How can I forgive?

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shanishani7

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My father passed away just 2 years ago. The house was sold a few years ago and I dont know where the money has gone.

My brother was not living with us, and had borrowed a lot of money for his own purpose from the financial companies these years. He had a lot of debt, and asked my mother to help him to borrow money to cover his debt, for many times. And my mother helped him again and again, because my brother said he would return later. Until one day my mother had a lot of debt and unable to pay and applied for bankcruptcy.

My mother asked her brothers and sisters to borrow for him, told them he will return.

My mother even forced me to lend him money but I only lend him 2 times, but still never return any money to me even now.

Those financial people came to our home (bcoz i am living with my mother) to chase for the money. We had to move house and rent a house. That affected me emotionally also!!

Now my brother disappeared for a year already, he is not willing to return money to my mother, all relatives and me! and not willing to see my mother. My mother has lost everything, including her relationship with her brothers and sisters, and all money, and her son. And damaged relationship with me.

We have financial problems (I am living with her) now, and I always blame her on this and quarrel with her on this matter. That matter (my brother cheat us all money) has affected me emotionally and worry a lot, and i feel hopeless and helpless all the time that I always have suicidal thoughts. And God does not help me! Why?

My mother is very old, 65 already. And my brother cheat her all money, how can a person do that to his own mother? why is my brother that evil?

My mother now needs to work 12 hours a day to support our living, and I have a job but not high salary.

I have a lot of rage to my brother and my mother, and I don’t know how to handle this and I cannot forgive… Please can anyone teach me how to forgive?

At least I dont want that matter to affect me emotionally!!

Please pray for me and my mother if possible…
 
I would read the parable of the prodigal son. Note that the father forgives his son in spite of all…when he returns repentant. I would say you are within your rights to hold a certain degree of ill-feeling towards your brother in this situation until he returns and asks for your forgiveness. And attempts to make some degree of restitution.

Praying for your intentions…

O God, the Creator and Preserver of all mankind, we humbly beseech thee for all sorts and conditions of men. We commend to thy fatherly goodness all those, who are any ways afflicted or distressed in mind, body, or estate; especially those for whom our prayers are desired; that it may please thee to comfort and relieve them, according to their several necessities, giving them patience under their sufferings, and a happy issue out of all their afflictions. And this we beg for Jesus Christ his sake. Amen.
 
Forgiveness is difficult.

One thing that may help is to recognize when you feel bad because of emotional attachment to things which you have lost. Of course you need money or material things to live well and to be secure, and you must continue to provide for your own material needs and the needs of your mother. However, try not to think about lost money or lost property. Do not think too long about how things should have been. Instead, start from your present situation and try to find small ways to improve things from where you are right now. That is not forgiveness, but it may bring you to a point where you can begin to forgive.

I am praying for you and your mother, and also praying that God will provide spiritual help for your brother.
 
I am truly sorry for your problems, and know that I am praying for you and your family.

Please keeping praying. Even though it may not feel like it, I promise you God will never abandon you, and he loves you more than you know. Pray that you can forgive, pray for healing, and pray for peace in your family.

For what it’s worth, whenever I feel overwhelmed or I don’t understand God’s plan, I focus on this simple prayer: “Lord, thy will be done.”

Also know that Jesus knows what it feels like to be overwhelmed. Remember his prayer to the Father in the garden: “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet, not as I will, but as you will.” (Mathew 26:39)

And whenever I feel abandoned, I reflect on Jesus’s words from Mathew 28:20: And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age.
 
I am very sorry this happened to you.

The way to forgive is to realize that God is on your side and the suffering you are going through has value to Him and is not wasted- in this life, or the next.

If you don’t forgive in your heart, your brother is still punishing you-but in another way. Pray for your brother and mom and the grace to forgive- Then pray the next day, and the next-- In other words- take one day of forgiveness at at time until it is a permanent forgiveness.

You have to train your mind and ask for the grace to focus on the new beginnings for yourself and all the blessings you have now. Take your mind off of this tragedy and move forward. We are called to set our minds on things above and not below.

For matters like this too it often helps to speak with a priest as well and a medical doctor if you are having suicidal thoughts and it becomes too difficult for you.

The Divine Mercy Chaplet, Rosary, and meditation on Christ’s passion has helped me when my thoughts were going negative and towards unforgiveness.
 
Hi OP
Wow you sure have a lot on your plate. I would say “hope” is the key word for you.
Plus it’s easy, just hope that someday your brother will be better. It’s a bummer about the money but in the end, his and yours and your mothers lives are way more important.
Mostly hope for yourself and that you too will find peace within yourself. I don’t like you mentioning suicide, because that is not the answer, people love you. I love you.

Forgiveness will come in time.
 
This is all very sad. But this is why sometimes we can love better by saying no. Your mother has made bad choices that I am sure she feels very bad about. She will have to live with the problems from these choices. But she is also a victim of (probably) a very mean man who happens to be your brother.

You can and should feel mad at your brother; he seems to think the world needs to give him everything. That is not a way to live and he will have many problems in his life because of it.

You may need to find some way to forgive your mother. Remember forgiveness is for mostly for YOU. Part of that forgiveness is understanding that, your mother may have made it difficult, but you still made the choice to give your brother the money (unless she stole it).

I will also say, if you can, find some way to live a life away from your family. It seems to be very unhealthy. Please visit them, but you need much healing in your life. That won’t start until you are not a part of this situation.

Please understand that I am not trying to be mean, it’s just honestly what needs to be done from what I can see. God Bless you!!
 
Our Lord, when hanging on the Cross while being tortured, was able to ask our Father to forgive His persecutors. I think, if our Lord, under those circumstances, wanted there to be mercy and forgiveness, then we need to do all we can to ask for the same–for us, and for others.
 
If someone is 65 and in good health, that isn’t “old” theses days. Your own mental health and welfare have already been affected. You will not thrive until you remove yourself from the situation You will not tend to forgive until you see with clearer eyes. As the other responder has said; move. There are many agancyes out there to assist you. Your parents were slightly dysfunctional, as are a lot of parents who think they must take care of their children until death do us part, esp. with first born sons.

Consider this; Your brother may be deceased or in jail. If either one may be true you need to grieve or move on. Also, you were living with your parents too and continue to live with your mother or that is the impression from your post. Nothing is clear from your post so it is difficult to give good advice. See your priest and Catholic Charites. The American Red Cross and/or the Salvation Army may be able to help find your brother. You can also Google his name and perhaps find his most recent known address. I will pray for your situation and that you will forgiveness for all of your family. It starts in the heart. Peace and prayers.
 
I’m really sorry you’re facing the problems you are.

You can forgive by remembering that if your brother - or mother - were the only person on earth, Christ would have still died for him or her. Both are children of God and loved dearly by him. Love them, too, pray for them.

Your mother is not old, only middle-aged. Please do not argue with her, though, over your brother. He is her child, too.

God bless you.
 
Mary_Estelle said:
If someone is 65 and in good health, that isn’t “old” theses days. Your own mental health and welfare have already been affected. You will not thrive until you remove yourself from the situation You will not tend to forgive until you see with clearer eyes. As the other responder has said; move. There are many agancyes out there to assist you. Your parents were slightly dysfunctional, as are a lot of parents who think they must take care of their children until death do us part, esp. with first born sons.

Consider this; Your brother may be deceased or in jail. If either one may be true you need to grieve or move on. Also, you were living with your parents too and continue to live with your mother or that is the impression from your post. Nothing is clear from your post so it is difficult to give good advice. See your priest and Catholic Charites. The American Red Cross and/or the Salvation Army may be able to help find your brother. You can also Google his name and perhaps find his most recent known address. I will pray for your situation and that you will forgiveness for all of your family. It starts in the heart. Peace and prayers.
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Really good advice. I hope the OP takes it to heart.
 
I haven’t paid attention to most of the responses, but I do want to congratulate you on your awesome attitude. After everything you have been through all you have is a humble request to learn to forgive. How generous. You are an inspiration to me !
 
Forgiveness is not saying that what he did was ok. Nor does it mean trusting the person who hurt you. Trust is earned. Forgiveness is letting go of the hatred and the anger so you can move on with your life. The only one unforgiveness is hurting is yourself. You are not hurting the perpetrator by holding on to bitterness. You need God’s help. Go to the Sacrament of Confession and ask God to give you the grace to let go and move on with your life. You will find your peace in Jesus.

We want God to forgive us of our sins. Yet we are not willing to forgive others? Have you never sinned? Have you never been forgiven? Do unto others what you would want yourself. You can forgive when you realize you are a sinner in need of forgiveness too.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Mt 6:33)

“But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Mt 6:15)
 
fisherman_carl said:
Forgiveness is not saying that what he did was ok. Nor does it mean trusting the person who hurt you. Trust is earned. Forgiveness is letting go of the hatred and the anger so you can move on with your life. The only one unforgiveness is hurting is yourself. You are not hurting the perpetrator by holding on to bitterness. You need God’s help. Go to the Sacrament of Confession and ask God to give you the grace to let go and move on with your life. You will find your peace in Jesus.

We want God to forgive us of our sins. Yet we are not willing to forgive others? Have you never sinned? Have you never been forgiven? Do unto others what you would want yourself. You can forgive when you realize you are a sinner in need of forgiveness too.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Mt 6:33)

“But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Mt 6:15)
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