How can I accept Gods love and mercy? (Long story/help!)

[hausofferni]

I’m so confused and going crazy. Just as a side note I am scrupulous and have yet to find help for it (even though I’ve tried), but I don’t understand how to accept Gods love and mercy. The concept is so foreign and I just can’t, no matter what I do or try, I can’t. I just don’t get it! I’m sad all the time and the only time I’m happy is after confession (which I still do profusely) and after mass. I can’t live I can’t breathe I can’t eat. I have to literally lie to myself and tell myself that God loves me and that I haven’t committed mortal sins and that I’m okay and that Jesus is okay with me…but after a few days everything gets cut off and the lies don’t work and so I’m in complete despair from like Wednesday until Saturday confessions. I went 2 weeks ago to my favorite priest and told him about my problem and as my penance he told me to talk to God and so I did and I was a little assured, but then here I am. I’ve felt this before, and it always happens when I start getting really close to the faith, and it has reached a point to where I don’t even know who God is. And I’m so scared that I will get to that place again because I would cry myself to sleep and couldn’t breathe and it was horrible. I don’t know where to go from here.

 

[ynotzap]

I’m so confused and going crazy. Just as a side note I am scrupulous and have yet to find help for it (even though I’ve tried), but I don’t understand how to accept Gods love and mercy. The concept is so foreign and I just can’t, no matter what I do or try, I can’t. I just don’t get it! I’m sad all the time and the only time I’m happy is after confession (which I still do profusely) and after mass. I can’t live I can’t breathe I can’t eat. I have to literally lie to myself and tell myself that God loves me and that I haven’t committed mortal sins and that I’m okay and that Jesus is okay with me…but after a few days everything gets cut off and the lies don’t work and so I’m in complete despair from like Wednesday until Saturday confessions. I went 2 weeks ago to my favorite priest and told him about my problem and as my penance he told me to talk to God and so I did and I was a little assured, but then here I am. I’ve felt this before, and it always happens when I start getting really close to the faith, and it has reached a point to where I don’t even know who God is. And I’m so scared that I will get to that place again because I would cry myself to sleep and couldn’t breathe and it was horrible. I don’t know where to go from here.

I don’t know your background which can definitely affect your self-confidence eg. trying your best to please someone in your family and never being good enough. Maybe a strong feeling of insecurity with yourself and others. There is a very important point you must know about God, He loved us while we were still in sin, and His love for us never fails, is always there for us, and we don’t have to be perfect. We must find peace with ourselves and God. and accept our so-called failings, God does, so must we. Trust in God is a virtue, and to grow closer to God, we need to practice it, no matter how many times we fail. Don’t forget, the devil is real, and he will do everything he can to separate you from God, but God’s love for you won’t let that happen, even when your love for Him fails, or is weakened. Ask Jesus to release His Spirit in you, and to expel anything that is of anti-Christ in you, for example, a lack of trust, and peace in Jesus.

 

[Confiteor_Deo]

Your scrupulosity seems to have gone to an extreme level and may even be causing you to become depressed. You need to find a priest or even a psychologist to help you with this. What you are telling yourself isn’t lies, they are the truth.

 

[littlestsouls2]

DECALOGUE OF CONFIDENCE
(Dictated by Our Lord to Sr. Benigna Dictated by Our Lord to Sr. Benigna Consolata Ferrero, September 11, 1915)

1. I have a God who is all mine.
2. This God, all mine, is my Father.
3. This God, all mine, wishes that I should be all His forever.
4. This God of love came down from Heaven to earth on purpose to seek me.
5. This God of love asks me for my heart.
6. This God of love wishes to be to me a brother, friend and consoler.
7. This God of love carries His tenderness so far as to wish to be my physician, my medicine, and more than all, my spouse.
8. This God of love wishes to be despoiled of His gifts, as a tree is stripped of its fruits, which in no wise complains, but rather produces more fruit. The tree must wait another year, but I produce fruit at once.
9. This God of love seeks only miseries to consume, imperfections to destroy, weak wills to fortify, and good resolutions to strengthen.
10. This God of love goes in search of those whom the world despises, abhors and abandons, that is, of poor sinners; and after having converted them through the delicacies of His charity and the attractions of His mercy, if He meets with the correspondence He seeks, He makes them masterpieces of holiness.

 

[Bahman]

I’m so confused and going crazy. Just as a side note I am scrupulous and have yet to find help for it (even though I’ve tried), but I don’t understand how to accept Gods love and mercy. The concept is so foreign and I just can’t, no matter what I do or try, I can’t. I just don’t get it! I’m sad all the time and the only time I’m happy is after confession (which I still do profusely) and after mass. I can’t live I can’t breathe I can’t eat. I have to literally lie to myself and tell myself that God loves me and that I haven’t committed mortal sins and that I’m okay and that Jesus is okay with me…but after a few days everything gets cut off and the lies don’t work and so I’m in complete despair from like Wednesday until Saturday confessions. I went 2 weeks ago to my favorite priest and told him about my problem and as my penance he told me to talk to God and so I did and I was a little assured, but then here I am. I’ve felt this before, and it always happens when I start getting really close to the faith, and it has reached a point to where I don’t even know who God is. And I’m so scared that I will get to that place again because I would cry myself to sleep and couldn’t breathe and it was horrible. I don’t know where to go from here.

You may need to meet a psychologist.

 

[inocente]

I’m so confused and going crazy. Just as a side note I am scrupulous and have yet to find help for it (even though I’ve tried), but I don’t understand how to accept Gods love and mercy. The concept is so foreign and I just can’t, no matter what I do or try, I can’t. I just don’t get it! I’m sad all the time and the only time I’m happy is after confession (which I still do profusely) and after mass. I can’t live I can’t breathe I can’t eat. I have to literally lie to myself and tell myself that God loves me and that I haven’t committed mortal sins and that I’m okay and that Jesus is okay with me…but after a few days everything gets cut off and the lies don’t work and so I’m in complete despair from like Wednesday until Saturday confessions. I went 2 weeks ago to my favorite priest and told him about my problem and as my penance he told me to talk to God and so I did and I was a little assured, but then here I am. I’ve felt this before, and it always happens when I start getting really close to the faith, and it has reached a point to where I don’t even know who God is. And I’m so scared that I will get to that place again because I would cry myself to sleep and couldn’t breathe and it was horrible. I don’t know where to go from here.

You sound unwell. See your doctor straight away, they see this every day and will know what to do.

 

[Simca]

I’m so confused and going crazy. Just as a side note I am scrupulous and have yet to find help for it (even though I’ve tried), but I don’t understand how to accept Gods love and mercy. The concept is so foreign and I just can’t, no matter what I do or try, I can’t. I just don’t get it!

If it were me, I would begin by telling God, “Lord, I accept your love and mercy. Help me to understand it with my mind, and most importantly Lord, help me to know it in my heart.” This, or something like it, needs to be your prayer until God brings it to completion, and since God is faithful, He will do it, but it may take quite a bit of time.

I’m sad all the time and the only time I’m happy is after confession (which I still do profusely) and after mass. I can’t live I can’t breathe I can’t eat. I have to literally lie to myself and tell myself that God loves me and that I haven’t committed mortal sins and that I’m okay and that Jesus is okay with me…

You are not lying to yourself if you tell yourself these things, but affirming God’s love for you. And yes, you are OK. You have confessed your sins, and God has been faithful to forgive your sins. When either the Enemy or your own conscience tells you you aren’t OK, you can tell them that you refuse to believe it because of the promises of God. Even if you have to tell yourself this 100 times a day. Refuse to believe the lie and banish it.

but after a few days everything gets cut off and the lies don’t work and so I’m in complete despair from like Wednesday until Saturday confessions. I went 2 weeks ago to my favorite priest and told him about my problem and as my penance he told me to talk to God and so I did and I was a little assured, but then here I am. I’ve felt this before, and it always happens when I start getting really close to the faith, and it has reached a point to where I don’t even know who God is. And I’m so scared that I will get to that place again because I would cry myself to sleep and couldn’t breathe and it was horrible. I don’t know where to go from here.

It is when we get closer to our faith that we scare the Enemy and he doubles the attack against us. Just tell him to get lost. Refuse to listen. It’s really hard, but you do have the power through Christ. It’s a spiritual battle that we fight, and we need to fight it spiritually.

And as the others have said, perhaps you need outside help also.

I’ll say some prayers for you.

 

[3DOCTORS]

First of all know you are not alone in the least. Many of us have gone through similar struggles. The anxiety at times can make you feel almost sick. God wants us to be confident in His mercy, and doubts and scruples can really be roadblocks. The good news is they can be helped. Peace can be regained and trust in God’s mercy will grow.

I hope you will be able to find a good confessor with experience helping the scrupulous, and if need be a good counselor as well. In the meantime I recommend Father Thomas Santa’s book Understanding Scrupulosity and the Scrupulous Anonymous website. CAF also has a social group for OCD and scrupulosity.