How can I keep my faith strong?

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Angels_Eyes

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Please some advice…I am catholic, my husband is a lapsed catholic and my children attend a catholic school but are now aged 13 & 14 and their faith has fallen.

My husband often makes fun of my faith, the rolling of the eyes, saying things like, oh here she goes again to the kids. Often I would laugh and not think much of it but tonight I was really hurt and drawn to tears (while alone in the kitchen, as you do!). I have realised that now my children kind of make fun of me too. They no longer attend mass with me, and I only generally go every fortnight or my husband says things like…oh, going again, you went last week. I try to reach out to my children sometimes, without wanting to push it all too much. Tonight I read them some beautiful, inspirational stories from the ‘Chicken Soup for the Soul - Living Catholic Faith’. At the end my son said, oh what was that mum I wasn’t listening. It just broke my heart.

How can I continue my faith when no one in my home seems to support me? I have been strong for so long, how can I go on like this?
 
You need to sit down with your husband and tell him in no uncertain terms that he is to stop making fun of your faith, especially in front of your children. And then call him out whenever he does it. It’s utterly rude and disrespectful of him.
 
Don’t worry too much, it’s normal for teenagers to not care for religion for a while, because it’s ‘uncool’ or they simply are just skeptical of it. They will come back, but not without you and your husband’s guidance.

Talk to your husband! Sit him down and have a serious conversation with him about his lapsing faith and the example he is setting to your children. Don’t let him make any jokes or try to laugh his behaviour away. He has a responsibility as both a Catholic husband to you and a Catholic father to your children to set things right, and lead by example. Be stern with him. He is hurting your feelings and insulting your faith; that is not right.

Insist on everyone coming to mass with you on Sundays. Maybe talk to your priest about your family and see if he has any advice.

Good luck
 
Breaks my heart to know that you are facing such cruelty in your home.

Know that this is not how spouses are supposed to treat each other, basic friendship requires mutual respect.

Please, reach out and get some counseling. If your husband will not go to marriage counseling, or let your kids go for family counseling, at least go for yourself.

Understand that this is borderline emotional abuse and this sort of thing rarely gets better without the help of a professional.

First step, make an appointment with your pastor. Maybe seek Catholic Charities for counseling.

You stay strong in your faith by knowing that you are a beloved child of God, by leaning on your parish family. Praying for you!!
 
Angels_Eyes said:
Tonight I read them some beautiful, inspirational stories from the ‘Chicken Soup for the Soul - Living Catholic Faith’. At the end my son said, oh what was that mum I wasn’t listening. It just broke my heart.
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A thought on this. While respect for parents is so important it is a commandment, remember that just because this sort of inspirational story touches you does not mean it relates to a teenager.

There is an excellent new series on Formed.org (if your parish does not have a subscription, you can sign up for about the same as Netflix or Hulu). It is called “Why Believe?” it is aimed at teens, it might relate to the teens more than the inspirational book.
 
  1. The kids are going to follow their dad’s lead in their attitude towards religion. He needs to stop disrespecting you and your religion NOW. Tell him that, in no uncertain terms, and if he does it again, including in front of the kids, call him out on it.
  2. Kids are not going to appreciate the same expressions of faith that their older moms do. It would be good to get them involved in some kind of a parish or diocesan youth program and let them absorb the faith there, in concert with peers. They’re likely to be more receptive to messages that aren’t coming from their mom, at their age.
 
Step 1. If this were the fruits of something I paid money to school my children, yesterday would have been their last day at that school.
Step 2. You cannot force your husband or children to believe something they dont. But what you can do is absolutely and unequivocally demand respect. Which you do not have from your husband. The Children are taking their cues from him. Your marriage seems to have some incredible flaws for that level of disrespect.
Step 3. This one is on you. You need to take a big step back and think about how your husband and kids are reacting to your expression of faith. My kids are devout Catholics and If I read them a chicken soup book I’d also not expect them to follow along. Even it it spoke to me I would not expect it to speak to others. It just isn’t their bag. So introspection on how you are being perceived is in order.
 
Thanks Lou2U. We haven’t managed to have a chat about it yet. I tried to today but he got cranky, maybe I should have chose a better time. I will catch him when he is in a good mood. Thanks again.
 
ann0 you made some really good points. I understand what you are saying about the uncool thing, but saying that my son (who is 14) is in our Parish Youth Ministry Team. I was never really sure why he said he wanted to join, but didn’t want to say no. I was secretly hoping this would help keep his faith strong. I do want to be a good example of faith, and really hope that my two children will come back to the faith completely one day as you mentioned.

Thank you for your helpful advice and kind words.
 
TheLittleLady, thanks for your heartfelt reply. It’s not always hard at home. Maybe my family puts up with a fair bit…with a religious statue everywhere they turn! Hehehe! Sometimes things are fine, it just all got to me pretty badly last night. Hubby and I will chat and I am sure things will go smoothly.

I have problems with straying from my faith at times, and this probably doesn’t help, so prays would be much appreciated.

I will check out the link and hopefully my teens can relate more.

Thanks so much!
 
Tis_Bearself I am still to have a chat with my husband and children. I guess (from no.2) you are correct about kids faith compared with adults. I actually left the church at around 20, and have now been back for about 10 years. My faith wavers, but is mostly pretty strong. My 14yr old son is in our Parish Youth Ministry Team. I am not sure why he wanted to join late last year, but I was secretly so excited! I hope this might help him on his faith journey. Thanks so much for you reply.
 
Hoosier-Daddy Yes, sometimes I wonder about the catholic school my two attend. There are so many non-catholics who attend and I do think this doesn’t help. My 13 year old daughter said to me recently, why do we have to not eat meat on Friday’s mum (during Lent), my friends don’t and said to me, oh do you actually do that! Wow, I wasn’t impressed by that comment, and these girls did their communion and confirmation with my daughter!

I will chat with my family and ask them to be more respectful, this seems to be what most people are saying and I do agree.

Step 3: Ouch, ok, that might have hurt my ego slightly, and hey, it’s a really good book, hehehe, but I understand what you are getting at. I guess when I feel inspired I just want to share it. I just wish they would be as excited about life and God like I am. Sometimes it’s a real downer, but generally I keep in a happy and positive mood.

Thanks so much for your response. I have a bit to think about now. 🙂
 
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