How can I help my bisexual friend?

[starchick21]

Okay, so my friend and I are both college freshmen this year. She told me she was bisexual a few months ago, and naturally, as a Catholic, I’m very worried about her. She’s been one of my closest friends since the beginning of high school, and it bothers me to see how she actively pursues girls in addition to guys. The thing is, she’s Catholic as well (she even goes to church every Sunday), and I don’t understand how she can blatantly go against Church teaching like this. She understands my position on the whole issue, and she likes the fact that I’m not mean about it.

What else can I do to help her? I’ve prayed for her, and explained to her how men and women complement each other and bring something new to the table, and how essential that is to raising children. However, she just believes that “love is love”, regardless of gender. Every time she tells me about a girl she’s talking to, I can’t help but feel upset. This is not what God wants for her, and I’m scared to bring the subject up again because I don’t want to lose her as a friend. I should also add that she had 3 boyfriends in high school, and all of them were jerks. But honestly, just because those 3 were jerks, doesn’t mean all guys are. She also gets attached way too easily to anyone she likes.

 

[pianistclare]

I would encourage her to read the catechism about what the Church teaches about premarital sex. Unless she studies for herself, and reads it herself, she’s not likely gong to be moved. Her line “love is love” is ridiculous. Sex is not love. It can be an expression of love in a marriage yes. But she’s not pursuing “love” by any definition. She is fooling her self.
I’m sure there are those here that can recommend great books to read, and I look forward to seeing their posts. Continue to pray for her, but your vocabulary isn’t compatible yet. She won’t “get” what you’re saying until she begins to understand what God thinks about it.
His opinion is really the only one that counts, eh?
God bless you for caring so much about her. She’s lucky to have you for a friend. Continue to be a vessel of the truth.

 

[dmar198]

Okay, so my friend and I are both college freshmen this year. She told me she was bisexual a few months ago, and naturally, as a Catholic, I’m very worried about her. She’s been one of my closest friends since the beginning of high school, and it bothers me to see how she actively pursues girls in addition to guys. The thing is, she’s Catholic as well (she even goes to church every Sunday), and I don’t understand how she can blatantly go against Church teaching like this. She understands my position on the whole issue, and she likes the fact that I’m not mean about it.

What else can I do to help her? I’ve prayed for her, and explained to her how men and women complement each other and bring something new to the table, and how essential that is to raising children. However, she just believes that “love is love”, regardless of gender. Every time she tells me about a girl she’s talking to, I can’t help but feel upset. This is not what God wants for her, and I’m scared to bring the subject up again because I don’t want to lose her as a friend. I should also add that she had 3 boyfriends in high school, and all of them were jerks. But honestly, just because those 3 were jerks, doesn’t mean all guys are. She also gets attached way too easily to anyone she likes.

One thing you could do is offer her a video about the Catholic teaching on sexuality. Two examples that come to mind are “The Third Way” and “Desire of the Everlasting Hills.” These two videos interview Catholics with same-sex attraction as they explain the Church’s teaching, defend it, and talk about how they have found true joy and fulfillment in the Church. You could just tell your friend, “I thought this was interesting, I thought you might like it.” Then ask her what she thought about it next time you see her.

I hope that helps. God bless!

 

[Lou2U]

I would encourage her to read the catechism about what the Church teaches about premarital sex. Unless she studies for herself, and reads it herself, she’s not likely gong to be moved.

The OP doesn’t mention anything about premarital sex, so this may not be as effective as hoped.

I am agnostic, so feel free to take my advice with a pinch of salt but what you should do?
Talk to her.
If you feel uncomfortable with her talking about girls in a romantic way, gently let her know that you don’t mean to hurt her but you would prefer not to know. If this upsets her, then there’s not a lot you can do - you have to be honest otherwise your friendship will suffer. Try not to condemn her for going against the teachings of the Church (not that I’m saying you are ). As posted above, you could suggest she reads upon this subject but make sure you do not alienate her in the process. She still needs to feel as though you’re her friend even if you do not agree with some of the choices she is making.

Lou

 

[Emily2014]

Wonder how old you both are. It’s quite normal for young people to be ambivalent about their sexual orientation, especially if they tend to “go overboard” with intensity in all friendships.
Whatever she decides, it is HER decision and unless she seeks your opinion try not to give it. Her Catholic Faith is between her and God. Suggest that you leave that as a private part of her life. As her friend, you owe her loyalty and respect unless she is doing anything to harm anyone else.
God bless you both.

 

[robwar]

Okay, so my friend and I are both college freshmen this year. She told me she was bisexual a few months ago, and naturally, as a Catholic, I’m very worried about her. She’s been one of my closest friends since the beginning of high school, and it bothers me to see how she actively pursues girls in addition to guys. The thing is, she’s Catholic as well (she even goes to church every Sunday), and I don’t understand how she can blatantly go against Church teaching like this. She understands my position on the whole issue, and she likes the fact that I’m not mean about it.

What else can I do to help her? I’ve prayed for her, and explained to her how men and women complement each other and bring something new to the table, and how essential that is to raising children. However, she just believes that “love is love”, regardless of gender. Every time she tells me about a girl she’s talking to, I can’t help but feel upset. This is not what God wants for her, and I’m scared to bring the subject up again because I don’t want to lose her as a friend. I should also add that she had 3 boyfriends in high school, and all of them were jerks. But honestly, just because those 3 were jerks, doesn’t mean all guys are. She also gets attached way too easily to anyone she likes.

some things are not clear here. Does she know your concern? Likewise, I’m not sure how she is your “closest” friend when she is “pursuing” girls like guys. Something doesn’t add up here. Either, you tell her how you feel about her so called choices and take the risk of lossing the friendship or you start to look for friends that are more faithful to Church teaching on morality. I know I couldn’t be a “best friend” with someone that lived a “bisexual lifestyle”. Close friends are based a mutual common shared values which in what you have described here, isn’t common shared values at all. Again this doesn’t add up.

 

[pianistclare]

The OP doesn’t mention anything about premarital sex, so this may not be as effective as hoped.

I am agnostic, so feel free to take my advice with a pinch of salt but what you should do?
Talk to her.
If you feel uncomfortable with her talking about girls in a romantic way, gently let her know that you don’t mean to hurt her but you would prefer not to know. If this upsets her, then there’s not a lot you can do - you have to be honest otherwise your friendship will suffer. Try not to condemn her for going against the teachings of the Church (not that I’m saying you are ). As posted above, you could suggest she reads upon this subject but make sure you do not alienate her in the process. She still needs to feel as though you’re her friend even if you do not agree with some of the choices she is making.

Lou

So you think she’s bi-sexual in her marriage? Any sex outside of marriage is not permitted.
It’s not so much about same sex attraction right now. She needs to not be sexually active.
Period. If she’s married? Even worse.

 

[ClearWater]

Okay, so my friend and I are both college freshmen this year. She told me she was bisexual a few months ago, and naturally, as a Catholic, I’m very worried about her. She’s been one of my closest friends since the beginning of high school, and it bothers me to see how she actively pursues girls in addition to guys. The thing is, she’s Catholic as well (she even goes to church every Sunday), and I don’t understand how she can blatantly go against Church teaching like this. She understands my position on the whole issue, and she likes the fact that I’m not mean about it.

What else can I do to help her? I’ve prayed for her, and explained to her how men and women complement each other and bring something new to the table, and how essential that is to raising children. However, she just believes that “love is love”, regardless of gender. Every time she tells me about a girl she’s talking to, I can’t help but feel upset. This is not what God wants for her, and I’m scared to bring the subject up again because I don’t want to lose her as a friend. I should also add that she had 3 boyfriends in high school, and all of them were jerks. But honestly, just because those 3 were jerks, doesn’t mean all guys are. She also gets attached way too easily to anyone she likes.

I think the best way to help would be to lead by example.

I really doubt you will change her by trying to persuade her. I think she already knows the Church´s position but has been ignoring it.

You have probably already done all you can. If you want to continue, then just continue to pray for her. I think that´s about all you can really do.

 

[Lou2U]

So you think she’s bi-sexual in her marriage? Any sex outside of marriage is not permitted.
It’s not so much about same sex attraction right now. She needs to not be sexually active.
Period. If she’s married? Even worse.

I don’t see anywhere in the OP’s post that states her friend is sexually active. Likewise, I see nowhere that states she is married. I did not indicate anywhere in my post that I believed she was. I said that reading about premarital sex may not be effective as the OP’s friend could not be having sexual relations.

Please re-read my post and see that what I have tried to do is advise the OP about feeling uncomfortable with her friend’s bisexuality, not argue about whether someone is having premarital sex.

Lou

 

[pianistclare]

I don’t see anywhere in the OP’s post that states her friend is sexually active. Likewise, I see nowhere that states she is married. I did not indicate anywhere in my post that I believed she was. I said that reading about premarital sex may not be effective as the OP’s friend could not be having sexual relations.

Please re-read my post and see that what I have tried to do is advise the OP about feeling uncomfortable with her friend’s bisexuality, not argue about whether someone is having premarital sex.

Lou

Well, when a person says that her friend is actively pursuing people of the opposite sex as well as men…and her friend says that love is love???
It’s not a stretch to think that she means some sort of intimate activity, not just friendship. Friendship is not sinful in any way. Why would the OP be concerned if they just had male and female friends?
Perhaps the OP will clarify. If the problem was simply flirting, I would think she would have just said that. No?

 

[Lou2U]

Well, when a person says that her friend is actively pursuing people of the opposite sex as well as men…and her friend says that love is love???
It’s not a stretch to think that she means some sort of intimate activity, not just friendship. Friendship is not sinful in any way. Why would the OP be concerned if they just had male and female friends?
Perhaps the OP will clarify. If the problem was simply flirting, I would think she would have just said that. No?

I think we have different definitions of ‘actively pursuing’ a person. I tend to think more of romantically pursuing a person rather than sexually, but maybe that’s just me anyway, intimate activity does not always mean premarital sex although I know that any type of romantic intimacy goes against Church teachings if it is with a person of the same sex.

Obviously, the OP is talking about more than friendship otherwise they would not be so worried.Maybe the OP’s friend is doing more than just flirting but as I said before, intimacy does not always equal sex.

 

[starchick21]

I’m going to clarify. My friend has said that she doesn’t care who she falls for, and that it doesn’t matter if it’s a guy or girl. I just wanted to know how I can talk to her about these things. Also, she’s not sexually active, as far as I know.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

I’m going to clarify. My friend has said that she doesn’t care who she falls for, and that it doesn’t matter if it’s a guy or girl. I just wanted to know how I can talk to her about these things. Also, she’s not sexually active, as far as I know.

I’m not bisexual but I’m certainly the type to not care about how I’m perceived. (Nope, not even the Church anymore.)

So speaking as such a fiercely independent chap myself, the best way you can tell such a person why something is a bad idea really is…

You don’t.

From my experience, any attempt to reason against my own decisions and my own judgments will be ignored or worse, aggressively silenced. Live your own life and let your friend live hers. People who really don’t care for what also tend to not fear.

So really, what can you do to someone who no longer has such fear? I’m pretty lapsed myself and if you were to try and dissuade me, the only thing I will say to your face is: “I accept the terms of your surrender. ”