I have experienced a couple periods of agnosticism in my life, from childhood until my twenties and from my thirties until my forties. My advice would be to start praying, sincerely praying, every day some agnostic prayers of thanksgiving and agnostic prayers of petition for your needs or for the needs of others, including asking for the gift of faith (of believing in God), such as, “God, if you exist, I thank you for …” and “God, if you exist, please help me/so-and-so…”
Blaise Pascal, the philosopher, thought the wise thing to do is to act as though God exists even if he doesn’t. In doing so, you will lose little, if God does not exist, and gain much, if he does exist. (
Pascal’s Wager)
In order to do that, I suggest you next become familiar with the Catholic faith; read a Catholic catechism book, watch a Catholic catechism video series, or attend Catholic catechism classes at your local Catholic parish. As you learn about the Catholic faith, try to live according to Catholic moral teachings. Start watching Catholic Mass online daily or at least weekly, such as at
EWTN, and/or start attending Mass in person at your local Catholic parish. You can just sit quietly in the back of the church and listen to the Scripture readings and the homily (sermon). You may also participate in those religious postures (kneeling, standing, etc.), gestures (sign of the cross), prayers and congregational responses and hymns at Mass that you are comfortable with, if any. However, if you do attend Mass in person, please refrain from receiving Holy Communion (eating the bread and/or drinking the wine that is consecrated at Mass), until such time as you formally become a Catholic (by publicly professing your faith in Jesus Christ and his Catholic Church and by receiving the sacrament of Baptism).
After you are familiar with the Catholic faith, then I suggest you read a Catholic Bible with Catholic notes and commentary, especially the books of New Testament (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, etc.). That way, you can avoid the problem mentioned in 2 Peter 3:16, “There are some things in [Paul’s letters] hard to understand, which the ignorant [i.e., those ignorant of the Catholic faith] and unstable twist to their own destruction, as they do the other scriptures.”
