How can I get my husband to help out around the house more?

[Peace-bwu]

redtech:

you guys all had very good suggestions. Thank you!

I never nag him (or try not to)

I also never tell him WHEN to do something, I just ask that he please do such and such today before DD goes to bed. He tends to do stuff loud and DD is a light sleeper. They rarely do get done the same day I ask though.

Some of your responses made me chuckle. I’d love to just tell him its his turn to do something and take the remote and sit down but the man’s got a death grip on that remote! He would honestly wrestle me to the ground to get it back…

DD being in daycare used to bother me as well but DD loves it there and they will charge us for a whole day even if she’s only there briefly. (nice…)

I will try as many of these suggestions as I can pack in. He will be overwhelmed! My favorite is to sweep the toys in the corner and throw a blanket over it!

For added entertainment, hide the remote (in a place he will never find it) and watch how much work he does, heck, he might even break a sweat, looking for the remote. For added fun, hide it in a place where when he finishes cleaning, he will find it, if there is such a place!

I have found that if I can relax and laugh about life it makes the annoying things much easier to bear.

Also, I’m not a fan of Shania Twain, but she has a perfect song for you to play for your husband in the evenings. “HONEY I’m home”

Honey Im home and I’ve had a bad day
Pour me a cold one and OH by the way
Get off my feet give me somethin’ to eat
IFix me up my favorite treat.
I need to relax and watch tv.

anyway, it’s funny. It’ll make you laugh. Turn it on and dance for him with yoru big ole preggo belly with your daughter, he might even join in the action!

 

[vluvski]

No one else has said this, but you need to get your daughter in on the cleaning, too. My dad was always picking up after us, and I can’t clean or tidy worth a darn. Now some of this is probably predisposition, but your daughter will thank you when she has developed the good habit of cleaning up after herself.

 

[Peace-bwu]

vluvski:

No one else has said this, but you need to get your daughter in on the cleaning, too. My dad was always picking up after us, and I can’t clean or tidy worth a darn. Now some of this is probably predisposition, but your daughter will thank you when she has developed the good habit of cleaning up after herself.

Yes this is good advice if you don’t already do it. We set a timer (egg or kitchen stove) and they play “race the clock” Make sure there is a bin box or other place for everything. We started this when my first child was old enough to walk and put toys in her toy box. My kids also enjoy dusting, and now my 8yro can run the vacuum, do dishes and even cook with supervision. We pay her an allowance to clean her room because she shares with 3 yo sis and so carries most of the weight of cleaning her room. It all started with “Beat the clock” game.

Now the whole family gets into the action and we play “beat the clock” after dinner before bed. That way we wake up to a clean house, fresh for the trashing and nobody feels resentful for doing it all. Now if my husband has had a rough day and gets home late, he is exempt from “beat the clock” It gets the work done quickly and it gives me permission to save perfection for later. We also have a set cleaning day where we do the things that don’t need to be done everyday.

Sometimes after a successful “beat the clock” we have a cookie, or extra bedtime story, or on extra special occasions (friday or saturday evening) we pop some popcorn and have a family movie theater night, all cuddled up under a blanket on the couch. It turns the ordinary into something majical and fun.

 

[dulcissima]

I’m glad to see that you have received some good advice on this topic, redtech, because about all I had to offer was that it generally works to wait until he coincidentally does something that you need him to do. I find that this plan works a little better than psychically willing him to help, although that defininitely works better than asking for help. That never works in my house.

Sorry, I’m a little melancholy this morning. Trying to work through it with a little humor.

 

[Peace-bwu]

contemplative:

Could sending him this link help inspire him?

This cracked me up, but I got to thinking, it is unbelieveably realistic. AS soon as he finishes a cleaning task, it is quickly undone… just like real life!

 

[redtech]

Peace-bwu:

This cracked me up, but I got to thinking, it is unbelieveably realistic. AS soon as he finishes a cleaning task, it is quickly undone… just like real life!

I noticed that too. The way he smiled when he did stuff also cracked me up.

Peace-BWU - You have some really good suggestions. I’ll have to download that song and do a dance for him.

DD does help me pick up sometimes. If she dumps out a bin of blocks, I always make her put the blocks back before she starts on something else. When we do just a general pick up all the toys and put them in the toybox she’s good for a few minutes until she finds a toy that she needs to play with right then and gets distracted! Its a start.

There have been a few times when I’ve been vaccuming and mad and just barked at DH to pick up all those toys before I get in there and he will jump right up and say “Yes ma’am!” But I really don’t like to bark at him.

I was having some horrible pains last night and he was planning to go to a basketball game in another town. I’m not sure what was happening but I think someone gave my fetus a dagger and he was trying to get out through my belly button. So my DH actually decided to stay home and he made a little dinner and let me sit on the couch all evening. He didn’t clean anything but at least he helped out and kept DD occupied! I gave DD a bath and he put her to bed so I could go to bed early too.

 

[Black_Jaque]

This has been a new tactic that I’ve employed with my wife whenever I’m dissatisfied with the way she is handling something. Rather than degrade her I challenge her to live up to being a woman/wife/mother. Give honor to the position of the station that your spouse holds, then point out what it is that is expected from people who occupy that position.

I’ve only recently started to use it and I’ve noticed some interesting effects. One, when I put the challenge out, it makes me realize that I am insisting that she raise her level of self-sacrifice. Something that is good for me to acknowlege.

Then, just yesterday, I was the receiver of a similar challenge. I was told, “as head of the household you just may have to do that.”

Wow! That hit me deep inside. It showed how she viewed me, it had a tone of respect, while having an expectation that I needed to live up to.

So rather than rolling your eyes and saying, “what a man” as if you didn’t expect much because men are inherently weak. Say something like, “you’re the man of the house, you might try acting like it.”

Your job is to help him be the best man he can be. Sometimes you gotta be the cheerleader, sometimes ya gotta be the coach.

 

[puzzleannie]

redtech:

Ok. First off, I haven’t actually asked him for help yet.

As it stands right now, his only 3 jobs are to:
empty the dishwasher (2 days after I ask - dishes are piled up)
take out the trash (always overflowing onto the floor and stinking)
clean the litter box (the cat goes outside now because he never does it)

I do everything else and we have a 2 year old and I’m 7 months pregnant. I’m getting TIRED.

I work full time and he’s a farmer so right now, they work about 2 hours a day then he’s home. 2 year old is in daycare all day. When he gets home from work, he parks his butt in his recliner and watches tv ALL day and ALL evening. ch

I would like to know what kind of crop he is growing because all the farmers around here, and where I come from work 10-12 hours a day (in the off season).

1. ask, don’t nag, don’t whine, sit down when you both have free time and the kids are asleep, go over everything that needs to be done to keep the family going–including work, Church–and decide what you do, what he does, what you do together.
2. be honest about your resentment and feelings, if you don’t it is going to jump up and bite you some day, there will be a huge nuclear attack and he won’t know what the problem is, “you never told me you were unhappy”
3. while you are having this friendly discussion talk about what is important in life, what are your goals what are you working for–the number one priority ought to be for your mutual sanctification and for the procreation and education of children.
4. once you have established what his jobs are, don’t nag, don’t criticize, don’t do it if he neglects it, don’t do it over if you don’t like the way he does it.

 

[redtech]

PuzzleAnnie,
Thanks for the advice,

The staple crops in our area are Corn, Soybeans, and Wheat. Some people will occasionally grow Milo. There are a few horsemen in the area so you might also see a few small fields of clover. (one of my DH’s fields is in a flood plain and floods almost every year. He tried planting rice there once as a joke but it didn’t work out)

My husband has ground of his own but he also works as a farm hand. That farm has some cows. Right now, all their doing is feeding the cows every morning and that hardly takes any time at all. (they’re not dairy) Pretty soon, they will start tilling their fields and they will be working longer but usually no more than 8 hours unless we’ve got rain coming and they want to finish the field.

Honestly, right now, all the farmers hang out at the elevator drinking cokes and gossiping or sitting at the diner and drinking cokes and gossiping. They’ll be getting busy in another month or so.