Hey Religious!
I’m in the same boat, Religious Girl. I am Catholic but I can’t confess until I have my marriage blessed in the church. I know that you’re fearing restless, helpless in the situation, and probably sacred for the welfare of your soul at its present state.
All I can tell you is that you have to learn to trust in God.
God is pulling you towards his church. Praise him for it. God has a plan for you. He would not cast you out, when he sees your intense desire to confess and turn from sin. In the meantime, open your heart to god, and talk to him. Tell him what you’ve done and how you are sorry that you hurt him and turned away from him. Ask him to be present in your life and help you in your struggle against sin.
You can also pray the Act of Contrition, if the main reason that you are repentant if out of love for God (not fear of hell) and you may be forgiven so long as your prayers stem from a love of God and you plan to confess to a priest as soon as possible. We never know if our act of contrition is truly “perfect,” only God does, but in your position it may bring you peace knowing that you are trying to right your relationship with the Lord and the decision is in his hands.
Act of Contrition:
"O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins, because I dread the loss of heaven, and the pains of hell; but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, Who are all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life.
Amen."