V
Vero123
Guest
Hello,
It is for the first time when I’m writing on a forum of this type. Yes, I must admit that I haven’t had enough courage to do it for more than three years. I am in a difficult situation. I’ve been in a relationship for more than six years. My partner is catholic. I am Christian Orthodox – Eastern European Christian like Serbians , Greeks, Russians and so on…
I’v e met my partner in a country where both of us decided to live and work (a country which is different than our origins).When I’d met him , he was married ( civil – at the town hall) with a catholic person who did not live in the country where we settled. Their civil ceremony was a secretive one …so no one knew about it …it was a kind of agreement and it was officialised in Cyprus ( ‘a kind of Las Vegas – get married in 5 minutes’).
I would like to say from the beginning that I am a faithful person. I did not want to cause problems to anyone. I refused categorically to be involved in a relationship with him because I knew that he was married.I asked for the divorce. He said that he married that person only for sorting out his papers, the right of having an EU residency . I remember that he even called that person in front of me to tell her about the divorce , highlighting the fact that there is only a friendship relation between him and her so that that person kindly tried to help him by doing a charitable act .He said that she only wanted to facilitate his right to work in Europe – as a friend.
I did believe his story so that I started to date him. After a year I found out that it was ‘more than a charitable act’…it was a proper relationship…so he lied …Well, I am not in the position to judge anyone but from that moment something was broken.I’ve been focused on my work , on my studies.I’ve tried to ignore my affective side …to deny it….We still live in the same house, yes…in the same room, the same bed…There is nothing between us…It just’ friendship’…We haven’t acted like a couple for more than three years. He helps me in the house, he contributes with money for the house expenses, he is a good listener…but not more than this. When I said this story to some people, they didn’t believe me that we don’t have private life… so far we’ve managed to survive…and it’s very painful…
However, he got the divorce only last year…That person did not help him with the visa , with anything…although she promised to him that she would do it…I facilitated his settlement in this country so that he’s got the right to live and work in Europe. He became my civil partner - for this I had to prove that I’ve been in a durable relationship for more than 2 years…with statements…contracts etc…
The problem is that at the beginning of this year we had a serious conversation about the future of our relationship. I want to have my family , to be married in the church and in front of the society, to have my kids , to find a balance in my life. Also, I must say that during all these 6 years I’ve never cheated on him. I was dedicated to my work , studies and house.I asked about the possible existence of ‘a third person’ but he denied this…….His answer was…:’Vero, I am thinking seriously to become priest (a catholic)….Why don’t you understand???’
It is true that he’s got strong ties with his faith . Also, his mom works in a catholic church (hr). All his family is catholic. They are very faithful (like my family).However, my partner doesn’t go often to church for the mass. Despite of this, I notice that when we went together to the catholic church, he really enjoyed it.
During these years of being together, he has gone to different pilgrimages , visiting catholic monasteries. He went even to South America – to Peru. He’s got religious books. Sometimes his mom sends him books , brochures . I like to read them as well. Sometime he likes to fast for Easter, Christmas… well, I come from a family who like to fast …so I am somehow close to this subject…
However, I think there is a thing to be faithful and a different one to be a catholic priest (somehow ‘the equivalent’ to a monk in the Christian- Orthodox world ).You will dedicate all your life to Jesus (God).
If he wants to become a priest I don’t oppose him although it hurts me a lot .I don’t fight against this admirable will….But, if he says it just to ‘make me soft’…in order to take advantage of me? What criterion should I use in order to find out if he says or not the Truth ?
First of all, he doesn’t have theological studies .He’s got only the high school completed although he is 37…!!!
The catholic priest should have not been married previously ….=> He was married – civil ( not in the church) .Will that civil ceremony be taken into account?(As I said – it was not officialised in the church!) …He’s got a divorce decree. That decree is based on adultery…His so ‘called civil wife’ didn’t accept any other forms of separation …and this was the only method to make her to sign. I think these are very bad thing …even if the initial situation was that ‘the wife’ wanted to lend a helping hand to sort out the immigration documentation for him….
Where is that so called chastity …There is no chastity…in the past. Can the past be deleted for someone who wants to become a catholic priest?
I am very confused …and to be honest …I don’t know how to deal with him. If he wants to be priest I would like to help him but I don’t know how. I do care about him.As an orthodox (eastern Christian)I know that you can’t become priest if you are unmarried …it is exactly the opposite situation…
I would really , really appreciate if you could help me with a piece of advice.
Many thanks ,
Vero123
It is for the first time when I’m writing on a forum of this type. Yes, I must admit that I haven’t had enough courage to do it for more than three years. I am in a difficult situation. I’ve been in a relationship for more than six years. My partner is catholic. I am Christian Orthodox – Eastern European Christian like Serbians , Greeks, Russians and so on…
I’v e met my partner in a country where both of us decided to live and work (a country which is different than our origins).When I’d met him , he was married ( civil – at the town hall) with a catholic person who did not live in the country where we settled. Their civil ceremony was a secretive one …so no one knew about it …it was a kind of agreement and it was officialised in Cyprus ( ‘a kind of Las Vegas – get married in 5 minutes’).
I would like to say from the beginning that I am a faithful person. I did not want to cause problems to anyone. I refused categorically to be involved in a relationship with him because I knew that he was married.I asked for the divorce. He said that he married that person only for sorting out his papers, the right of having an EU residency . I remember that he even called that person in front of me to tell her about the divorce , highlighting the fact that there is only a friendship relation between him and her so that that person kindly tried to help him by doing a charitable act .He said that she only wanted to facilitate his right to work in Europe – as a friend.
I did believe his story so that I started to date him. After a year I found out that it was ‘more than a charitable act’…it was a proper relationship…so he lied …Well, I am not in the position to judge anyone but from that moment something was broken.I’ve been focused on my work , on my studies.I’ve tried to ignore my affective side …to deny it….We still live in the same house, yes…in the same room, the same bed…There is nothing between us…It just’ friendship’…We haven’t acted like a couple for more than three years. He helps me in the house, he contributes with money for the house expenses, he is a good listener…but not more than this. When I said this story to some people, they didn’t believe me that we don’t have private life… so far we’ve managed to survive…and it’s very painful…
However, he got the divorce only last year…That person did not help him with the visa , with anything…although she promised to him that she would do it…I facilitated his settlement in this country so that he’s got the right to live and work in Europe. He became my civil partner - for this I had to prove that I’ve been in a durable relationship for more than 2 years…with statements…contracts etc…
The problem is that at the beginning of this year we had a serious conversation about the future of our relationship. I want to have my family , to be married in the church and in front of the society, to have my kids , to find a balance in my life. Also, I must say that during all these 6 years I’ve never cheated on him. I was dedicated to my work , studies and house.I asked about the possible existence of ‘a third person’ but he denied this…….His answer was…:’Vero, I am thinking seriously to become priest (a catholic)….Why don’t you understand???’
It is true that he’s got strong ties with his faith . Also, his mom works in a catholic church (hr). All his family is catholic. They are very faithful (like my family).However, my partner doesn’t go often to church for the mass. Despite of this, I notice that when we went together to the catholic church, he really enjoyed it.
During these years of being together, he has gone to different pilgrimages , visiting catholic monasteries. He went even to South America – to Peru. He’s got religious books. Sometimes his mom sends him books , brochures . I like to read them as well. Sometime he likes to fast for Easter, Christmas… well, I come from a family who like to fast …so I am somehow close to this subject…
However, I think there is a thing to be faithful and a different one to be a catholic priest (somehow ‘the equivalent’ to a monk in the Christian- Orthodox world ).You will dedicate all your life to Jesus (God).
If he wants to become a priest I don’t oppose him although it hurts me a lot .I don’t fight against this admirable will….But, if he says it just to ‘make me soft’…in order to take advantage of me? What criterion should I use in order to find out if he says or not the Truth ?
First of all, he doesn’t have theological studies .He’s got only the high school completed although he is 37…!!!
The catholic priest should have not been married previously ….=> He was married – civil ( not in the church) .Will that civil ceremony be taken into account?(As I said – it was not officialised in the church!) …He’s got a divorce decree. That decree is based on adultery…His so ‘called civil wife’ didn’t accept any other forms of separation …and this was the only method to make her to sign. I think these are very bad thing …even if the initial situation was that ‘the wife’ wanted to lend a helping hand to sort out the immigration documentation for him….
Where is that so called chastity …There is no chastity…in the past. Can the past be deleted for someone who wants to become a catholic priest?
I am very confused …and to be honest …I don’t know how to deal with him. If he wants to be priest I would like to help him but I don’t know how. I do care about him.As an orthodox (eastern Christian)I know that you can’t become priest if you are unmarried …it is exactly the opposite situation…
I would really , really appreciate if you could help me with a piece of advice.
Many thanks ,
Vero123
! There will be a day…soon…
…Who knows…maybe he says…a different story…