted Mission corn tortillas in the large size but they’ve disappeared, and dishwasher soap doesn’t work right any more, no matter what I try.” I just say, “Yeah pretty much.”

I work at a grocery store and I wish you would tell me things like that. I can only help if I know the problem.

 

[Young_Thinker]

Whenever I do not feel well or something bad has happened in my life, I typically use vague language (e.g. “relatively well, thank you” or “I am all right. How are you?”) in response to such a greeting. And more often than not, I am the one who initiates the greeting (I try to be friendly and often say this to complete strangers). So, I would actually have someone be honest with me than pretend than I am not even there (which happens even with people whom I know; it is almost as if there is wrong with you if you want to say “hello” to them).

 

[nickybr38]

Reading these comments made me smile.

I work in a grocery store too. I’ve asked customers how are you and received their life story. Some stories have broken my heart, others have made me laugh… but I’m ALWAYS happy when people share how they are REALLY feeling.

One day I asked a fairly regular customer: How are you?
And she shared with me that her husband was dying (confirmed cancer). The next week she came in and let me know that he had died. You know… I may not know her and I may not be friends with her but she broke my heart.

Sometimes when people ask; how are you, they’re not saying it just to be polite. They’re saying it because they genuinely care how you are! And you might find yourself in the presence of someone who not only cares but will listen with an impartial ear.