How do explain Catholic teaching on contraceptives here?

[Amie]

I recently found out that the children’s sponsorship program I contributed to also proudly teaches young children (ages 10 and up) about contraceptives, condoms, etc. so that they can make proper “life choices.” The concern in this area of the world is that there is a lot of unplanned pregnancies, STDs and AIDS. They feel they are doing the right thing to have 15-year old girls help “mentor” younger girls about contraceptives. Apparently, they believe it’s a good thing if the children can name at least three contraceptives. I learned this information in a newsletter that talked about nothing except how proud of this program they are. I immediately called, and ended my contributions because of my Catholic beliefs on contraceptives. I received an email today, however, from someone at this group (see below). I feel this is an opportunity to inform and share the faith, but would like ideas from others on how best to say what needs to be said. So, please, what does everyone think? Thanks for your help!!

"I just learned that you have decided to terminate your sponsorship with [children’s sponsorship group] because of concerns about the content in our program. First of all I want to thank you for having supported our program which does indeed make a difference in the lives of the children and adolescents with whom we work.

I also wanted to let you know that our entire program is about providing information and opportunities to adolescents so they can make decisions about their own lives. The program is comprehensive in that it addresses vocational and career planning, technology, by offering teens an opportunity to learn more about and become proficient in computer use, and as mentioned in our newsletter, sexual and reproductive health. Our work in this area is directed toward reducing the very high teen age pregnancy rate. We do this by offering teenagers in the program information about various contraceptive methods including abstinence. We provide information and teenagers make their own choices. We do not advocate for any one method, and only provide information on those methods that are approved by the government.

Again, I wanted to thank you for being one of our sponsors. Should you have further questions please let me know."

 

[Shiann]

Well, though they don’t really ask why you are dropping your sponsorship, I agree you might offer a response to inform them anyway. I would also forward them articles on how abstinence education has been the most successfull of all sexual information programs in AIDS ridden countries.

I have found that people who do not understand the Catholic mentality of sexuality- have a difficult time understanding the rules against ABC’s. So without a small discussion of the Catholic perspective on sexuality, you are offering information without context. Christopher West has a couple publications that explain this in great detail. You can probably pull a few ideas from there.

Also, Human Vitae (sp) by JPII is a great resource as well. I don’t remember the exact quote, but he describes sex with conception, “lying to God with our bodies”. A great analogy.

I would be curious to know which group is diseminating such drivel, especially if it is a national organization… do you feel comfortable sharing that detail with the board?

 

[Island_Oak]

As much as I’d like to encourage you, I read a rather discouraging statistic this weekend in the Seattle Times Sunday paper–that although many teens pledged to be sexually abstinent due in part to abstinence education in the 1990’s, 88% broke that pledge according to the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health released in March, 2005. This is not the first time I have read of the limited effectiveness of this form of education.

Given the statistics out there, I personally find myself in a quandry. I will certainly educate my children about our faith and its teachings on sexual activity outside of marriage. I plan to supervise them and their friends in my home as well as is humanly possible. However, I am not of the opinion that missteps in the area of chastity deserve the death penalty–for my own children or others. Thus they will also have the facts about contraception and HIV/STD prevention. This will include the FACT that there is no fail-safe option other than abstinence. However, just as I would not let them engage in bike riding on a busy street or skiing off trail without a helmet–they should be equipped with as much information as possible in the event that they diregard the warnings and nonetheless engage in risky behaviour of a sexual instead of recreational nature.

My sincere hope is that the more education they have, the less inclined they will be to jeopardize their own safety and well-being–physically, emotionally and spiritually. However, in the event they are typical, impulsive teens, they will have facts which can offer some measure of protection–and hopefully a second chance to regain and learn the virtue of chastity. I’ve come to this conclusion not out of obstinate disobedience or disregard of the ideals to which we all strive, but with great sadness and recognition of the pervasive disorder of the social climate into which our children are growing.

 

[fix]

Island Oak:

However, I am not of the opinion that missteps in the area of chastity deserve the death penalty–for my own children or others.

What a terrible way to see the truth. Will you offer them pharmaceutical grade heroin so they do not get a hold of the tainted stuff, just in case?

What about their immortal souls? Are you not afraid you will have to answer to God some day for leading the little ones astray?

 

[Island_Oak]

fix:

What a terrible way to see the truth. Will you offer them pharmaceutical grade heroin so they do not get a hold of the tainted stuff, just in case?

What about their immortal souls? Are you not afraid you will have to answer to God some day for leading the little ones astray?

How did I know to fear the wrath of fix before I even hit the “submit” key?!?

…and I will never be the one to LEAD them astray…that job, unfortunately, has many applicants. Perhaps you didn’t read my whole post. I am educating my children on all the facts with the hope and prayer that they WILL follow the teachings of the Church. I simply don’t think shortcomings should be punishable by death. Many of us have had the luxury of years of adult perspective and study to appreciate and embrace the Church’s teachings on this matter as well as to repent for past errors in judgment. I only want the same for my kids. If you find that so “terrible” or otherwise repugnant perhaps you could suggest a better and fool-proof alternative.

 

[fix]

Island Oak:

How did I know to fear the wrath of fix before I even hit the “submit” key?!?

…and I will never be the one to LEAD them astray…that job, unfortunately, has many applicants. Perhaps you didn’t read my whole post. I am educating my children on all the facts with the hope and prayer that they WILL follow the teachings of the Church. I simply don’t think shortcomings should be punishable by death. Many of us have had the luxury of years of adult perspective and study to appreciate and embrace the Church’s teachings on this matter as well as to repent for past errors in judgment. I only want the same for my kids. If you find that so “terrible” or otherwise repugnant perhaps you could suggest a better and fool-proof alternative.

I did not want to dissappoint you.

There is no foolprooof way. It just makes no sense to say God expects us to be holy, but if you are not going to be holy then wear body armor if you rob a bank in case the cops shoot you.

Either mortal sin is something we should try earnestly to avoid, or it does not matter much and we may presume upon God’s mercy. Fornication is a serious sin as is contraception.

 

[yochumjy]

Island Oak:

Many of us have had the luxury of years of adult perspective and study to appreciate and embrace the Church’s teachings on this matter as well as to repent for past errors in judgment. I only want the same for my kids. If you find that so “terrible” or otherwise repugnant perhaps you could suggest a better and fool-proof alternative.

With our God given free-will there is no such thing as a “FOOL-PROOF” anything. Are you suggesting that if you do due dilligence as a parent and then also make sure that your kids know about condoms, they are now fool proof? Do condoms prevent disease? If your kids choose to rebel, there is no way you can protect them from disease, heart-ache or pretty much anything. Heck, if your kids choose not to rebel, there is no way you can protect them from anything either, considering the free will of everyone around them and some pretty sick free-will at that. Your ultimate goal is to get you and your kids to heaven, not to merely equip them to safely rebel. We don’t know the time or place, so our best shot is to always be the best we can and pass that on.

 

[MarkInOregon]

Amie:

I also wanted to let you know that our entire program is about providing information and opportunities to adolescents so they can make decisions about their own lives. We provide information and teenagers make their own choices. We do not advocate for any one method, and only provide information on those methods that are approved by the government.

Again, I wanted to thank you for being one of our sponsors. Should you have further questions please let me know."

I would let them know that simply providing teens with information does not help them to make responsible choices. Teens need guidance–not simply a list of choices. Would you teach math by giving a teenager a list of math problems with multiple choice answers and say just chose the one you think is right for you. Obviously not–we attempt to teach them how to arrive at the correct answer. I would let them know you feel sex education is the same way–that there is a right answer regarding sexual activity before and after marriage and it should be taught in order to help teens arrive at the correct answer. If we don’t tell them there is a correct answer–how can we expect them to come up with it? Will they all come up with it? No, but that doesn’t absolve us from our responsibility.

I would let them know that you cannot support a program or organization that does not advocate that there is a right answer to that question. That you cannot support a program that does seem to imply each choice has an equal moral value, because they do not.

I would even give them a brief outline of why we believe there is a right answer. I can’t do it off the top of my head but I have an outline of the major points–based on the theology of the body I could email you later if you are interested in going that far with your response.

Good luck and the peace of Christ be with you,
Mark

 

[MarkInOregon]

Island Oak:

My sincere hope is that the more education they have, /QUOTE]

I don’t think you can call informing children–thats what they are–of a series of choices educating them and we should not confuse the two. Why do so many kids fall in this area–is it simply hormones or is it the fact that there is not a clear and constant voice out there telling them that this is wrong. Most voices are saying that there are many right answers it’s all up to you. Well if the majority of society seems to condone fornication as o.k. then sure our teens will fall–so lets not support those programs. Many of the so called abstinence programs don’t really explain why fornication is wrong and if teens don’t understand why it is wrong why would they follow the teaching? I am convinced that the reason so many married Catholics fail to accept the Church’es teaching an contraception is that they haven’t adequately been taught why it is wrong–what our love in marriage is supposed to mirror etc.

Is there a right choice? We as Catholics believe there is and we should not support programs that do not. Especially programs that pass of a list of choices as education.
(I am not speaking to what you have done with your own children, but to what it appears the program was doing.)

The peace of Christ be with you,
Mark

 

[1ke]

Island Oak:

I will certainly educate my children about our faith and its teachings on sexual activity outside of marriage. I plan to supervise them and their friends in my home as well as is humanly possible. However, I am not of the opinion that missteps in the area of chastity deserve the death penalty–for my own children or others. Thus they will also have the facts about contraception and HIV/STD prevention.

Island Oak,

I seriously hope you reconsider this approach. This is the “abstinence plus” approach advocated in schools and by PP and secular institutions.

When a parent gives the “I wish you wouldn’t, but if you do…” speech they are sending the WRONG message to their kids-- a mixed message that basically tells kids that the parent sees a GRAY AREA here. Like the parent expects they will do it anyway, and the parent can’t really think of a good enough reason that “no” means “no” instead of “no, but…” That’s a BAD message. It is the “don’t do it… wink, wink” message.

Kids want to hear the truth, and they want to be given all the reasons to stay chaste.

I was given the “don’t do it… but if you do…” message and it sent me down a path that I wish I could take back, but can’t. Please don’t do that to your kids. I’m not talking about theory or theology here-- which I can certainly quote and discuss-- I’m just talking experience, regret, and the feeling that my parents really let me down by taking that approach with me.

If you need proof this works-- why not talk to Pro Life Teen. She’s got it on the ball.

 

[1ke]

Amie… how about this? First, I’d suggest visiting the www.all.org web page and get info from STOPP (Stopp Planned Parenthood) as it relates to PP’s sex education courses. They have some stats on how PP’s own reports show an increase in sexual activity after teens go through sex ed courses. Their stats also include the increase in abortions among teens who have had sex ed. Then visit www.omsoul.com for brochures to include in your response letter, including the breast cancer link to oral contraceptives. Also review statistics on Uganda’s abstinence only program and their effective eradication of the AIDS epidemic.

Amie:

I also wanted to let you know that our entire program is about providing information and opportunities to adolescents so they can make decisions about their own lives.

Dear (sponsorship program),

Providing opportunities for children and adolescents is a worthy cause, and why I initially began sponsoring children.

Amie:

The program is comprehensive in that it addresses vocational and career planning, technology, by offering teens an opportunity to learn more about and become proficient in computer use, and as mentioned in our newsletter, sexual and reproductive health. Our work in this area is directed toward reducing the very high teen age pregnancy rate.

“Sexual and reproductive health” have no bearing on vocational training programs and proficiency in computer use and do not belong in programs aimed at helping children. By attempting to extend your mandate to cover areas that intrude on families and parental rights you have crossed over to an ideological and political mission that I cannot support.

Amie:

We do this by offering teenagers in the program information about various contraceptive methods including abstinence. We provide information and teenagers make their own choices.

This type of information is the right and duty of parents, not international aid organizations. By extending your mandate to cover such sensitive topics, you grossly violate the rights of parents in the raising of their children. Information of a sexual nature cannot be dicussed without the proper moral guidelines. To give information so that children can make “choices” without a moral framework leads to the wrong choices. This is backed up by study after study showing an increase in sexual activity after teens are exposed to such “safe sex” courses.

Amie:

We do not advocate for any one method, and only provide information on those methods that are approved by the government.

I am of the opinion that you should not be providing this type of information at all. Government approval of various contraceptive methods is irrelevant. All contraceptives are harmful to children as is sexual activity.

Amie:

Again, I wanted to thank you for being one of our sponsors. Should you have further questions please let me know."

I would urge you to reconsider the mission of your organization and refocus on vocational training only. I would be happy to reconsider supporting your organization once it discontinues such controversial programs. I will, of course, inform my friends and associates of your current practices so that none will mistakenly donate unaware of your practices, as I was until reading your newsletter.

 

[Amie]

Thank you all! I didn’t mean to start a controversy over contraceptive use on the board, but I have to say that your responses have informed ME enough so that I can make a proper response now. It’s one of those things where I KNOW it’s wrong, I got upset, but then I found that I had difficulty explaining it to someone I know has no clue as to why it would be wrong. If it’s important to you to know which organization, it’s Save the Children. I wasn’t sure if it would be appropriate to mention them at first, and I didn’t want it to taint responses by everyone running to their website and such. They have been a good program up until this point. I was sad to say goodbye so abruptly to my sponsorship of a young girl, Marleni. But, I don’t want her to get this type of information without the love and moral teaching of her parents! She should have more respect for herself than that… ARgh. Okay, I won’t get started on that, but I do feel sad… I will write this man back today, and let you guys know what I said.

Shiann-Thank you! I’ll read Humanae Vitae again… but I doubt this person will appreciate it…
Mark-YES! Please email me those points! My email: pawlusiaka@yahoo.com
1ke- PERFECT! Yes, this letter gets me started, so I can now write this guy back… I hate to let it go unanswered.

 

[1ke]

I sponsor a child in Guatamala, but I sponsor them through the local order of Dominican Nuns who have a school there. Perhaps you should look into sponsoring through an order of nuns, priests, or brothers. Then you can be more certain your funds are being used appropriately and still contribute to helping children in poor countries.

 

[Shiann]

Amie:

Thank you all! I didn’t mean to start a controversy over contraceptive use on the board, but I have to say that your responses have informed ME enough so that I can make a proper response now. It’s one of those things where I KNOW it’s wrong, I got upset, but then I found that I had difficulty explaining it to someone I know has no clue as to why it would be wrong. If it’s important to you to know which organization, it’s Save the Children. I wasn’t sure if it would be appropriate to mention them at first, and I didn’t want it to taint responses by everyone running to their website and such. They have been a good program up until this point. I was sad to say goodbye so abruptly to my sponsorship of a young girl, Marleni. But, I don’t want her to get this type of information without the love and moral teaching of her parents! She should have more respect for herself than that… ARgh. Okay, I won’t get started on that, but I do feel sad… I will write this man back today, and let you guys know what I said.

Shiann-Thank you! I’ll read Humanae Vitae again… but I doubt this person will appreciate it…
Mark-YES! Please email me those points! My email: pawlusiaka@yahoo.com
1ke- PERFECT! Yes, this letter gets me started, so I can now write this guy back… I hate to let it go unanswered.

Bless you and 1ke for your compassion in sponsoring these impoverished children!

And Bless YOU for your stance on this. It may not change the policy, but we never know when our actions change individual hearts and minds.

 

[Pro-Life_Teen]

1ke:

If you need proof this works-- why not talk to Pro Life Teen. She’s got it on the ball.

^^ Thanks 1ke! I’ll take that as a compliment.

And abstinence only does work, you just have to explain it right. Jason Evert does it perfectly, www.pureloveclub.com <If you wish to give it a look over.

Remind these teens, also, that they have future spouses out there. How would any boy feel if their future wife was at her currect boy-toys house and he was wanting to get it on with her? Would any teen go, ok, go ahead… just make sure he wears a condom and you pop a pill-- then I’m ok with it.

No way.

If the boy really wants to pride himself, don’t let him do it by counting the girls he’s slept with. Let him count the number of girls he’s respected enough to keep his hands in his pockets.

Teenagers are not dogs during mating season. We have self-control. We should also have enough pride and honor to stay virgins until marriage.

Get them a chastity ring as well, just a little reminder. Having them see ‘True Love Waits’ or ‘Worth Waiting For’ every day might be exactly what they need. Like WWJD, only more specific.

 

[1ke]

^^ Thanks 1ke! I’ll take that as a compliment.

It was most definitely a compliment. You are very poised, principled, articulate, and knowledgeable. You have integrated the teachings of the Church into your life and are a great witness for all teens.

It saddens me when parents take this view that teens cannot or will not understand church teaching. The “abstinence plus” approach is really just moral relativism rearing its ugly head in a subtle way, but a way in which teens instinctively pick up on. It says there are instances when contraception is acceptable-- and that is not the Truth.

 

[Amie]

So, here’s what I sent:

"Dear Mr. Shaye,

Providing opportunities for children and adolescents is a worthy cause, and why I initially began sponsoring children. However, reducing the "very high teenage pregnancy rate" will not be helped much by teaching about contraceptives. It can probably be best said by Janet Smith, Ph.D that "[Contraception] facilitates the kind of relationships and even the kind of attitudes and moral character that are likely to lead to abortion. The contraceptive mentality treats sexual intercourse as though it had little natural connection with babies; it thinks of babies as an "accident" of intercourse, as an unwelcome intrusion into a sexual relationship, as a burden."  This is why I oppose the teaching of the contraceptive mentality in a nutshell.  I want these children to have more than misguided "choices." To give information so that children can make "choices" without a moral framework leads to the wrong choices. This is backed up by study after study showing an increase in sexual activity after teens are exposed to such "safe sex" courses. Instead, I want them to have self-worth, hope, and a future.  Instead of just teaching about contraceptives, how about having them see 'True Love Waits' or 'Worth Waiting For' every day? It might be exactly what they need. 
After my initial anger subsided, I felt truly sad and sorry for my sponsor child, Marleni.  I have watched her grow into a beautiful little girl, and I want much more for her.  However, by attempting to extend your mandate to cover areas that intrude on families and extend the contraceptive morality that is, in part, destroying those same families, you have crossed over to an ideological and political mission that I cannot support.
I would urge you to reconsider the mission of your organization and refocus on vocational training only. I would be happy to reconsider supporting your organization once it discontinues these types of programs. I will, of course, inform my friends and associates of your current practices so that none will mistakenly donate unaware of them, as I was until reading your newsletter.

And finally, thank you for taking the time to send me a response to my concerns. And thank you for reading this email and, hopefully, thinking about some of the things I said."

Thanks again to you all! I used many of your suggestions, especially Pro-Life Teen and 1Ke, and I read more background about this on some websites. Funny, I heard Dr. Janet Smith’s tape ages ago, but it was totally different reading it. It somehow clarified exactly how I felt!

God bless,
-Amie

 

[Amie]

Also, I will be looking to donate to a Catholic sponsorship program… Last year some people came to our church in search of sponsors of children in Jerusalem and the Holy Land, we couldn’t afford another sponsor child, so we didn’t do it. But, now, we can hopefully help another little boy or girl grow up in God’s truth.

These people at Save the Children will probably think I’m just some right-wing nutcase, but ahh well… I guess, I am.

God bless again!
-Amie

 

[Shiann]

Amie:

So, here’s what I sent:

"Dear Mr. Shaye,

Providing opportunities for children and adolescents is a worthy cause, and why I initially began sponsoring children. However, reducing the "very high teenage pregnancy rate" will not be helped much by teaching about contraceptives. It can probably be best said by Janet Smith, Ph.D that "[Contraception] facilitates the kind of relationships and even the kind of attitudes and moral character that are likely to lead to abortion. The contraceptive mentality treats sexual intercourse as though it had little natural connection with babies; it thinks of babies as an "accident" of intercourse, as an unwelcome intrusion into a sexual relationship, as a burden." This is why I oppose the teaching of the contraceptive mentality in a nutshell. I want these children to have more than misguided "choices." To give information so that children can make "choices" without a moral framework leads to the wrong choices. This is backed up by study after study showing an increase in sexual activity after teens are exposed to such "safe sex" courses. Instead, I want them to have self-worth, hope, and a future. Instead of just teaching about contraceptives, how about having them see 'True Love Waits' or 'Worth Waiting For' every day? It might be exactly what they need. 
After my initial anger subsided, I felt truly sad and sorry for my sponsor child, Marleni. I have watched her grow into a beautiful little girl, and I want much more for her. However, by attempting to extend your mandate to cover areas that intrude on families and extend the contraceptive morality that is, in part, destroying those same families, you have crossed over to an ideological and political mission that I cannot support.
I would urge you to reconsider the mission of your organization and refocus on vocational training only. I would be happy to reconsider supporting your organization once it discontinues these types of programs. I will, of course, inform my friends and associates of your current practices so that none will mistakenly donate unaware of them, as I was until reading your newsletter.

And finally, thank you for taking the time to send me a response to my concerns. And thank you for reading this email and, hopefully, thinking about some of the things I said."

Thanks again to you all! I used many of your suggestions, especially Pro-Life Teen and 1Ke, and I read more background about this on some websites. Funny, I heard Dr. Janet Smith’s tape ages ago, but it was totally different reading it. It somehow clarified exactly how I felt!

God bless,
-Amie

WOO HOO!

That was a great letter! I hope you let us know how it turns out- if he contacts you again.

 

[1ke]

Amie:

Also, I will be looking to donate to a Catholic sponsorship program… Last year some people came to our church in search of sponsors of children in Jerusalem and the Holy Land, we couldn’t afford another sponsor child, so we didn’t do it. But, now, we can hopefully help another little boy or girl grow up in God’s truth.

These people at Save the Children will probably think I’m just some right-wing nutcase, but ahh well… I guess, I am.

God bless again!
-Amie

You wrote a very nice letter, very thoughtful. And, may I be the first to say:

Welcome to the Pro-Life Nut-Case club… I’ll teach you the secret handshake later. Don’t worry about what these people think, you never know when you will plant a seed.

I get odd looks quite frequently especially when telling people at work, or wherever, that I cannot donate to AWESOME CAUSE #1001 because they support embryonic stem cell research, fetal tissue research, abortion, contraception, etc…

It gets easier the more you do it.